Never to be seen again?

niceem1

Hi guys, this is going to sound so insignificant and childish compared to some other threads going on here now but I reckon i just need to
hear some real advice instead of the sugar coated stuff my friends give!

Ok- met one of the nicest men I've ever probably met about 6 weeks ago in a pub. Kissed. Exchanged numbers. Texting for a few weeks. All goin very very well!! Date was arranged then bam, I get the "just broke up with the ex, not ready" story. He made it clear that he likes me and does want to go out, but not now. Haven't spoken to him in a few weeks after I said he should sort his head out etc.

What do I do here now? Nothing? Wait in hope? Keep in touch? I'm not desperate, but I really dont want to let this guy disappear that easily!

Any advice gladly accepted!!

P. Breathnach

I see two reasonable interpretations of his position.
1. He is telling the truth, in which case there is a possibility that he might want to get in touch with you again; or maybe not; wait and see, without getting your hopes up too high.
2. He tried to let you down gently.

beks101

Hi OP,

I'm pretty straight forward about these things, I think you have to be.

The guy has your number, he knows how to reach you and he hasn't for weeks. He also strung you along with texts, only to back out with the age-old 'not ready' excuse at the last minute and not a peep out of him ever since.

I think it's safe to say he's not that bothered and is also possibly a bit of a head-wrecker. If you are really interested in someone, no amount of ex drama would make you want to not meet up with them and you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from texting them.

Just my 5 cents, but if it was me I wouldn't waste any more time on him. There's plenty of guys out there who will actually put the effort in.

Starokan

Do nothing, he knows you were all set to meet up, he cancelled, Im not sure i buy the whole not ready for a relationship excuse, it was only a date. Either way I would advise to let him come back to you if he wants to meet.

stargazer 68

Oh Op been there!! You want to text him to 'remind' him that you are there. Don't do it! He has your number and would have called if he wanted to see you.

Now lets hope I can take my own advice if and when it happens to me again!

Miss Fluff

niceem1 wrote: »

I'm not desperate, but I really dont want to let this guy disappear that easily!

Why? Is he really that special? He may be not ready for a relationship or it may just be an excuse, either way he's not prepared to meet up with you after six full week of texting you so I'd just delete his number if I were you....

Lorna123

Sorry OP but if this man was interested in you he would not have given you any excuses at all. He would have been dating you steadily since he met you. He would not be giving you space to meet someone else. So if I were you I would forget him. He is not interested.

LegacyUser

Oh no girl! Dont do it! Dont do it to yourself. Been there and got the t-shirt recently. Loose the hope asap. Its not what you wanted to hear as you like him, and oh do I understand how you are feeling but keeping hope will drive you insane. Its almost like we like to hold on to the feeling of liking someone rather than actually face the (sometimes) painful emotions of feeling let down/rejected.

He doesnt want anything with you. See it like that. Thats how you'll move on. Not "he doesnt want anything with you now, but maybe in a few months". That will drive you nuts because it will take you longer to get over him.

To get over him, think especially about his bad points. Am sure there are some and convince yourself or make yourself move on.

And as the other posters said, if he wanted to be with you, he would make it known (unless there are extenuating circumstances)

Anny Hall

Hi OP,

Sometimes things are not so black and white, especially with affairs of the heart! He may well be telling the truth about ex. Texting is easy to do but maybe when it came to meeting up be wasn't ready. You just never know what is going on with people. I know after break ups I have thought I was ready to move in but when came to crunch wasn't.

In saying that tho be wary of guys who only text though it creates a false intimacy and is lazy communication. I wonder why he never mentioned the ex before that is a bit of red flag. While I would be cautious and try and move on if you hear back from him maybe give benefit of doubt but trust your gut.

It wouldn't be nice to start dating and then for him to pull the ex card again. Past behaviour is s good predictor of future behaviour so I would have my guard up if he gets back in contact.

Idle Passerby

He's gone. You can do whatever you like but you'd be chasing someone who has already walked away.

niceem1

Thanks for all your replies. I know all of you are right and I know it myself. Suppose it's just I've met alot of men over the years and was never really that bothered about any of them, but for some reason he struck me big time!! This dating game is a hard one to play!

stargazer 68

niceem1 wrote: »

This dating game is a hard one to play!

