Escorts and My Girlfriend

LegacyUser

Can't believe I'm even writing this but here it goes.

I'm a man in his late twenties and I have a brilliant girlfriend. She is my dream girl and I love her so much. She means the world to me and I would never do anything to hurt her and I believe she feels very much the same. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Which is what the problem is.

I have never ever cheated on her or with any of my previous girlfriends. But the realisation of spending the rest of my life making love to the same women has hit me, and tbh it don't sit to well with me.

It's got to the stage now where I'm alomost on the verge of visiting an escort. A couple of my work pals visit them regularly and are always going on about this and that with them. They recommended a website where these girls advertise and I was amazed at how beautiful they all looked.

Me and my girlfriend have a great sex life, but there are a couple of things I would like to try that she won't. These girls offer these services and the idea of arriving to them and getting that service and going home appeals to me. No attachment, no feelings just a service provided.

The lads views is that they go on the way home from work on a Friday and then go on home to there wives who are oblivious to it all. There argument is that what the women don't know won't hurt them and the lads themselves feel sexually satisfied and in many cases keeps their own relationships alive.

So in their view it's a win win. They can stay happily in their sex less marriage and raise their kids together as a family. But now I'm starting to see their thinking.

If I was to engage in the services of an escort and was sexually satisfied, I could go home to my girlfriend. It wouldn't mean I loved her any less or would it? Apart from maybe the guilt that I would feel?

Would that make me any less of a boyfriend.

I'm rambling bit here but basically am I wrong for having these thoughts? Would I be wrong to follow on with these feelings?

Thanks for listening. I just had to get that out of my system! I hope what I'm saying makes sense?

Thanks

username123

confused28 wrote: »

But the realisation of spending the rest of my life making love to the same women has hit me, and tbh it don't sit to well with me.

Then break up with her and sleep with different women.

She would be well rid of you and your friends, you lot sound like right crowd of misogynists. Objectifying women is not a healthy trait. Neither is paying for sex as a service. If youre not happy with your sex life then find someone who is willing to do the things you want to do. If your friends have sexless marriages then thats their problem.

And yes, it would make you less of a boyfriend. It would make you a cheat. A cheat who doesnt even cheat with someone who wants to be with him, but someone who grits their teeth and is with him for the money. It would make you the lowest of the low imo.

ash23

confused28 wrote: »

The lads views is that they go on the way home from work on a Friday and then go on home to there wives who are oblivious to it all. There argument is that what the women don't know won't hurt them and the lads themselves feel sexually satisfied and in many cases keeps their own relationships alive.

Feck what the lads think. Have you a brain of your own? What do you think? What do you think your girlfriend would think?

So in their view it's a win win. They can stay happily in their sex less marriage and raise their kids together as a family. But now I'm starting to see their thinking.

You don't have a sexless relationship so their "excuses" are null and void. You just want to try something that your gf isn't into and are listening to (what sounds like) a bunch of bored, sleazy business men making excuses for being dirt birds.

If I was to engage in the services of an escort and was sexually satisfied, I could go home to my girlfriend. It wouldn't mean I loved her any less or would it? Apart from maybe the guilt that I would feel?

Would that make me any less of a boyfriend.

I'm rambling bit here but basically am I wrong for having these thoughts? Would I be wrong to follow on with these feelings?

Thanks for listening. I just had to get that out of my system! I hope what I'm saying makes sense?

Thanks

Would your gf think it made you less of a boyfriend or think that you loved her less because you're sleeping with prostitutes? Would she think you were wrong to follow up on these feelings?
Because essentially, we're just a bunch of anon posters. Your girlfriend is the one you live with, the one you say you love, the only one who will end up getting hurt by this. So it's her opinion you should be thinking about.
But of course, you know the answers to these questions and are just looking for someone here to validate you.
Good luck with that :rolleyes:

Lorna123

confused28 wrote: »

Can't believe I'm even writing this but here it goes.

I'm a man in his late twenties and I have a brilliant girlfriend. She is my dream girl and I love her so much. She means the world to me and I would never do anything to hurt her and I believe she feels very much the same. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Which is what the problem is.

I have never ever cheated on her or with any of my previous girlfriends. But the realisation of spending the rest of my life making love to the same women has hit me, and tbh it don't sit to well with me.

It's got to the stage now where I'm alomost on the verge of visiting an escort. A couple of my work pals visit them regularly and are always going on about this and that with them. They recommended a website where these girls advertise and I was amazed at how beautiful they all looked.

Me and my girlfriend have a great sex life, but there are a couple of things I would like to try that she won't. These girls offer these services and the idea of arriving to them and getting that service and going home appeals to me. No attachment, no feelings just a service provided.

The lads views is that they go on the way home from work on a Friday and then go on home to there wives who are oblivious to it all. There argument is that what the women don't know won't hurt them and the lads themselves feel sexually satisfied and in many cases keeps their own relationships alive.

