Wedding Present

LegacyUser

Hi just wanted to get some opinions really. Myself & OH invited to wedding of his best friends brother. We think €100 is enough to give as a present from both of us but it has come to light that the groom had mentioned to other friends of ours that its the done thing now for a present for a single person to be 100-150 and 200 for a couple? Two single friends are giving 150 each and one of them is a single mom.

Now, we have a 1yr old son and Im a stay @ home mom and my partner (construction worker..grr) is currently unemployed and has only had short term work over the last 3 yrs. I have had to save for the last month to cover the 100 present, and another 100/150 for the day. Things are pretty tight at the moment and I borrowed a dress to wear, my friend is doing me hair ect to keep costs down, also we will not be staying the night at the hotel as its very expensive.

Is €100 an adequate amount for a couple like us?

woodchuck

weddingwoes wrote: »

Is €100 an adequate amount for a couple like us?

I would think so! To be honest I think it’s very rude of the groom to have mentioned the expected amounts to anybody :mad: Give what you can afford and if they are ungrateful then that is absolutely their own problem.

Have they requested cash? You could always buy them a gift instead and that way they wouldn’t know exactly how much you’ve spent.

Honey-ec

weddingwoes wrote: »

Is €100 an adequate amount for a couple like us?

Absolutely. The days of there being a "set" amount considered acceptable as a wedding present are long gone; things are tight for everyone and the bride and groom should be well aware of this. If they're looking at the presents as a way to cover the costs of the wedding, then they should have examined their budget a bit more.

Two friends of mine weren't going to come to my wedding as they couldn't afford a present on top of the cost of attending.. I told them not to be daft, that I wanted them there far more than any present they might have given me.

MissFlitworth

weddingwoes wrote: »

We think €100 is enough to give as a present from both of us but it has come to light that the groom had mentioned to other friends of ours that its the done thing now for a present for a single person to be 100-150 and 200 for a couple?

The groom is a cheeky chancer. No matter what your financial circumstances it is beyond bad manners to suggest a figure for people to give as a wedding present! €100 is a generous gift, go for it.

(if he keeps going around telling people that they should be giving about €200 per couple he's going to get a lot of picture frames and the like from people who can't afford to do that so they buy a present rather than give cash to avoid having the amount they spent be obvious)

If I heard anyone being so ignorant and greedy as to stipulate what kind of present they wanted, and to what value.
I would go eat all around me, and not give them a blessed thing.

Are you friends with the couple directly?
If your a seat filler, in your fiancial situation. I wouldn't waste the cash on their wedding. You won't be missed.

Mighty_Mouse

Celtic tiger is dead baby!!
The aim is to cover the cost of the dinner/hotel etc.
I reckon €50 pp is reasonable.

I would feel sick if I thought my mates were sacrificing to give me money.

LegacyUser

Yes 100 is more then adequate. I'm going to my cousins wedding next month and I'm not giving anything near that. I grew up with this cousin being more like a brother to me and it is more important to me [and him] that I attend the wedding and like yourself I've had to save money in order to do that [wedding is in the UK] so I opted not to go crazy on a present as I just couldn't afford to. I can't see my cousin or anyone in my family batting an eye lid at that and any that do I'd frankly tell to f off.

Your partners best friends brother doesn't sound like a very close friend TBH so why would you go spending stupid money on them? The groom saying its the done thing to spend X amount is vulgar and makes it sound like they care more about the presents then the wedding and they might want to question why they are getting married.

stargazer 68

Have to agree with everyone else. I think its madness the expense put on people for weddings and what is 'the done thing'. A couple I know from Dublin are getting married later in the year in Clare - which means 2 days off work for some people and 2 nights in a hotel on top of everything else. Sheer madness.

Make your own 'done thing'!!

Pebbles68

If they really want you at the wedding they shouldn't care about the present. They should be focussed on what the day is about, exchanging vows and making a lifelong promise to each other. Not how much they can make from their guests. Personally I'd politely decline the invite. There's no shame these days in being honest about your finances, there's plenty more out there like you.

Beruthiel

weddingwoes wrote: »

it has come to light that the groom had mentioned to other friends of ours that its the done thing now for a present for a single person to be 100-150 and 200 for a couple

My arse it is.
You do not invite people to your wedding in order to milk money out of them.
I'm of the opinion you only invite people you want there and you, the couple, pay for that privilege of having them with you to celebrate your special day.
You should expect nothing from your guests other that they help make it a great day.
The fact that they are prepared to give a gift on top of that is a bonus. No matter what that gift is.
Don't feel guilty about what you can or cannot afford OP.
This is down to a greed issue, not your problem.

Nyan Cat

its cases like this where people 'drop hints' about what amount they expect as a pressie that give weddings a bad name. not everyone try to cover costs of the wedding with pressies but too many do, which is why the pressie thing got out of hand in the celtic tiger years and still continues. id be tempte to get them a toaster for that.

i echo what others say though. if they are friends they want you there, not your money. and if they are good friends theyd understand you are very cash strapped

Sleepy

I'm getting married early next year and while, to be honest, I'd prefer cash gifts than picture frames/ornaments/wine glasses etc. it's my guests' presence I want: not their money.

