Dad won't keep nephew out of my room!

LegacyUser

I need some help getting my dad to understand that my nephew SHOULD NOT be in my room. I may sound bad, but I have my reason.
You see I collect some toys from a TV series I used to watch as a child. I say 'toys', but the truth is they're not for playing with; a lot of them are collector's items at this stage and are worth a good bit of money.
Naturally, when my 2y/o nephew is let into the room, all he sees are toys that he wants, and my dad lets him have them! I've told him a million times NOT to let him at them, but my dad just says 'He walked into the room and saw toys on the shelves, what was I supposed to do?' Don't let him into my room then!
It's completely disrespectful IMO; I'm really fond of these items and don't want them ruined. Not to mention they'd cost a good bit to replace (if I managed to find them again). I tried locking my room but couldn't find the right key. Now I'm seriously considering putting a new lock on the door. It'd all be so much easier if my dad would just LISTEN to me. Is there anything I can do without resorting to extreme measures?

Pandora2

New lock on the door is your only man....if it's a Basta Lock, most internal locks are, you may only have to change the barrel.......any hardware will advise. It's a job of 5 min...no real drama;) I've done it and I am useless at that kind of stuff:o

Grandparents are virtually incapable of saying No to the Ankle Biters;)

gud4u

Even if you can't get a lock change, just put a small bolt up higher than the ankle biters:) can reach. Your privacy should be respected if it is your room.

Pandora2

gud4u wrote: »

Even if you can't get a lock change, just put a small bolt up higher than the ankle biters:) can reach. Your privacy should be respected if it is your room.

Good......but only if Grandad can ignore the pleadings of the ankle biter...He could end up as Height for Hire!!!;)

matrim

You can pick up a replacement lock for about €5 and it should only take a minute to change it, so that's you best bet.

If that's not an options then put the "toys" away in a press where the kid can't see them. If he can't see them he hopefully won't want them.

ash23

Depends on your age if I'm honest. If you're older and contributing towards the rent then yes, put a lock on your door to keep out the toddler.
If you're younger and at school then no, I don't think you have the right to start locking our bedroom door because essentially it is your parents house and you'd need permission to do something like that.

If the scenario is the latter, then just put the stuff away, out of view of the toddler or get a press you can lock (like a display cabinet)

seamus

As said, your only two options are to lock your bedroom door, or to pack the stuff up where he can't touch it.

If the stuff is collector's items and you're trying to preserve it, it's arguably better to keep it stored somewhere dark and dry than to have it displayed.

Rosy Posy

How delicate are the toys in question? Would it hurt to let the child play with a few of the less precious pieces? I know they seem important to you to keep them in pristine condition now but really toys are for children to play with are they not? It just seems like a bit of a waste to leave them on a shelf. I can see where your Dad is coming from. If you really can't bear for them to be played with then put them out of sight and have a word with your Dad explaining how important they are to you and perhaps dig out some old toys that are not valuable to you so that the child has something to do when he comes over.

Rosy Posy

ictorsec wrote: »

I need some help getting my dad to understand that my nephew SHOULD NOT be in my room.

my dad just says 'He walked into the room and saw toys on the shelves, what was I supposed to do?'

As far as getting through to your dad goes- I have this problem with my parents and my own children- they are doting grandparents and can't bring themselves to set boundaries for the kids...thus making the rod for their backs. Depending on your age and stage and how respectful this would be, you could point out to your Dad that much as he wants to be the fun granda, if he doesn't start laying down the law at least in his own house then there's going to be hell to pay in the near future. If your nephew's two it won't be long before he starts turning into a tiny dictator if he senses he can wrap your Dad around his little finger.

dilallio

There's no need to replace the actual lock.
Just take the existing lock out of the door and bring it into a hardware shop and they will find a key to match.

The easier option is to buy a shelf which you can screw high up onto a wall in your room where the 2 year old can't reach. Just get a few cheap toys which you can leave low down - these will keep the 2 year old happy.

LegacyUser

Rosy Posy wrote: »

How delicate are the toys in question? Would it hurt to let the child play with a few of the less precious pieces? I know they seem important to you to keep them in pristine condition now but really toys are for children to play with are they not? It just seems like a bit of a waste to leave them on a shelf. I can see where your Dad is coming from. If you really can't bear for them to be played with then put them out of sight and have a word with your Dad explaining how important they are to you and perhaps dig out some old toys that are not valuable to you so that the child has something to do when he comes over.

If they are the kind of collectable toys I'm thinking they are then they aren't suitable for a 2 year old child regardless of "toys being for kids to play with". Most collectable toys relating to movies, animation or comics would have small easy to choke on parts so no way should a 2 year old be allowed to play with them.

At the end of the day OP it's your parents house so they can do what they like, best advice is to pack them away and out of sight for now.

kylith

I'd say that your first step might be to check ebay and see how much your collection would sell for, then you can tell your dad "This collection is worth X amount. Do you understand why I don't want a small child to play with them?" If that doesn't stop him tell him that you feel that you must start locking your door, and then get a bolt and padlock.