So in their view it's a win win. They can stay happily in their sex less marriage and raise their kids together as a family. But now I'm starting to see their thinking.

If I was to engage in the services of an escort and was sexually satisfied, I could go home to my girlfriend. It wouldn't mean I loved her any less or would it? Apart from maybe the guilt that I would feel?

Would that make me any less of a boyfriend.

I'm rambling bit here but basically am I wrong for having these thoughts? Would I be wrong to follow on with these feelings?

Thanks for listening. I just had to get that out of my system! I hope what I'm saying makes sense?

Thanks

My first reaction is that this is cheating on your girlfriend. Ask yourself would you like if she did this with another man??? Would it bother you if you didn't know that she did it but found out later on ???? You can rest assured that if you go this route you will probably do this on a regular basis and eventually your gf will find out. Are you prepared to take the chance and risk everything??? People always want what they can't have and then when they get it, it is not that great. Would you not prefer to be able to say in years to come "I never cheated on my wife" or does that bother you??? Just say you go to an escort and you find that the sex is wonderful, amazing, where does that leave your gf, you will start to get dissatisfied and start to find more and more fault with her and the whole thing will end in dissaster. Don't go there and stay happy would be my advice because this route is never going to lead to happiness. We can't always have everything in this life so settle for what you have would be my best advice especially when it means so much to you.

mike0c

If you love your girlfriend and want to keep her in your life then it's definitely not worth risking it. It's normal to have cold feet or worry about having just one woman but let it be just that. If you want to stay with this woman and possibly marry her then don't jepordise it just to have meaningless sex.

I'm not just saying that because it is ethically wrong but also if she does find out and you break up over it you will never forgive yourself. It basically comes down to is it worth the risk. If not then obviously don't go through with it. If it is and your willing to lose her over this then you shouldn't be marrying this woman in the first place.

stargazer 68

Basically you are trying to be 'one of the lads' and justify cheating - bet you anything the 'lads' are full of ****!! If you want to sleep with other women then break up with this girl and let her be with someone who deserves her and will treat her properly.

Idle Passerby

This is disgusting. How could you go home to your girlfriend who loves and trusts you after being with a woman who is most likely doing something she loaths for your cash.

Maybe Im making a generalisation here, but people who make their living selling their bodies to strangers are usually not in the job for the love of the work! What little girl says "when I grow up I want to have sex with random strangers who don't give a crap about me or my well being"?

As other posters have said, would you think it was fine if she was paying a stranger to give her the sex she feels is lacking from you? Would you like it if you found out after years of this that she thought it was fine because her friends do it too?

I pity your girlfriend. She probably believes she has a lovely boyfriend who wants to treat her well. I hope for her sake she leaves you before she's stuck with you.

lazygal

You sound like you don't actually want to commit to only having sex with one woman. And if that's not for you, don't be in a committed relationship. I would also advise you to take a lot of the 'lad's chat' with a large vat of salt. You're making out like having sex with another women is just something to do on a recreational basis, like joining a football team or starting a night class. It also sounds like you feel its a totally natural part of men's sexual behaviour with lines like 'I'm now on the verge of visiting an escort'. For goodness' sake, you do have a choice about whether you have sex with someone else, its not just part of life.


I think your girlfriend would be well shot of you and I feel sorry for the partners of your friends if what they claim is actually true.

LegacyUser

Not worth it dude.....

Unless you're after something which you'll never be happy without then maybe find a new woman.

Some of those things you haven't tried, you mightn't even like or you might just get bored with after a while anyway which won't be as important in the long run as a brilliant partner and great sex life.

No amount of looking into the dead eyes / or arse of a prostitute (escort is a very nice word) will ever make up for what you might lose as a result of your actions.

I met a bunch of Scottish lads on holidays years ago... their wives were at home. They were sleeping with hookers every night. I just thought it a bit sad that they had so little respect for the women they were on the phones to every evening.

If I was you I might think about changing my work pals.... they've normalised it in their lives so it seems normal to you.

squonk

A couple of things strike me here. First off, it strikes me as though you're not ready for a long term committed relationship. You mention the sex is great but your gf won't swing from the rafters just because you want to. Well, frankly, relationships are about compromise. You should be getting a bit of what you want and your gf likewise. In that respect you'd be far better employed sitting down talking through your needs with your OH rather than seeking outside assistance so to speak. OK, she mightn't be into the more extreme things but might try being more adventurous the odd time if she knew it means something to you.

