If footballers were clubber

dinneenp

Pippo Inzaghi - hits on every woman he sees, many of them well out of his league. Not a damn does he give that twenty girls in a row knock him back, he keeps on going until he pulls - usually some munter with self-esteem issues with the occasional stunner.

Robin Van Persie - genuinely does not understand why his mates have trouble getting their leg over. Stands at the edge of the dance floor until a hot chick comes up and starts wearing the face off him.

Carlos Tevez - dances like a lunatic no matter what music is playing. Has no sense of rhythm or decorum and bangs into people on his way around the floor. Bizarrely always finds some tasty dolly-bird who digs his crazed bouncing. Tells everyone he hates night clubs and would rather be at home in his garden.

David Trezeguet - turns up around closing time. Meets a nice girl in the queue for the toilets and goes home with her.

Dimitar Berbatov - spends two hours getting ready then doesn't bother going out. Some drunk lass walking past falls on top of him when he's taking out the bins.

Joey Barton- Nobody remembers him being out but according to Twitter it was a great night.

Charlie Adam: Gets asked out to dance by a hottie and boots her up the arse instead.

Patrice Evra - Stands on the side of the dance floor eagerly waiting for somebody to accidentally bump into him so he can get the bouncer to throw them out for spilling his drink.

Andy Carroll: Has numerous chances to score with a stunning red head but ignores her, in order to sit at the bar drinking and insulting the barman.

Wayne Rooney: Pulls a granny

Fernando Torres - After being with an ugly bird for a long time, finally gets with a hot, successful chick. Unfortunately she doesn't turn out to be all he expected and each time he goes near her box, he ****s himself.

Valencia - Best wing man out there, constantly helps his mates get stuck into great looking girls, doesn't pick up anyone himself though.

Darren Bent: Stands around doing nothing all night, then just as it's getting near time to go home, he strolls over to a bird six yards away and scores

Emile Heskey: Gets thrown out early on for falling over continually. Tries to argue with the bouncers that he's not drunk, but they're not having any of it. Comes back later on disguised as a midfielder. Doesn't come close to scoring.

Robbie Keane - Walks around the club clutching a withered rose telling every women that he bumps into that they were his childhood sweetheart.

Paul McShane - Shows up blind drunk, somehow gets past the bouncer before falling down the stairs and cracking his head open.

Freddy Adu: Spends years and years waiting to experience that sweet sweet nightclub fever because, despite all his mates from Italy and elsewhere begging him to come out, his ma insists he must wait until he's at legal age to drink! He sits at home drinking Pepsi waiting for the day.
When he finally turns legal age, none of his mates give a f*ck about him anymore and it turns out he can't handle his drink!

Ali Dia - Uses fake ID to get in. Trys to show off the killer dance moves his "cousin" taught him. Dances badly. Promptly turfed out.

Kuyt: doesn't stop chasing f*nny.

Giovanni Trapattoni Ignores all the beautiful girls and instead goes for the ones who he knows will do what he wants them to do.

Nicklas Bendtner Tells all his mates every night how he's going to pull the best looking girl in the club, but fails continually. Then moves down to a lower class of woman, he's sure he's better than that but it's only to put himself in the shop window for the hot woman, but he fails with the munters too. Disillusioned by all of this he goes and smashes up a few cars.

Paul Scholes:- Consistently scores but is often let down by his inadequate tackle.

Steve Staunton: Only let in cos he used to bartend there, orders a gin, jagermeister, tonic and red bull. Pours red bull into gin and pours tonic into jager. Seems bemused when people dont think these concoctions work. Attempts to pull local bike, slips on inexplicably placed banana skin.

James McClean: Pulls absolute crackers in Coppers for ages. Noone notices. Starts going to Krystle. Pulls. Suddenly everyone wants him to go on the group holiday to Poland

David De Gea: Making all the right moves until the hot chick tells him a joke and it goes right over his head!

Theo Walcott - Runs around trying it on with every girl and gets knocked back- eventually pulls a stunner and the local lads thinks he's a legend.

Carlos Tevez - Refuses to get up of his seat to join his mates on the dancefloor despite the fact that they are losing a dance off to a bunch of German Europop fans. Then denies his mates ever asked him and disappears off to Bondi for 4 months.

Gareth Bale: Despite only having one dance move, he proves to be extremely successful with the ladies. Gained VIP access in the club based on one night he spent at a niteclub in Italy.

Ashley Cole: Always ends up losing his phone.

Alex Ferguson: doesn’t score all night, they flash for last drinks at 3am but fergie still hasn’t scored so convinces the barman to stay open for another half hour.

Thierry Henry - Watches on as an ugly but spiritful Irish lad is about to pull for the first time in 10 years. Minutes away from achieving his dream, Henry walks over and drops a hand.

John Giles: Senior nightclubber. Will complain that there's a few good dancers there, but no great dancers. Not like in his day. But is heartened by the solid fundamentals and honesty of effort on show on the dance floor.

Eamonn Dunphy believes the club isn't what it used to be, Bill.

Liam Brady: talks quietly for the most part, but inexplicably shouts during the quiet parts of each song.

Bill O'Herlihy: ****-stirrer. Starts a fight between two of his mates after the club and then puts it on youtube so everyone can have a laugh.

Turtyturd

Another rehash....am I in AH?

It's actually the fault of everyone who posted in the original thread for not copyrighting their posts.

dinneenp

LOL, just spotted the original now.....