My fiancée would be pissed off if a guest didn't get her a card but it wouldn't matter to either of us if the card was all that was in the envelope. So, yes, €100 is a perfectly acceptable present for a couple to give. It'd certainly cover the cost of your meal in any of the hotels we considered and tbh, if the groom is expecting to get 100-150 per head in gifts, he's in for a fairly nasty shock. Most people don't have that kind of money these days.

Neyite

I'd be itching to buy them an Argos toaster if I heard that crap.

Your gift should be within your means. Even if its a picture frame, its all about a gesture. Dont give more than €100.

solovely

It totally depends on the situation. The groom probably said that about people who are in very different financial situations to you and your OH. I am pretty sure, knowing your situation, they would not be at all offended by you giving €100.

What the groom said (in my social circle at least) is true. That's more or less the standard amount, however, that's for people mostly 30+ in full time employment earning €50k plus, so doesn't apply to you. Personally, I think if you're in a good financial situation and getting a great day out, you should be able to give a decent present to show your appreciation. I hate tight arsedness, where there is no valid reason for it. But your situation is completely different, and not comparable at all.

Would you consider not giving cash and giving something else instead if you are self conscious about giving that amount? A groupon voucher for a night away, make something personal? Do you have any skills you could offer for the day of the wedding? I made my cousin's wedding cake as her present. It shouldn't be all about cash and the "amount".

Big Bag of Chips

My husband's grandmother gave us €20. That present meant more to me than the more "generous" gifts we got, because that would have been a fairly sizeable chunk of her disposable income.

Also, I'd be wary of hearing information 2nd, or 3rd hand. The groom didn't say that to you, or even in your presence. You can't be certain that is what he said, or exactly what he said, or taken out of context, or said as a joke, with a "I'm-chancing-my-arm" wink.

Give what you can afford.

The couple will just want people there for their day... anything they get extra to that will ge a bonus. Whether they appreciate that now or not they will definitely appreciate it after the day.

Penny Dreadful

Honey-ec wrote: »

Absolutely. The days of there being a "set" amount considered acceptable as a wedding present are long gone; .

and should never have even existed in the world of well mannered people.
This drives me nuts.
You invite people to your wedding if you want them to share your celebration with you. You want them to have fun, good food, good wine and enjoy the company and music provided as entertainment. You do not invite them to pay for your party.
Arrgh some people are just so bloody rude.

Penny Dreadful

Mighty_Mouse wrote: »

Celtic tiger is dead baby!!
The aim is to cover the cost of the dinner/hotel etc.
I reckon €50 pp is reasonable.

I would feel sick if I thought my mates were sacrificing to give me money.

I thought you were invited to a wedding as a guest not as a paying guest?
You cannot invite people and expect them to pay for their own dinner. If you invite someone to your house for a home cooked meal you don't stick them with the bill for ingredients, time cooking, electricity, etc at the end of it so why would you for a wedding

ABajaninCork

If the groom (allegedly) thinks that E100-150 from a singleton and E150-200 for a couple is 'acceptable', then it makes me think that the happy couple are looking for cash gifts to make up the shortfall in the wedding budget. I fear he's heading for a fall if that's the thinking...

I remember reading a story on a thread on the Weddings forum here. There were 2 sisters. One got married during the 'Celtic Tiger' years and really raked in the dough. The other sister got married during the recession. Unfortunately, her mind was still in 'Celtic Tiger' mode, and thought she too could 'make' enough cash to cover her costs. You can guess what happened next - from what I remember, she and her husband had to take out a loan to cover the shortfall, as guests had got them loads of household goods in lieu of money!:eek:

kc66

I got married last year. We appreciated anything that anyone gave. It was nice for us to receive money but we didn't expect any amount from anyone. I doubt anyone will think any less of you. IMO €100 is plenty.

solovely

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

I thought you were invited to a wedding as a guest not as a paying guest?
You cannot invite people and expect them to pay for their own dinner. If you invite someone to your house for a home cooked meal you don't stick them with the bill for ingredients, time cooking, electricity, etc at the end of it so why would you for a wedding

In theory, that's the way it should be. But I think anyone who's ever been to a wedding in Ireland, knows the reality is quite different that!

I don't agree with that theory, but I also don't agree with being a tight arse out of principle either. You get people from both extremes!

But anyway, that hasn't got anything to do with the OP and her issue. As I said before, given your situation €100 is very generous, but I'd be looking to a cheaper, more thoughtful gift instead....

xzanti

weddingwoes wrote: »

it has come to light that the groom had mentioned to other friends of ours that its the done thing now for a present for a single person to be 100-150 and 200 for a couple? Two single friends are giving 150 each and one of them is a single mom.

Just WOW :eek:

I would respectfully decline their invitation and spend the money on a treat for yourself and your partner..