Secondly, you need to really assess what your friends are telling you. They are, in my experience, certainly not in the regular demographic. I think if this way of life suits them then that's for them to say but you need to critically look at yourself and your own relatinoship and decide what you want. On another note, perhaps what you're hearing is turning your ear so to speak in that listening to guy A say 'Oh we did X, Y and Z on Friday and it was sweet' is altering your perception of normal every day plain vanilla style intimacy. If your ideas of what you want have altered recently then you need to sit down and decide what you need to do. If all you want is a bit of fun and high jinx then you need to split up with your gf, but in the end, that's all you'll ever have, high jinx. I think any relationship is going to resort to the mundane in the long term. Even having steak every day for dinner becomes mundane after a while. Some days, you're into the whole three course meal and others you're happy with beans on toast. Ideally I think you need to sort out who your friends are and decide whether the quality of the lifestyle advice you're being given is up to scratch. We all have friends who come along and turn out to be dumbasses. The trick is in recognizing them and either ignoring them or getting rid of them.

Ultimately I think you need to spend some time considering your relationship. Is it really what you want and is it more important than everything else. If you find you have higher priority needs, then you owe it to your other half to let her move on. Actively planning on cheating on her isn't a good strategy in the long run and if you feel this is what you need, then don't waste her time as she's going to find out but, in the meantime, you'll have robbed her of years of her life when she could have been far happier.

thefeatheredcat

confused28 wrote: »

The lads views is that they go on the way home from work on a Friday and then go on home to there wives who are oblivious to it all. There argument is that what the women don't know won't hurt them and the lads themselves feel sexually satisfied and in many cases keeps their own relationships alive.

So in their view it's a win win. They can stay happily in their sex less marriage and raise their kids together as a family. But now I'm starting to see their thinking.

Are they being really honest or just stretching the truth a lot? What they're doing is effectively ignoring that there's a problem in their relationships and not addressing it. They're addressing their needs but they're not addressing the obvious problem in their relationship that exists, as you put it, in sexless marriages. Bit cowardly imo to not deal with issues in a marriage or relationship.

If you're freaking out about a long term commitment to one person than you really need to sort your head out. Guilt is a really difficult thing to have to deal with and if you go ahead with the escort services, you may regret it and feel guilt. Nobody will know how you feel or tell you exactly how to live with guilt. The lads may agree with the idea only because it brings you down to their level, which is a few notches below where you are.

If you've never cheated on a girlfriend, why start now when you have a great relationship? Sounds like the lads wouldn't mind egging you on to use escourt services in a bid to damage your otherwise almost perfect relationship with someone you love. If they have problems in their relationships there's probably a hint of jealousy within them about yours... and believe it or not some people can be like that where they will convince you that X is alright to do but really they want to send you to doom and have your life fall to pieces.

If you go ahead with it, will you be happy to live with whatever you feel afterwards, or will you find a need to unload that guilt and tell her? Chances are if she finds out (and I would say there's a chance that your "lads" may end up telling her in a roundabout way by accident or be overheard or something) it could be the end of the relationship.

Think for yourself, with head and heart.

Dolbert

Have a read of this and then tell me it's a win-win situation.

You've basically all but convinced yourself that this is all fine and dandy, even the language you use deliberately distances yourself from the reality of what you are about to do, 'services', 'escorts' etc. You honestly see nothing wrong with shagging a hooker on the way home from work(!) and then coming home to play happy families with your oblivious girlfriend?

I presume then that you'd be equally okay with her visiting a male escort on her lunch hour, (nothing personal like, just availing of a 'service'), and then snuggling up with you on the couch like butter wouldn't melt? 'Cos that wouldn't be cheating, yeah? Pull the other one, and stop thinking with your d*ck.

Da Shins Kelly

Do your girlfriend a favour and break up with her, and stop trying to justify this sleazy behaviour.

Wester

OP, let me put it bluntly. Man up! Because real men don't cheat on their wives/girlfriends, even if you think that going to an escort signifies a casual meeting rather than actual cheating (that's the impression you're giving me). And as for your friends and their bravado, whether real or not, they sound like a bunch of losers.

tinkerbell

OP, what the hell are you thinking? First of all, your friends are a bunch of scumbags. They are lying cheating pieces of crap paying for sex and then going home to their totally oblivious wife / girlfriend.

If you and your gf have a great sexlife as you say, then get over your stupid fantasy. How can you even think of going about shagging another woman when you claim to love your gf? I suggest you think about how you would feel if your girlfriend decided that she wanted to pay for sex too.

Not to mention all the health risks you'll be exposing her to. I suggest you either (a) cop onto yourself and dump your rotten friends or (b) you end things with your gf so that she can be with a guy who actually respects and loves her, coz you clearly do not.

SineadMarie

Bunch of sleazebags!!! You claim that you love your gf but how can you if your considering this?? I suggest set her free to find someone that will treat her right!

pickarooney

Often the person you want to spend your time with and the person you want to (or can) do filthy things with are not the same person. It's up to you to make the sacrifice, the compromise or the break.

Chinafoot

confused28 wrote: »

Would that make me any less of a boyfriend.

I'm rambling bit here but basically am I wrong for having these thoughts? Would I be wrong to follow on with these feelings?

