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Am i right to be annoyed?

  • 02-03-2012 3:37pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    hi there, basically ive been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half now...as with any relationship there have been ups and downs but we have a genuinely loving and happy relationship that i know many of my friends are envious of. However, i guess noone really sees what the people in the relationship do and there have been some things that have genuinely annoyed me. The question i ask is whether i have a leg to stand on or not...

    The problem is she is currently living abroad for a year in Spain. She can be the sweetest person in the world but when having a few drinks has been prone to be a little volatile and this has been the source of most problems in the relationship. The thing is in her quest to meet new foreign friends she has met a few guys that i being a male know like her and its not that i dont trust her but i dont trust them. The major example coming from a few days ago when she went to go for drinks with a "friend" i warned her that i could tell he had alterior motives for the meet up but regardless she went to his family home and had a meal with his family. She then proceeded to get drunk at which point he began to try it on with her and even began to "nibble her ear" she told me this made her so uncomfortable but that she was too drunk to head home so was forced to stay as the time was already 6 am. as is normal with spanish culture to drink later.
    The thing is that most of these guys who i can 100% tell want to get with her stop talking to her after they find out i exist yet she still persists in talking to these people and hanging out with them...should i be annoyed because its so obvious they have one thing on their mind? and before people say i dont trust her. i do! its just i really dont trust the people she refuses to stop hanging out with and i dont want her taken advantage of! I'm annoyed that she lets herself get in positions in which something could happen when i myself have never allowed myself to come close to being seduced or cheating... i would genuinely like an outside opinion on how to deal with this situation as its been racking my brain for the last few days!
    thank you


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    its not that i dont trust her but i dont trust them.

    This doesnt make any sense... If you trust her there is no problem full stop...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,255 ✭✭✭✭Esoteric_


    You don't want her in a situation where she could be seduced or cheating. Yet you claim to trust her? Sorry OP, that doesn't add up.


    I don't think you trust her at all. But I also think that she seems to like this male attention, at least somewhat, which is why she's continuing to associate herself with these guys. It's not impossible to get talking to women in a new country, why is she only talking to guys?

    If you genuinely fear that she will be 'taken advantage of' or attacked or something, explain this to her but ultimately the decision is hers. At the end of the day, she has done nothing wrong, so no, you're not right to be annoyed.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    This doesnt make any sense... If you trust her there is no problem full stop...

    I'd love to know if the genders were reversed would you say that.

    I'm a guy and I wouldn't trust the situation, and if she is intent on putting herself in those situations all the time, knowing what it means to her partner, then I would question her. Why does she persist in doing it? There's no answer to that, is there?

    I'd be out of there.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Why is your girlfriend living in Spain? Is this something she had organised before she met you? The whole situation sounds very bizarre to be honest. I'm with my boyfriend almost two years. Now if I'd decided I was heading off to Spain prior to meeting him, I would've gone if I hadn't see a future between us. But if I had felt that I had something good with him, I wouldn't have gone.
    If she decided to go while you and she were seeing each other, I think it's odd that the both of you have maintained the relationship. It would be a different scenario if the two of you had committed to each other already and then she had to go away for employment reasons. But the two of you are only going out a year and a half, and she's already fecked off to Spain. Why are you keeping the relationship going?

    Added to all this, she is flirting with other men. Going to a male friend's house to meet his parents? She's leading him on. He thinks she's his girlfriend! Her behaviour is totally unacceptable, and she needs to be told that. If you don't, she will continue to walk all over you.

    It's your choice at the end of the day : Do you really want to maintain a long distance relationship (which are difficult to maintain at the ebst of times!!) with a girl who flirts with every man who comes along?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    hi there, basically ive been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half now...as with any relationship there have been ups and downs but we have a genuinely loving and happy relationship that i know many of my friends are envious of. However, i guess noone really sees what the people in the relationship do and there have been some things that have genuinely annoyed me. The question i ask is whether i have a leg to stand on or not...

    The problem is she is currently living abroad for a year in Spain. She can be the sweetest person in the world but when having a few drinks has been prone to be a little volatile and this has been the source of most problems in the relationship. The thing is in her quest to meet new foreign friends she has met a few guys that i being a male know like her and its not that i dont trust her but i dont trust them. The major example coming from a few days ago when she went to go for drinks with a "friend" i warned her that i could tell he had alterior motives for the meet up but regardless she went to his family home and had a meal with his family. She then proceeded to get drunk at which point he began to try it on with her and even began to "nibble her ear" she told me this made her so uncomfortable but that she was too drunk to head home so was forced to stay as the time was already 6 am. as is normal with spanish culture to drink later.
    The thing is that most of these guys who i can 100% tell want to get with her stop talking to her after they find out i exist yet she still persists in talking to these people and hanging out with them...should i be annoyed because its so obvious they have one thing on their mind? and before people say i dont trust her. i do! its just i really dont trust the people she refuses to stop hanging out with and i dont want her taken advantage of! I'm annoyed that she lets herself get in positions in which something could happen when i myself have never allowed myself to come close to being seduced or cheating... i would genuinely like an outside opinion on how to deal with this situation as its been racking my brain for the last few days!
    thank you

    To be honest with you OP I don't think your g/f should be in a relationship with you at the minute. She is hell bent on telling you these stories knowing it will wreck your head. I would ignore her if I were you and stop reacting to her when she tells you this stuff. She is obviously trying to make you jealous or wind you up. I would be annoyed too if my OH were constantly telling me stories like this. If I were you I would change the subject any time she starts to go on like this. I woudln't worry about her either OP, she is well able to look after herself, just don't let her wind you up.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    I'd love to know if the genders were reversed would you say that.

    I am not sexist so I would say the same.
    I'm a guy and I wouldn't trust the situation, and if she is intent on putting herself in those situations all the time, knowing what it means to her partner, then I would question her. Why does she persist in doing it? There's no answer to that, is there?

    I would question her too. The point here is that OP claims to trust her but not the rest of the male population of Spain.

    I lived there for a few years and the dynamic between men and women is different in that male / female friendships seem to be less sexually driven in general. She is also in a new place and trying to make friends plus the night life there does go on all night..

    The point being is that she is doing nothing abnormal in her environment but the OP doesnt trust men around her aka doesnt trust her but dont admit it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,643 ✭✭✭R.D. aka MR.D


    I'm a girl and I've been in a LDR briefly. We had been together for 3 years and then I had to move. When I moved and started going out with my friends and I was getting a lot of male attention. I enjoyed it and indulged in a lot of flirting.

    We broke up eventually because I realised I wanted to be single.

    It happens op, and I wouldn't waste any time on a girl who would essentially rub it in that she was doing all this flirting.

    No girl is as naive not to know when a guy is into her, even a little bit, we do generally pretend that we don't because we don't know for sure but usually have a bit of a suspicion.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    You say you trust her but I wouldn't. A guy starts nibbling on her ear that supposedly makes her feel really uncomfortable yet she doesn't leave? Bull**** tbh. If the girl is getting so drunk that she can't leave a situation where she is feeling very uncomfortable then that's a serious problem. My guess is she wants to break up with you but doesn't have the backbone to do it so she is telling you all this in the hope you do it instead. I'd jack it in if I was you, chances are she'll continue leading guys on and getting herself in situations where she will eventually cheat because deep down she wants to.


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