dont understand what happened

LegacyUser

A little while back the guy I was seeing ended things completely abruptly. This was so unexpected as the whole while we were together he couldn't stop telling me how mad he was about me and he really was. We were so good together, amazing chemistry wanted to spend every bit of time we had together ( which wasnt too often as I went to college in a different city to where he worked) and he really cared about me. I know this is true as he's a very honest guy. He really was like a lovesick puppy. He told his friends and everything that he loved me and I believe this. His friends were as shocked as I was at his behaviour. I am a somewhat attractive girl and he always mentioned how lucky he was to get me. I dont believe he was just filling me with things i wanted to hear as he is a very honest guy.

Yeah so then while i was away at college out of the blue he ended it over text, showed no real remorse or interest in remaining friends and told me to stay away from him (oh yeah we were friends for a long time - he even said he always had a crush on me!). I havent heard from him since bar a few drunk phone calls that i didnt answer. I heard he is seeing someone else now.

So i suppose i dont have a question as such, more asking people (guys in particular) if they can shed some light on it. Was he just using me till someone else came along? I really dont understand it which is making it so hard to move on.

Andy!!

Yeesh! No wonder you are confused. I'm right there with ye. There's definitely information here that you aren't aware of. Find out why he did what he did by asking him, so you can move on.

I am a friend

I wouldn't give him the ego boost of asking him what happened. You had a lucky escape.

Chances are he was taking it a lot less serious than you were and maybe an element of it was him seeing if he could 'pull' you and when he did he moved on.

Katy89

firstly, sorry op to hear what happened to you, hope it doesn't let you feel down too much.

from some similar experience in the past I can give you the advice, don't take it personal and don't dwell on it too much.
this guy has some own personal issues, be it longterm or because he's in a difficult situation, like for example a marriage break up or whatever.

I wouldn't contact him either, except if he continues texting you to make very clear you're not interested in any contact anymore.

there are people out there who can play weird and cruel games and it's not worth letting them wreck your head.

agree with previous poster, you had a lucky escape!!!

amacca

hurtbythis wrote: »

So i suppose i dont have a question as such, more asking people (guys in particular) if they can shed some light on it. Was he just using me till someone else came along? I really dont understand it which is making it so hard to move on.

tbh I find the above hard to understand too...as a guy I would never treat anyone like that unless they had treated me badly first, even then I would just end it and not make drunken phone calls, try to minimize the hurt/personal nature/abruptness of the way it was ended etc

and when I have genuinely felt like that in the past about someone I'm usually the one on the receiving end of the mistreatment or the one being ignored/pushed away like a lovesick puppy

.................you know many times I have used the line "it isn't fair" or "it doesn't make sense" "why does this happen to me" but a smarter person than I (in this area at least) said to me "maybe this kind of stuff doesn't have to make sense" and I'm slowly coming round to that logic and the idea that the best thing you can do is move on and let bygones be bygones (tbh I feel like a hypocrite typing that as I'm struggling right now to do that over what to most people would be the smallest of things - madly in love/infatuated with a girl I thought was interested in me and I though gave me all the right signals and turned out to have a boyfriend....this after me deliberately staying out of her way at the start, not looking to get involved as I didn't want to be hurt yet again)

ffs recently my mam used to tell me she would turn down a lad because she didn't like the sound of his name, she also told me she just abruptly ended a year long relationship with a guy (refusing to tell him why) because she met my dad the week before and thought he might have seen her with my dad one day..........she said he was a lovely guy in almost every way etc...............and my mam is a genuinely nice woman in many many ways

it was an eye opener for me...so was actually pulling my own head out of my arse and actually observing what goes on around me and the sometimes awful way men and women treat each other in relationships......it used to mystify me how I wasn't in one given I would never mistreat someone that way but I came to slowly realize its part wallowing in self pity and thinking that someone you like (who may like you) is the only one etc.......and as hard as it is and hurtful to be rejected yet again the only way forward is to literally force yourself to move on and the quicker the better imo...you have nothing to lose.

long story short.....I wouldn't try to figure this out if I was you .... it may have an explanation but the simple fact of the matter is he has mistreated you (if you have given all the facts) and I would make immediate efforts to move on and find yourself a nicer person etc

typical advice in some ones...get back on the horse etc....but it probably is the best way forward.....and if its any consolation the person typing this advice isn't the best at following it but he is trying and so should you

best of luck:)

Missy Moo Moo

Andy!! wrote: »

Yeesh! No wonder you are confused. I'm right there with ye. There's definitely information here that you aren't aware of. Find out why he did what he did by asking him, so you can move on.

He ended up it abruptly and told the OP to stay away from him. If she goes looking for answers or "closure", he'll most likely be cruel and make her feel worse. Based on his actions described in the post.

OP, I know it's tough but I'd chalk this one down to experience. There are people out there who'll cause others pain for no good reason. Based on the cruel way in which he ended things, thats all the closure you need.

For what it's worth, I'm always wary of people who start off really intense and with grand declarations of love. I don't think you should envy her, as no doubt he'll fill her with the same rubbish and discard her when he's bored.

Just delete his number and be thankful you had a lucky escape. At least the headwrecking game wasn't dragged out.

LegacyUser

op here - thank you for all your replies

I know, the only way forward is to move on. I am and I will - it's just so much easier said than done! I suppose the brutalness of it all has damaged by self-esteem and I keep wondering what I did wrong. When deep down I know i did nothing I just allowed myself to get caught up with the wrong guy.

The fact he is an old friend as well makes the blow all the more awful, I would have thought he'd have a bit of respect.

eventually i would like answers but i have to settle for the fact I wont be getting them any time soon. My current frame of mind is just waiting for us to pick up where we left off and for him to say he made a big mistake. I have to realise this is not going to happen and stop thinking about it.

Again thank you for your replies. Onwards and upwards!