Do you think you're wrong? I mean, if you don't think going down this road is wrong why aren't you having this conversation with your girlfriend?

You seem to have convinced yourself that this is just a business transaction that means nothing, so why can't you be open with her about it?

Abi

confused28 wrote: »

Can't believe I'm even writing this but here it goes.

I'm a man in his late twenties and I have a brilliant girlfriend. She is my dream girl and I love her so much. She means the world to me and I would never do anything to hurt her and I believe she feels very much the same. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Which is what the problem is.

I have never ever cheated on her or with any of my previous girlfriends. But the realisation of spending the rest of my life making love to the same women has hit me, and tbh it don't sit to well with me.

It's got to the stage now where I'm alomost on the verge of visiting an escort. A couple of my work pals visit them regularly and are always going on about this and that with them. They recommended a website where these girls advertise and I was amazed at how beautiful they all looked.

Me and my girlfriend have a great sex life, but there are a couple of things I would like to try that she won't. These girls offer these services and the idea of arriving to them and getting that service and going home appeals to me. No attachment, no feelings just a service provided.

The lads views is that they go on the way home from work on a Friday and then go on home to there wives who are oblivious to it all. There argument is that what the women don't know won't hurt them and the lads themselves feel sexually satisfied and in many cases keeps their own relationships alive.

So in their view it's a win win. They can stay happily in their sex less marriage and raise their kids together as a family. But now I'm starting to see their thinking.

If I was to engage in the services of an escort and was sexually satisfied, I could go home to my girlfriend. It wouldn't mean I loved her any less or would it? Apart from maybe the guilt that I would feel?

Would that make me any less of a boyfriend.

I'm rambling bit here but basically am I wrong for having these thoughts? Would I be wrong to follow on with these feelings?

Thanks for listening. I just had to get that out of my system! I hope what I'm saying makes sense?

Thanks

Oh it's quite clear alright. As the others have said its justification you're after. Subconsciously you know that it's wrong, or I doubt very much you would have posted here.

And as for your friends? My mother always used the saying "show me your company, and I'll show you what you are". Well my opinion of your friends is that that they're a shower of sleazy arseholes.

Feel free to join the club if you wish, just do your girlfriend a favour, and give her a chance of being with someone who REALLY loves her, respects her, and is loyal to her - just let her go.

Nabber

OP relationships are built on both having self control, which you are not displaying from the looks of it.

The best thing you could do is, go to your girlfriend. Tell her that sleeping with just one woman 'doesn't sit well' with you and would she be ok with you sleeping with escourts.

1 - If she says yes, then you have no problem.
2 - If she says no, then you can't justify sleeping with escorts, no matter how much you convince yourself.

Pretty simple, if you can't ask your GF then your answer is number 2.

aidan24326

I'm a man in his late twenties and I have a brilliant girlfriend. She is my dream girl and I love her so much

And you're prepared to risk all that for a couple of soulless trysts with a hooker? Do you not see how insane that would be?

Seriously man don't fool yourself here. You know she would dump your ass if she found out you had cheated on her with prostitutes. You'd be history. She'd likely feel disgusted, betrayed, extremely hurt, and never want you near her again. That would be the almost certain outcome and you know it.

You have to think of the consequences of what you do before you actually do it. The tearful apologies to your devastated girlfriend (if and when she found out) would be locking the stable door after the horse has bolted. Too late.

Ignore your workmates crass tales of what they get up to and don't indulge them. They sound like the sort of dick-swinging gobsh1tes that give guys a bad name.

beks101

My God, that was the most depressing post I've read around here in a while.

'The lads' are a bunch of weak, pathetic, sleazy arseholes (fat balding greased up business men comes to mind) and congratulations, you're about to join their club. I'm sure they'll all think you're a legend and you can all swap tips and recommend hookers to each other. Maybe even set up a threesome and then back to wifey for some dinner and lights-out missionary. Living the dream eh?

If having 'great' sex with no-one but your wonderful, amazing girlfriend who 'means the world' to you and you would 'never do anything to hurt'...is such a chore then perhaps monogamy is not for you. In which case, you prevent the hurt and treat her with the love you apparently feel for her by telling her. Give her the choice to leave, instead of making a mockery of her like those lovely mates of yours. Jesus. Vile.

Missy Moo Moo

It always amazes me how some people struggle to find the right person, while some people are lucky enough to find them and are so willing to throw it away.

OP, be honest with yourself. If it's the idea of being monogamous forever that repels you, then maybe you need to accept monogamy is not for you. Not everyone is wired that way. Maybe it's the lack of sexual compatibility that gets you down, if that's important to you and you want someone with which you can indulge in kinky sex with, go find that person.

Do not however, kid yourself by saying you can still love someone AND cheat on them. You can't. If you can bear the thought of sleeping with another woman and the thought of hurting your girlfriend, you either don't love her or you're a heartless b*stard. It's that simple.

