what to do?

LegacyUser

im going out with a lovely girl for 8 years. I'm not really sure where it started to go wrong, possibly after a sudden berevement in her family but the last few years things have not been the same.

she can be awful moody which i'd describe as bordering on anger issues. she's always been a bit fiesty but sometimes I can see real anger in deep within her.

she also has had an eating disorder. this isn't too bad anymore, she's not terribly skinny or anything but she just watches what she eats very closely. she does eat but just very healty stuff but previously a few years back she went through periods of eating not a whole lot.

anyway, i don't think we get on a well as we used to, possibly due to the issues above and this has resulted in me cheating on her briefly (one night).

I often think about breaking up with her but she's had such a rough time the last few years that I reckon if I did, she would be absolutely gutted. she has told me she would kill me if i ever break up with her. she doesn't mean it literally but she'd certainly do some crazy stuff. That I don't doubt!

On the other hand, I'm not completely convinced I want to break up with her. when things are going well, we get on great but there just seems to be more bad days than good the last 2 years or so.

the other thing is, if i actually wanted to break up with her, i'm so ****in' spineless that i don't think i could do it. I reckon the cheating may have been me trying to press the self distruct button nearly wanting to be caught (middle of local nightclub).

I'm seriously confused, I know on paper most will say I've cheated, do her a favour and break up with her but it's not that simple.

It's like i'm on a runaway train and can't get off, but am not even sure if i should get off.

She's stunningly beautiful, I've no idea why she's with me but she is. no other girls take interest in me so i always think I'll never meet anyone else if i did break up with her, which is sad but true. she's plagued by other men but is extremely loyal to me but as i said already she can be a total psycho at times too.

sorry for all my rambling. i've no idea what to do, i don't even deserve her to be honest

Lorna123

whatamare wrote: »

im going out with a lovely girl for 8 years. I'm not really sure where it started to go wrong, possibly after a sudden berevement in her family but the last few years things have not been the same.

she can be awful moody which i'd describe as bordering on anger issues. she's always been a bit fiesty but sometimes I can see real anger in deep within her.

she also has had an eating disorder. this isn't too bad anymore, she's not terribly skinny or anything but she just watches what she eats very closely. she does eat but just very healty stuff but previously a few years back she went through periods of eating not a whole lot.

anyway, i don't think we get on a well as we used to, possibly due to the issues above and this has resulted in me cheating on her briefly (one night).

I often think about breaking up with her but she's had such a rough time the last few years that I reckon if I did, she would be absolutely gutted. she has told me she would kill me if i ever break up with her. she doesn't mean it literally but she'd certainly do some crazy stuff. That I don't doubt!

On the other hand, I'm not completely convinced I want to break up with her. when things are going well, we get on great but there just seems to be more bad days than good the last 2 years or so.

the other thing is, if i actually wanted to break up with her, i'm so ****in' spineless that i don't think i could do it. I reckon the cheating may have been me trying to press the self distruct button nearly wanting to be caught (middle of local nightclub).

I'm seriously confused, I know on paper most will say I've cheated, do her a favour and break up with her but it's not that simple.

It's like i'm on a runaway train and can't get off, but am not even sure if i should get off.

She's stunningly beautiful, I've no idea why she's with me but she is. no other girls take interest in me so i always think I'll never meet anyone else if i did break up with her, which is sad but true. she's plagued by other men but is extremely loyal to me but as i said already she can be a total psycho at times too.

sorry for all my rambling. i've no idea what to do, i don't even deserve her to be honest

I can't really tell you what to do but if you are so unsure about all of this then maybe give the relationship a break for a month or two and see can you see things more clearly then. It doesn't matter whether she is good looking or not, looks fade with time, what really matters is how well you get on with her and if you think that you are not well matched then now is the time to find out for sure, not after you get married.

Daisy M

You seriously need to take a break from this relationship and sort out your feelings. Its not fair on your gf to be in a relationship with someone who has cheated on her and who isnt even sure if they want to be with her, she deserves better. Its not on that you are afraid to end it with her she cant bully you into staying with her if its not what you want. You only get one life and what a waste it would be to spend it with someone who doesnt make you happy.

cynder

Talk to her, tell her how you feel. Tell her what you did at the nightclub.

Take it from there.

Funny thing is your post doesn't say if you love her or not? is this what your confused about? that you dont know if you love her or not? Talking to her, telling her whats going on and how you feel, is the only option.

good luck

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies.

The confusing part is weather her bad moods has me not interested currently and this will pass or do I just not want to be with her anymore.

she sometimes realizes that that she's being an absolute wagon and tries to be all nice and send me loads of texts when she's at work etc but I could meet her later and she'd be borderline aggressive with what ever bad mood has overcome her.

she's seriously stressed out all the time these days and i often wonder of she's depressed/anxious given the history with eating disorders etc

I'm thinking the right thing is to talk to her and give it a break but I'm frozen with fear of this confrontation. I honestly don't know how to approach it, what to say, how to say it or anything. It'll be very messy. I find it hard to explain to myself why i feel this way so trying to explain it to her will result in me not giving a clear explanation of how I really feel and making an absolute mess of things

also, despite the fact she is very beautiful I think she's taken a bit of a nose dive in terms of looking after her appearance. she used not leave the house without looking amazing but now sometimes I look at her and she looks like she's rolled out of bed and not bothered to brush her hair or anything. again, this is very strange for her and makes me think she doesn't put a high value on herself currently and may be in a very bad place emotionally

thanks