Peed off at friend

XarcherX

Sorry now if this seems a bit petty but i just would like peoples thoughts..
Just home from a visit to a friends house, collected another friend on the way. I was driving so didn't drink but the girls had wine, so told the girls I was heading away early enough as iv a 1 year old at home, my partner is working in the morning so iv to be up with the baby.
Anyway the girl that got a lift in with me didn't wanna go home as she was drunk by then and went on the phone and found a house party to go to saying shed get a taxi if I dropped her home first... which was fine, but when we left she asked me to drive her to the party in another town 40 mins drive away.. I said no, hadn't enough petrol anyway and was wrecked tired.. So she asked me to drive her to a nearby main road stop and used my phone to ring loads of taxis cos her phone went dead... And in between rang the house party person, all in all made about 15 phonecalls on my phone.. Then when taxi was on the way she discovered she hadnt enough money for it and asked me for 20euro which I gave her, then realised shed no cigs and took half of my box saying shed pay me back next day.
I just lost my job of 5 years today and she knew that.. I'm very annoyed with her over it and said so but she didn't seem to notice cos she's in drunk happy mode..
The same girl would be a lot wealthier than I am, has thousands in savings but never seems to have it with her..
Can someone tell me am I right to be p*ssed with her or am I just gone old and settled!!! I dont get out as much since I had the baby and I don't get to see her as often so I did feel a bit guilty over that.. She used to be my partner in crime for partying before I had a baby..
So was she being selfish or is it just me?

Zombrex

Initial reading your friend comes across like a complete selfish bitch.

I'm guessing though that if you are friends with her she probably isn't like this most of the time, and this was an out of the ordinary event. I would be curious why she was so desperate to get to this house party, was she depressed about something and trying to keep the party going so she didn't have to face going home. Or was she hoping that you would come along with her if she kept asking.

Now don't get me wrong, what she did was utterly disgraceful. But I would suggest since you are friends you actually call her on it and ask to know what the f**k was going on with her that night. When someone is drunk they can think that their problems are the only problems in the world.

Either call her, or text her, or email her (what ever you are comfortable with) basically saying Hey what was up with you last night. Explain to her that she had you driving her around town, giving her money, waiting for her, minding her etc. all after you had had some bad news. That this was very bad form and you want to know what is going on with her.

Be matter of fact about it, try and keep emotional language out of it. You don't need to scold her, she is an adult and you are an adult. Whether she was or wasn't being bad form is not up for debate, she was, it is not your emotional opinion. You simply want to know why.

It could be that she is annoyed that you two are no longer partners in crime. Could be something else unrelated to you. Who knows, could be that she is simply a selfish bitch.

You are giving her a chance to explain, if she says she has no idea what you are talking about, she was being perfectly normal last night then I would be wondering about the friendship.

Killed By Death

She sounds like a right freeloader. No wonder she has thousands in the bank.

I'd be having words with her about it.

RachaelVO

I think it has to depend on how you value this friendship and what kind of friendship it is.

I have some VERY close friends, who I wouldn't hesitate to take 20e off, nor would I hesitate to give it. Wouldn't bother me remotely. These are the friends where I would walk into their house and make meself a cup of tea. These few (and I stress few) friends are the friendships I value most, and are worth more to me than a few euro. Even in a drunken "I'm all about me" state it's a very definite two way street!

I have other friends and I wouldn't even think of asking them for 20e, and I'd be pretty weirded out if they asked me for money. If I offered fine, but otherwise... NO! I do enjoy this group of friends company, but I don't have the same connection as I would with the first group (am I making sense?)

You have to decide what this friendship is worth, and whether she'd be offended at you even asking her for the money back, and do you care if she is offended?

No matter what, be honest with her, and tell her that you need your money back, you've a baby, no job and that things are going to be very tight for you and that you just can't afford to give 20e at the drop of a hat! If she's a good friend she'll apologise or at the very least understand... If not, then you have a pretty significant answer!

Daisy M

She was extremely cheeky asking you to drive her to the party, but as you said she was drunk and in the party mode so maybe she wasnt really thinking about how much doing so would put you out. Regarding the fags and money, is that not a loan, are you not expecting to get that money back? Just send her a text ask if she had a good night and let her know you need the money back soon as you have no more wages coming in.

XarcherX

Hi op here, well she has pulled this kind of thing before with money.. We'd be out together and by the end of the night I'd end up having to buy her drink and pay for the cab home yet one time after she said shed no money for a cab I saw 50 sticking out of her pocket..
But then sober during the day she's a great friend in other ways.
She was always more of a party animal than I was but I really thought last night was selfish considering I just lost my job..
Also recently it's dawned on me that were now 2 very different people, she called down to my house a few weeks ago for a DVD night in and we'd a few glasses of wine, she got drunk fairly fast, spent the whole time on the phone and eventually found a party to go to and left. We didn't even really get to chat that night.. Maybe she just sees me as settled and too boing for her now that iv commitments..
I got a voicemail off her at 9am this morning saying she was still drinking and needed a lift home if I could collect her.. I didn't bother ringing back..

miss no stars

I'd say ditch the girl but then I remembered you've just lost your job. When she sobers up later just send her a text saying hope she had a good night, hopefully you can meet up soon for a proper catch up as it's been ages since you last talked properly. Then just say oh by the way, if you're passing by my house could you drop the 20 euro in asap, have baby and no job, really can't afford to just let it go sorry!

kill her with kindness over it.

I don't want to be all doom and gloom but you'll need your friends in the coming time while you're looking for a new job.

miss no stars

sunflower27 wrote: »

Yes, she will need her friends, not someone that blatantly takes advantage and takes money off her. That is the last thing the OP needs.

Take advantage of her company for the time being. Just don't let her away with her crap. For example: "Can I have a lift to xxx" No - sorry, no job, no money. "Can I have 20 euro for my taxi?" No, only have enough for myself, sorry, but I'm sure the taxi driver will stop at an ATM for you.

It sounds like this girl acts the way she does cause she's let to. Just keep her in line and keep her as someone the OP can see now and again if she's getting lonely. The girl can't force her to give her money. OP should maybe consider not being around her when she's drinking. Just meet her for coffee on a weekend afternoon.

There's no point going around burning bridges. Just ask for the money back and don't lend her any more. She was drunk and out of line - yes. But the OP said she's a great friend when she's sober during the day, just modify the terms of when you see her. No point losing someone the OP herself has described as a great friend when she's not drinking for the sake of 20 euro and laying down some boundaries.

dellas1979

XarcherX wrote: »

I got a voicemail off her at 9am this morning saying she was still drinking and needed a lift home if I could collect her.. I didn't bother ringing back..

Ya what now? That is just bould out. And you did the right thing. Maybe she is having a hard time accepting that things have changed-as you said she was your drinking buddy. Maybe she is missing that. Does she pay you back if she takes money/cigs?

IsaMtq

Wow, she sounds like a great friend to have. NOT. She’s an absolute scrounge. I had a friend like this once, we were friends for about 4 years and she just took and took and never gave back, and I never had any confidence to do anything about it and just basically let her walk all over me. I eventually saw the light and we’re no longer friends and it’s no loss. I just regret that I was such a pushover and never opened my mouth to say anything. That’ll never happen me again! Now I’m not saying you should lose your friend over this but you absolutely have to tell her that carry on is completely unacceptable – even if you hadn’t lost your job and watching your money, it’s still out of order.

Also, she sounds fairly self-obsessed if she couldn’t sit in with you and have a quite night & a catch up. Maybe she has some issues, but that’s no licence to treat you badly!