Maybe the fantasy of sleeping with a prostitute gets you going but can you honestly say the reality would be the same? The women may be beautiful but they're not there because they like you, it's cos of your money. Doesn't that make you sad? They're about as interested in you as the telesales rep that calls you to sell you double glazing or the person who takes your order in mc donalds. They're doing a job. Also if you're any kind of a decent person, you'll feel guilt at sleeping with a prostitute. That's someones daughter/ sister/ etc

Time for some soul searching OP. Make a decision and stick with it but you can't have it every way. And your friends don't exactly sound like role models. Do you really want to be lumped in the same category as them?

ihsb

I don't think anyone else has said this, apart from the obvious emotional damage you will be doing to your relationship and your girlfriend WHEN she finds out.

There is the other side. Obviously most people try to be safe while having sex and I can only assume that many in the sex trade get regular testing. But the fact of the matter is having sex can be a dangerous game. No matter how protected you are, things can get through and how would you feel if you passed something on to this girl that you love so dearly?

At this point not only would she find out that you are a cheat but also that you were playing a dangerous game with her health. If these fantasies are so important to you then finish it with her. But rarely do fantasies live up in reality and you will find yourself missing the person you love.

Also. Dump those awful people you call friends.

strandroad

confused28 wrote: »

If I was to engage in the services of an escort and was sexually satisfied, I could go home to my girlfriend. It wouldn't mean I loved her any less or would it? Apart from maybe the guilt that I would feel?

Would that make me any less of a boyfriend.

I'm rambling bit here but basically am I wrong for having these thoughts? Would I be wrong to follow on with these feelings?

Well imagine your girlfriend meeting a guy every Friday to f___ her senseless, because he can give her an orgasm you can't. Imagine all her friends knowing and approving, but keeping you oblivious. Imagine getting to know after a couple of years that all the time she was happy to be with you but you were not good enough in the sack for her so she was two-timing. It's only sex, after all. How would you feel about it?

If you found out that getting all kinds of sex is indeed so important as to occupy your thoughts more than your relationship, consider breaking up, or fessing up to her and letting her make the decision. Perhaps she's into swinging and you may get a nice surprise. But if not, you will be free to pursue your interests and she will be free to look for commitment with someone else.

Mickey Dazzler

Like you I have many friends who also use the services of escorts. Some do it on the way home from work, some of the lad only do it when abroad on a "golf" holiday.

I don't do it myself and would like to think I never would but to be honest I can see why some of these lads do it.

Their relationships with their wives or long term partners are basically sexless. The women have little or no interest in sex. Allot of posters here would recommend that the man should break up with his wife and seek out a partner who would cater to his sexual needs. But what if there is 4 kids involved? And everything else in the relationship was going fine? In those circumstances I can understand their actions.

I don't think you fall into the above bracket so can't really understand why you would want to see a escort. Did you not mention that your sex life was fine?

username123

Mickey Dazzler wrote: »

Their relationships with their wives or long term partners are basically sexless. The women have little or no interest in sex. Allot of posters here would recommend that the man should break up with his wife and seek out a partner who would cater to his sexual needs. But what if there is 4 kids involved? And everything else in the relationship was going fine? In those circumstances I can understand their actions.

What?

How is staying in a long term sexless relationship or marriage and lying about paying a hooker for sex understandable by any stretch of the imagination?

Do you think these women who have little or no interest in sex would stay in the relationship if they knew their partner was off having sex with prostitutes?

Missy Moo Moo

Mickey Dazzler wrote: »

Like you I have many friends who also use the services of escorts. Some do it on the way home from work, some of the lad only do it when abroad on a "golf" holiday.

I don't do it myself and would like to think I never would but to be honest I can see why some of these lads do it.

Their relationships with their wives or long term partners are basically sexless. The women have little or no interest in sex. Allot of posters here would recommend that the man should break up with his wife and seek out a partner who would cater to his sexual needs. But what if there is 4 kids involved? And everything else in the relationship was going fine? In those circumstances I can understand their actions.

I don't think you fall into the above bracket so can't really understand why you would want to see a escort. Did you not mention that your sex life was fine?

Because if the relationship was sexless then it's not "fine"- the alternative would be, I dunno, maybe talk to their wives about the lack of sex. I find it reprehensible that someone who was a father could go off and cheat with prostitutes, regardless of the lack of sex in the marriage- imagine how your life would be ruined if you were a child that found out your dad was a sh*t.

Totally outrageous post.

Missy Moo Moo

Another thing Mickey Dazzler, the no sex thing is an age old excuse used by cheaters to justify cheating. It's the oldest trick in the cheaters handbook. It's like the married person having an affair and telling their lover "I never have sex with my wife/ husband/ they dont understand me" and lo and behold they're still having sex.