I've never heard of this before.. Do they know that the country is on it's knees with recession?

Holy sh1t.

lazygal

There is no standard gift expected, unless the couple are tightarses who expect their guests to pay for their wedding with cash gifts. We got all kinds of amounts and gifts from our guests, and didn't ask for anything from anyone. I was hurt to not get cards from several people, I don't think a card would overstretch anyone's budget, but give what you can afford. I love the frames and glasses we got and appreciate every single thing our guests gave us.

LovelyLottie

A couple of years ago i was going to the wedding of a close friend and she said that they wanted cash. If it had been me i wouldn't have said 'I want cash' and so it annoyed me - i made sure i got them a (very generous!) voucher instead, because i just thought it so money-grabbing to be counting up in her head the money she was going to be receiving. If you're gonna have a big f*ck-off wedding, why should the guests feel obliged to literally hand over cash to pay for it?

In Dublin, in my experience, if i'm giving cash it'd be 100 as a single person. Though, these days i am really cash-strapped so i might give less, maybe 80. To very close friends i've given more than 100 in the past, but i couldn't afford to do so now. If i'd gone as a couple it would've been 200.

But having said all that, when people ask for cash it just irks me. And so i make sure i give a voucher for a restaurant or one of the blue book vouchers. Just so my money doesn't end up paying for bloody chair covers. Don't 'invite' me to your wedding and expect me to hand over an entrance fee!

CathyMoran

They are being silly - they invited you. You should not have to pay anything to attend - they should be glad of your company.

I did not mention gifts at my wedding though we did recieve some.

Pandora2

Got married a few years ago.......and we specifically asked guests not to get into the whole gift thing at all!! It was a smallish wedding, service followed by the usual meal, drinks & dancing.

They ignored us!! We did receive some cash but mostly gifts and it is those that we treasure...A painting (now pride of place in my dining room), some picture frames in which I display our photo's, a wedding memory box in which I keep cards, menu, wedding favours, my dried bouquet, my garter, his buttonhole, some beautiful crystal, that kind of thing. A few vouchers too which we were very grateful for. The cash was great and paid for a few lovely nights out when on honeymoon but the gifts.......well they are daily reminders of a beautiful day.

Do exactly as you see fit....you have been invited and it is not conditional on a certain contribution, if that were the case they should sell tickets!!;)

gud4u

Myself and my husband never benefited from the tiger so even then we only gave 100 to 150. We couldn't even get a mortgage in the boom. I couldn't care less if my friends think I'm tight, they don't know, nor care i'd imagine, that I can't sleep some nights worrying about money.

Give what you can afford, do not feel pressure to keep up to what's expected, that's what's wrong with this country.

I have friends getting married this year and they have put, 'your presence and not your presents are required' in a verse,-couples on the invite, granted it's an informal do, but I know most people going are giving 50-100, depending on what's in the pocket on the day.

MistyCheese

It's generally considered rude for a couple to directly ask for money. The closest you should come is having a close family memeber eg, parents/siblings of the bride or groom, mention that the couple would like money. And that's if someone actually asks "What should I get for the couple?"

For the groom to ask, not just for money but for an amount, is insulting to the people who had considered themselves to be friends of this man.

Why doesn't he just sell tickets? €150 for a single person having a chicken dinner, €165 for a single person having a steak dinner, €40 for a child eating off the children's menu...

jmauel

Well I got married last year and I think €100 is a very generous present. Loads of our guests gave us nothing, not even a card. You invite people because you want them at your wedding not for what you can get out of them.
Dont feel bad for one minute about the amount you plan to give, everyone has to live within their means.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. I am relieved that most people seem to be level headed about wedding presents. I think when myself and oh finally get married I will be adding 'your presence is present enough' on all the invites!

Thanks again!

Moonbeam

I think 100 euro is really kind and generous of you.

We know people will give us presents but do not expect them and if someone wanted o
to give us a present and was short of money I would love for them to either offer me a nights baby sitting or come over some night and treat us to a take away or to do something with them.

John Mason

we were invited to a wedding a few years and the groom made it known he wanted a minimum of 80e from each people.

we got him a 40e photo frame, which is what you should do

we are getting married next and have clearly stipulated - no gifts cash or otherwise

Jerry Jordan

I always give 200 Euros when the hubby and I attend weddings. But that is because we are able to afford it as we both work. We certainly wouldnt get ourselves into debt to attend a wedding. The 100 Euros is fine if that is what you can afford. So dont worry. I dont like weddings where the couple have given the guests a present list, i think its a disgrace.

Squiggler

There are a lot of really crass "traditions" making their way over from the US and this is just one of them (along with "showers", one of my pet hates).

The bride and groom should never ask for, or expect, gifts, let alone demand them and dictate what or how much they should be. In my experience the same people who dictate to their guests are also apparently unable to write as they inevitably fail to acknowledge the gifts given to them.

I agree with the other posters who have suggested that you choose a nice personal gift for the couple.