hate living on my own

LegacyUser

i recently my flat on my own. however i cant stand it on my own even for 1 night i mainly just use it for partying and weekends and spend the rest of the time at my parents. my friends all think i am sploiled. you think from reading this that i get on really well with my parents but i dont we do nothing but argue every small thing becomes an argument i normally have to bite my or else roar back i cant win either way. I am no teenage other i am in my thirties. i also need constant reassurance and guidance and always asking people for advice. what should i do?

dudara

Why can't you be on your own in your flat? What do you think is the issue?

woodchuck

Would you consider moving into a houseshare instead of living on your own?

(unless your issue is that you want to learn to enjoy your own company?)

TheBegotten

woodchuck wrote: »

Would you consider moving into a houseshare instead of living on your own?

(unless your issue is that you want to learn to enjoy your own company?)

Or get a budgie or cat or something? I can't imagine what parents would be like at thirty :O

solovely

It's really hard to understand your post, as there are lots of words missing and it's hard to see where sentences start and begin.

I'm not sure if you are living on your own because you own a one bed apartment or because you have no-one else to live with.

Can you explain to us why you are not moving into a houseshare, and then maybe we can advise you? It seems like a simple solution! There's lots of people in their 30s (myself included) in great fun house shares. It's not an unusual thing to do.

Good luck.

I am a friend

hateit wrote: »

we do nothing but argue every small thing becomes an argument i normally have to bite my or else roar back i cant win either way

Well to be honest they are probably frustrated that even though you have your own place you are still under their feet...

You have no right to go back to your parents, cos you dont want to live alone and then cause rows under their roof...

Why would you not stay on your own?

woodchuck

TheBegotten wrote: »

Or get a budgie or cat or something?

A pet is a good idea too if you don't want to houseshare. Not only will it keep you company, but you won't be in a position to spend so much time at your parents house because you'll have to go home to take care of your pet.

Carriexx

I am a friend wrote: »

Well to be honest they are probably frustrated that even though you have your own place you are still under their feet...

You have no right to go back to your parents, cos you dont want to live alone and then cause rows under their roof...

Why would you not stay on your own?

How do you know she has no right to go back to her parents! shes asking for advice about her living situation not about her parent situation.

OP, do you have a spare room - can you rent it out so someone else will be there. I lived onmy own for a while - its very lonely, maybe join a gym to go in the evenings???

skooterblue2

sunflower27 wrote: »

O
I always lived in houseshares and struggled at first being on my own... but I grew to LOVE it.

In your thirties you should feel comfortable with your own company.

Running home is just avoiding the problem and probably making your life more complicated than it needs to be.


Use this time to learn to stand on your own two feet - you are going to have to eventually, so why not now?

Did you come straight from home to living on your own? I mean like no college houseshare? Damn that is a tough wake up call.

You really should live with non-family members. you should have your food pilfered. Learn to share a TV. Put up with people coming home drunk. I am not going talk about my housemates pot addict brother staying over.

yes its hard for the first few night weeks. when you realise you are alone. Once you get yourself sorted with TV/net/fire down/ bottle of wine/have a friend call over. It will all be sorted.

Dont run home give it time. I hope you have house skills like cooking cleaning and managing a budget. If not you will need a bit of help

I am a friend

Carriexx wrote: »

How do you know she has no right to go back to her parents! shes asking for advice about her living situation not about her parent situation.??

Cos grown adults just because they are someone offspring are not entitled to lifelong access to their parents house. People in this country need to learn to stand on their own two feet.

If you read if properly, I said she has no right to go back to their home when she has left it to move into her own place and while there, cause rows..,

LegacyUser

i dont cause rows with my parents but we argue most of the time.

I am in my thirties but i feel very immature for my age.i find it hard to be assertive or confident or make decisions. i have never been in a relationship. and i worry too much about what people think of me. growing up i was bullied for years and became a sort of recluse. my parents didnt know this was going on and growing up i had no to confide in so i think missed a stage in my developement and never learned to open up to people.
I am also very clingy and hang around with people until they get fed up with me i also take it bad if someone doesnt like me

i thought getting a flat would sort out my problems

Stavro Mueller

You're not comfortable in your own skin and the flat isn't going to solve your problems. I do think you need to seek professional help in order to get all these issues off your chest and to change your life going forward.

Whatever you do, don't go back to live with your olds. You've said yourself that you don't feel that you're mature for your age and struggle with decisions. I don't think anyone can live as a fully fledged adult under their parents' roof. By going back there, you're getting the worst of both worlds. You're hiding from real life on the one hand. On the other, you're fighting with them and are miserable.

Is there a possibility you can get someone else in to share your flat? Or can you give it up and move into a house share? Can you do things in the evenings so that you're only going back to the flat when it's nearer to bedtime? There are people out there who would love to have a place of their own. You're lucky in that regard.

stovelid

Maybe get a few mannequins for your flat?

Taltos

stovelid - can I remind you of our charter -
"Reply to threads in a civil and well phrased manner, remember being a Personal Issues board the contents of some threads may be very close to people's hearts. "
"if you have nothing relevant to add to the topic, please refrain from posting anything at all. "
& most of all
"There is zero tolerance for muppetry here, and trolls etc. will not be treated lightly."

Squiggler

OP, if you won't give living in the flat a fair shot, and is sounds like you haven't, then how do you know it won't help you.

In your mid thirties you should definitely NOT be living at home with your parents. It's not good for them or for you.

Living alone can take a bit of getting used to, but it is fantastic when you learn to embrace it.

You can do whatever you like, eat what you like, watch what you like, wear what you like. You can use the bathroom whenever you want for as long as you want.

If you feel like going out somewhere you can, you can come back as late (or as early) as you like (try not to disturb the neighbours) and you've got nobody checking up on you.

Learning to be happy with yourself and by yourself is really important - it might be worth your while exploring why you have so much difficulty with this. At the end of the day I fully believe that we are responsible for our own behaviours and as adults need to accept that responsibility and do somehting about our negative behaviours.

It sounds like you might need more help than you can get here, so maybe consider counselling?

niceoneted

I shared houses for years and once I got my own place for the first few years I rented rooms out.
I do like company. However it is all about being comfortable in your own skin too.
When I had people living with me I liked it too an extend - depended on the person. But another thing that factored for me in that my job changed. I went from working in a very isolated area to working directly with the public, conversing with lots of people on a daily basis. In that sense I love the peace and quiet of my own place.
Just try to learn to live with yourself, it's amazing when you get to that place and any future relationships be it romantic or friendship will improve.