The OP does not need the slightest excuse or justification for cheating, he needs to be fully made aware that there is no excuse or justification.

Miss Fluff

confused28 wrote: »

The lads views is that they go on the way home from work on a Friday and then go on home to there wives who are oblivious to it all. There argument is that what the women don't know won't hurt them and the lads themselves feel sexually satisfied and in many cases keeps their own relationships alive.

So in their view it's a win win. They can stay happily in their sex less marriage and raise their kids together as a family. But now I'm starting to see their thinking.

Wow, just WOW. A win win? A pathetic and sad existence if you ask me. Love and romance in any long term committed relationship where little kids are involved takes time and effort. Rather than spending time on being phsyical with their own wives who have carried their children for them, they stick their dicks in the arse of a two-bit hooker (enough of the "escort" nonsense bud :rolleyes:) who may have had ten punters inside her already that day....how lovely. No wonder you're raring to go....

I've two bits of advice for you OP:

1. You might need to reassess the kind of company you keep. These mates of yours sound like scumbags

2. Break up with your girlfriend. You are in your 20s, you are clearly not ready for a committed relationship and you are evidently bored with your sex life/the prospect of being with only her. If you really loved her you wouldn't even think of going to a hooker and paying her for sex. Do the decent thing and then stick it in whomever you want whenever you want - you'll soon realise how "satisfying" that is...

nowyouresix

OP: Think with the BIG head here, NOT the SMALL head....

IrishEyes19

Sleeping with another person is cheating. Non stop, cheating! Paying for it, treating it as a service, devoid of emotion and feelings does not change the fact that it is cheating.

You need to grow up and decide whether you want to follow a pack of cheaters who all think they are "the man" because they can go sleep with prostitutes and go home to their oblivious wives or realise what you have now is amazing. But admiring their actions and saying you would be fine leading that life is pathetic and in that regard, you don't deserve your gf.

FouxDaFaFa

I think this has been covered well by the above posters but another thing to consider, OP:
If you went ahead with this, it would most likely come out in the future. Particularly since your "friends" are so loose-lipped about their experiences. Could you deal with humiliating the woman you claim to love?

You may think it's no big deal but it most certainly is in reality.

LegacyUser

Christ, what a load of angry, unreasonable responses.

OP, speaking as a married man, thing is if you want a "hot" woman all the time, then escorts are your way forward.

Committing to one woman will definitely mean the spark will go in that sense. It's only normal when you're looking at the same bod every night that the mystery will go.

If you're like me, you don't watch the same porn all the time, preferring to mix it up.

But, but, but....it's pretty unfair and difficult to carry on a duplicitous life like that, so maybe not such a good option.

Being married or committed is never gonna be as much fun as riding around, but it compensates in other, maybe better, ways. It's those ways you need to think about before committing to anyone, hot or not.

beks101

Another thing. Being married and fucking a prostitute after work and then heading home to your wife and three kids, and then bragging to your workmates about it, is NOT manly, heroic, macho, 'lads being lads' behaviour.

It's not funny, it doesn't make you some sort of lovable cheeky rogue, it's not justifiable and it is nowhere near normal. It doesn't earn you legend status and a pat on the back in the real world outside of this circle of horny morons you work with.

I get the sense from your post that hanging out with these dickish half-wits is normalising this behaviour to you, like having your cake and eating it is grand if you can get away with it and ethics, values and respecting the person you love are all irrelevant as long as you're fulfilling all your fetish fantasies. Sociopathic when you think about it.

Imagine your own father. Imagine if he banged the sh1t out of a brothel's worth of prostitutes over the course of years while married to your mother, then imagine him coming in the door from work every evening, sitting across from you at the dinner table asking you how your day was.

The fact that you've lost perspective on the monstrous betrayal this would represent of one of the most important people in your life, suggests to me it's only a matter of time before you follow your friends down the same path.

Elmer Blooker

username123 wrote: »

Then break up with her and sleep with different women.

She would be well rid of you and your friends, you lot sound like right crowd of misogynists. Objectifying women is not a healthy trait. Neither is paying for sex as a service. If youre not happy with your sex life then find someone who is willing to do the things you want to do. If your friends have sexless marriages then thats their problem.

I don't understand? I would have thought a sexless marriage is a problem for BOTH partners and not just the man?
Unless of course a wife is perfectly happy in a loveless/sexless marriage then you're absolutely right - it is "their" problem and a very major problem too!

dearg lady

Elmer Blooker wrote: »

I don't understand? I would have thought a sexless marriage is a problem for BOTH partners and not just the man?
Unless of course a wife is perfectly happy in a loveless/sexless marriage then you're absolutely right - it is "their" problem and a very major problem too!

'their' problem as in the couples problem, not the OP's problem. OP seems to be almost using his workmates excuses as justification for himself, when in fact, he is not in a sexless relationship.