Certainly is - read the online dating thread!

I am a friend

niceem1 wrote: »

What do I do here now? Nothing? Wait in hope? Keep in touch? I'm not desperate, but I really dont want to let this guy disappear that easily!

You move on and meeting someone who is ready... Dont get drawn into a 'friendship' with him as all that will turn into is a FB situation...

Move on with life and if he comes back and offers you a relationship then see but dont put off meeting mr right by waiting for / chasing him.

niceem1

Deleted his phone number. Onwards and upwards, and definitely no more ex's allowed!!!! thanks for all the advice everyone, think it was the kick up the ass I needed!

I am a friend

niceem1 wrote: »

Deleted his phone number. Onwards and upwards, and definitely no more ex's allowed!!!! thanks for all the advice everyone, think it was the kick up the ass I needed!

Good woman - you shouldnt have to chase them

niceem1

Hi guys, op here.

I feel an update is needed, And maybe another virtual kick up the ass for me too! So he actually did make a reappearance! He called me last week,we had a pleasant chat about nothing in particular really. And a few texts over the next few days. But no mention of what happened before, from him or me neither. What's your opinions now? Mind games?

Thanks for all your advice before, it was great, I'm hoping for some more words of wisdom second time around!

Idle Passerby

Hmmm...maybe I'm a total cynic but my first guess would be that his ex reappeared on the scene and thats why he got cold feet with you. Perhaps thats fallen through so now he's back to you. The fact that he hasn't mentioned the sudden drop in interest then, or explained the return of it now would make me suspicious. Id say he's just trying to guage whether he still has a chance with you now.

I am a friend

niceem1 wrote: »

I feel an update is needed, And maybe another virtual kick up the ass for me too! So he actually did make a reappearance! He called me last week,we had a pleasant chat about nothing in particular really. And a few texts over the next few days. But no mention of what happened before, from him or me neither. What's your opinions now? Mind games?

He is a messer!!! Maybe he wasnt funlly finished with the ex when you first met but thats no excuse... This has had a very messy beginning and I personally would leave it. if he was any good he would have explained why there was no contact. he is looking for a FB. Move on and dont look back.

BTW, why did you get back into it with him??? you were doing so well

P. Breathnach

Perhaps this guy has been truthful. He likes niceem1; he would like to get involved with her; he wasn't ready a few weeks ago; now he is trying to re-start the getting-to-know-you process.

But you probably don't want to be strung along indefinitely, niceem1. Perhaps you should be a little challenging, and clarify things. Ask him what he proposes to do about the dinner (or whatever) he owes you.

daisybelle2008

niceem1 wrote: »

He made it clear that he likes me and does want to go out, but not now.

niceem1 wrote: »

What's your opinions now? Mind games?

All this talk of mind games, being strung along and him being a messer is a bit over the top. Just because he does not want the same things at the same pace you want?
It is clear and he has told you he is not ready for a relationship and is still casually texting and acting wishy washy about meeting up.

It is up to you to decided if this is acceptable to you or not. It really is not that complicated.
Are you happy with this sort of arrangement or would you like someone who is 100% over their ex and clear about their intention?

If you would like the later than don't waste time on someone who has told you they are not over their ex!

Move on, he is not a mind game playing villian. It is up to you to decide what your requirements are and if they are not being met (which they do not appear to be or you would not be posting) to not play along.

Lolajay

Heya

Oh.....I would say to forget about this guy and it will surprise you how very quickly the whole thing will become really insignificant in your mind.

Even if he was telling the truth he's messed you about - which is your first insight in to his character!

Sorry

niceem1

BTW, why did you get back into it with him??? you were doing so well[/Quote]

I was doing really well, so I don't know why I got back into it I kind of thought the apology and explanation would come soon after. I also thought he was a very decent guy and I would never be rude and ignore someone. Either way, the explanation, apology or offer of dinner never came.

Miss Fluff

You're totally wasting your time, he's not interested in a relationship with you.