IrishEyes19

Jgiles wrote: »

Christ, what a load of angry, unreasonable responses.

OP, speaking as a married man, thing is if you want a "hot" woman all the time, then escorts are your way forward.

Committing to one woman will definitely mean the spark will go in that sense. It's only normal when you're looking at the same bod every night that the mystery will go.

If you're like me, you don't watch the same porn all the time, preferring to mix it up.

But, but, but....it's pretty unfair and difficult to carry on a duplicitous life like that, so maybe not such a good option.

Being married or committed is never gonna be as much fun as riding around, but it compensates in other, maybe better, ways. It's those ways you need to think about before committing to anyone, hot or not.

Speak for yourself.

OP, if you actually regard this as advice, then I wouldn't bother staying in a relationship at all. your gf deserves better.

Leaving aside "the moral ground," there is nothing right about making a fool of your partner by sleeping with prostitutes and coming home playing house afterwards. The above post is untrue. A lot of marriages/commitments stand the test of time, it just depends on the effort you put into them. You reap what you sew so to speak.
What you want to do is cowardly, to maintain your "perfect" relationship at home whilst cheating. If you really want variety so bad, end the relationship civilly like a real man and dont be a coward about it

Dravokivich

The only difference between an escort and meaningless casual sex with women you don't know is that you are paying an escort. It's still meaningless casual sex. While you are within a relationship it's still cheating.

Abi

Jgiles wrote: »

Christ, what a load of angry, unreasonable responses.

Expecting a partner to be loyal is unreasonable now? I missed that memo.

OP, speaking as a married man, thing is if you want a "hot" woman all the time, then escorts are your way forward.

I feel sorry for your wife.

Committing to one woman will definitely mean the spark will go in that sense. It's only normal when you're looking at the same bod every night that the mystery will go.

If you're like me, you don't watch the same porn all the time, preferring to mix it up.

You're such a nice guy.

But, but, but....it's pretty unfair and difficult to carry on a duplicitous life like that, so maybe not such a good option.

Being married or committed is never gonna be as much fun as riding around, but it compensates in other, maybe better, ways. It's those ways you need to think about before committing to anyone, hot or not.

I've no words for you, utterly fowl attitude. People like you shouldn't be married, it's for people who are commiting themselves to the person they love. That entails loyalty, trust and respect, and you've displayed none of these with that disgusting post.

Do your wife a favour and tell her to run the hell away from you as fast as her legs can take her.

username123

Jgiles wrote: »

OP, speaking as a married man, thing is if you want a "hot" woman all the time, then escorts are your way forward.

Words fail me.

Jgiles wrote: »

Committing to one woman will definitely mean the spark will go in that sense. It's only normal when you're looking at the same bod every night that the mystery will go.

If you believe this then there is something wrong with you.

Jgiles wrote: »

If you're like me, you don't watch the same porn all the time, preferring to mix it up.

How is this relevant, you know that porn isnt the real world right?

Jgiles wrote: »

Being married or committed is never gonna be as much fun as riding around.........

Then why did you get married? Honestly? You sound like such a catch, the women must be queuing up for you, why didnt you stay riding around if its so much fun?

Dravokivich wrote: »

The only difference between an escort and meaningless casual sex with women you don't know is that you are paying an escort.

Wrong. The difference between an escort and a one night stand is that in the case of the one night stand its not a business transaction, the women is having sex because she wants to and not because she needs money, there is some measure of physical attraction (however beer goggled) on both sides and both parties are horny. With an escort she is taking money to let a man use her body, she pretends to fancy him and she is not horny and she probably feels disgust and shame at what she is doing and cant wait for it to be over. She pretends for the hour (or whatever), the one night stand is not pretence for cash.

Da Shins Kelly

Jgiles wrote: »

Christ, what a load of angry, unreasonable responses.

OP, speaking as a married man, thing is if you want a "hot" woman all the time, then escorts are your way forward.

Committing to one woman will definitely mean the spark will go in that sense. It's only normal when you're looking at the same bod every night that the mystery will go.

If you're like me, you don't watch the same porn all the time, preferring to mix it up.

But, but, but....it's pretty unfair and difficult to carry on a duplicitous life like that, so maybe not such a good option.

Being married or committed is never gonna be as much fun as riding around, but it compensates in other, maybe better, ways. It's those ways you need to think about before committing to anyone, hot or not.

I hope this is a troll.

aidan24326

sunflower27 wrote: »

I had an ex that was terrified of commitment. 47 now and thinks everyone envies his carefree existance. They don't, they love having a partner and family of their own. The word pity springs to mind.

That's unfair and quite condescending towards your ex. Maybe he IS happy being single and carefree? Imagine that! He's foolish to think everyone envies him (though one or two might), but each to their own in fairness.

Ickle Magoo

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

I hope this is a troll.

Pulling the thread off-topic throwing in on-thread accusations is not how to deal with a poster you do not think is genuine.

The protocols are stickied very clearly at the top of the forum: NOTE ON SUSPECT THREADS / TROLL POSTS.

Big Bag of Chips

Having never visited a prostitute myself I can't claim to be an expert BUT.. in reality I don't think they look like the pictures.

My husband who is from Dublin has often pointed out what he was told me are prostitutes on the streets waiting. Tracksuits, dirty denim jackets and greasy hair are what I see.

You are trying to glamorise this... from what I see, and hear on television reports and radio interviews etc, there is nothing glamorous about it.

There was actually a Primetime program about it not so long ago, where it was claimed the word "escort" is used to make it sound less seedy than it actually is. But when you go to meet your "escort" it is in a grubby flat, in a bed where she has done 10-15 men already that day, and they certainly do not look "hot". She is also usually been kept there against her will and being made to "work" up to 18 hour days.

If you want to have sex with hot girls who will do things your gf won't, break up with her and start hitting on girls in night clubs. You might get lucky!

Don't pay some poor misfortunate to grit her teeth and do something she gets no pleasure from at all... after all, you'd only be one in a line for her.

If you are hell bent on visiting an "escort", at least do it when you are single.

LegacyUser

You should not be surprised by the responses you received on this forum.

I am married and I use escorts. Not very often but every few months.

People always seem to be of the opinion that if you sleep with someone who is not your partner that you do not love them. This is wrong very very wrong.

I love my wife but we very rarely have sex. To be honest our sex life has never been great. The time spent with escorts are just to satisfy my sexual needs that are not being met at home. Its not my wife's fault, she had an illness and can now no longer really have sex. Well she can but its extremely uncomfortable for her so I don't insist on doing it very often. So what am I supposed to do? Never have sex again. My wife doesn't know and I wouldn't tell her.

I think you are only at the start of your relationship so should probably try to hold off for awhile. But if you find yourself with no other choice down the line I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Its not the worst thing you could ever do.

Good luck and be safe.

Big Bag of Chips

They DO have sex. According to him they have "a great sexlife". There's just some things his gf doesn't want to do, that he knows a prostitute will do for a fee.

So its not like he's not having sex....

Does that make it different?? I don't know?

Abi

Tony Smith wrote: »

You should not be surprised by the responses you received on this forum.

I am married and I use escorts. Not very often but every few months.

People always seem to be of the opinion that if you sleep with someone who is not your partner that you do not love them. This is wrong very very wrong.

I love my wife but we very rarely have sex. To be honest our sex life has never been great. The time spent with escorts are just to satisfy my sexual needs that are not being met at home. Its not my wife's fault, she had an illness and can now no longer really have sex. Well she can but its extremely uncomfortable for her so I don't insist on doing it very often. So what am I supposed to do? Never have sex again. My wife doesn't know and I wouldn't tell her.

I think you are only at the start of your relationship so should probably try to hold off for awhile. But if you find yourself with no other choice down the line I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Its not the worst thing you could ever do.

Good luck and be safe.

Did she agree with an open relationship? You're removing her choice to be with someone like you or not.

If you think there's nothing wrong with it and nobody gets hurt, tell her tonight.

beks101

Tony Smith wrote: »

People always seem to be of the opinion that if you sleep with someone who is not your partner that you do not love them. This is wrong very very wrong.

We get it. Men can have sex and it can just be about the release.

Women can do that too you know. But the definition of what love is, that tends to be universal. It involves honesty, loyalty and respect for your partner. Wanting to protect, rather than hurt them. That's what love is. Paying prostitutes for sex behind your partner's back doesn't tend to align itself with that definition.

Unless you've got a different definition. If that's the case, do you care to shed some light?

IrishEyes19

Tony Smith wrote: »

You should not be surprised by the responses you received on this forum.

I am married and I use escorts. Not very often but every few months.

People always seem to be of the opinion that if you sleep with someone who is not your partner that you do not love them. This is wrong very very wrong.

I love my wife but we very rarely have sex. To be honest our sex life has never been great. The time spent with escorts are just to satisfy my sexual needs that are not being met at home. Its not my wife's fault, she had an illness and can now no longer really have sex. Well she can but its extremely uncomfortable for her so I don't insist on doing it very often. So what am I supposed to do? Never have sex again. My wife doesn't know and I wouldn't tell her.

I think you are only at the start of your relationship so should probably try to hold off for awhile. But if you find yourself with no other choice down the line I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Its not the worst thing you could ever do.

Good luck and be safe.

Posts like this always make me laugh somewhat, where someone comes on accusing people of taking the moral high ground ect. what do you expect? for everyone to wish you well and tell you what a cassanova you are? of course its wrong while in a relationship, dont kid yourself otherwise, if you felt what you were doing was in any way right, you would have made your wife well aware of it,

Taltos

All lets get back on topic to the OP.

thanks,
Taltos