Neyite

kylith wrote: »

I'd say that your first step might be to check ebay and see how much your collection would sell for, then you can tell your dad "This collection is worth X amount. Do you understand why I don't want a small child to play with them?" If that doesn't stop him tell him that you feel that you must start locking your door, and then get a bolt and padlock.

And throw in your concern for the child potentially choking on small parts. There's a very good reason toys are graded at age appropriate levels.

If you change the lock you can put a little nail high up on the door frame to hang the key on so that the little one cant take the key (which they will given have the chance), but that the door could be opened by your family if needed. If you cant change the lock then a simple slide bolt high up so you and other adults could reach but junior cant is the solution

Killed By Death

Hey OP, No offence but I'd say your Dad has more to be doing than policing your Star Wars toys or whatever they are! It's not his responsibility, it's yours!

Either organise a lock yourself or find somewhere safer to store them.

Nuttzz

Do you have a value for some of the toys?

If so take one, go to your father and say "This costs €200 to replace, so if little johnny breaks this then you are going to have to fork out €200"

Your father just thinks they are toys to be played with and has no idea of the value of replacing them, once he understands that he should be more reasonable.

blatantrereg

New lock definitely. Even if you aren't paying rent, just get one. It is important to have your own space respected.

Monetary value is irrelevant. It's your stuff in your room.

Android 666

OP, I think you should get a girlfriend. The thoughts of being embarrassed in front of her by having your childhood toys on display way past what would generally be considered an acceptable age might be the impetus you need to store them away and keep them out of the hands of your nephew.

Besides that, I'd be of the view that if you're a teenager and you're not paying any contribution towards the house I don't think you have the right to start changing locks on your bedroom but if you're in your twenties or older and paying rent, knock yourself out!

Try explaining the true monetary value of those pieces of plastic and maybe then your dad might understand why they need to be left alone.

blatantrereg

Android 666 wrote: »

OP, I think you should get a girlfriend. The thoughts of being embarrassed in front of her by having your childhood toys on display way past what would generally be considered an acceptable age might be the impetus you need to store them away and keep them out of the hands of your nephew.

Besides that, I'd be of the view that if you're a teenager and you're not paying any contribution towards the house I don't think you have the right to start changing locks on your bedroom but if you're in your twenties or older and paying rent, knock yourself out!

Try explaining the true monetary value of those pieces of plastic and maybe then your dad might understand why they need to be left alone.

Being overly concerned by what other people think is more likely to be offputting tbh.

LegacyUser

blatantrereg wrote: »

It's your stuff in your room.

In his parents house.

Their house, their rules. OP can move out if they are old enough or else pack their stuff away. Frankly in order for the toys to hold any real value they need to be mint in the box ie unopened which it doesn't sound like they are if a child can play with them.

Regardless they are a health risk for such a young child so pack them away and out of reach and explain to your dad they are not suitable for a child of that age.

solovely

By the tone of your email and use of capitals, you sound like you have some anger issues maybe? Have you tried to sit down and calmly chat to your Dad about this rather than get angry?

you haven't replied to anyone's suggestions of help yet, so I won't reiterate any of those, suffice to say that what you do depends on your age and financial situation. If you are not paying any rent, then what your Dad does in his house is his business. Lock away your toys and put something out that you're happy for the kid to play with.

If you are contributing financially, put a lock up like other people have suggested.

Have you tried playing with the 2 year old yourself? Enjoying his company? Showing him what toys are acceptable to play with and how to appreciate stuff? You never know, being in the company of a two year old (who enjoys actually playing with toys, rather than looking at them!!) might help you lighten up and see what's more important in the world!

Android 666

blatantrereg wrote: »

Being overly concerned by what other people think is more likely to be offputting tbh.

Yeah, you're right. A guy that has a huge collection of toys in his bedroom is sure to be a hit with the ladies...

blatantrereg

Android 666 wrote: »

Yeah, you're right. A guy that has a huge collection of toys in his bedroom is sure to be a hit with the ladies...

He likes what he likes, and he's not embarrassed to like it. More power to him tbh. You're advocating being spineless. How does that go for you?

Anyway the OP might be female, we're being presumptuous.

Android 666

blatantrereg wrote: »

He likes what he likes, and he's not embarrassed to like it. More power to him tbh. You're advocating being spineless. How does that go for you?

Anyway the OP might be female, we're being presumptuous.

Not encouraging him to be spineless, more gently telling him to cast aside childish things as Rudyard Kipling might say.

I have never lived a spineless life and never will. That seems awfully presumptuous of you considering your next statement. But hey, I'm not going to get insulted by you trying to get in a dig at me.

I recently lost a lot of personal property (that admittedly was only precious to me) through my own stupidity. In the past I would have been raging about it but having been through a lot personally over the last few years and seeing things that my friends and have had to go through in their lives, I realised that these things didn't matter, my family and the people around me do. So maybe I'm not giving the problem the appropriate gravitas that it deserves but there you go.

And you're right we are being presumptuous but how many girls do you know that collect and preserve toys beyond puberty?

blatantrereg

Android 666 wrote: »

Not encouraging him to be spineless, more gently telling him to cast aside childish things as Rudyard Kipling might say.

I have never lived a spineless life and never will. That seems awfully presumptuous of you considering your next statement. But hey, I'm not going to get insulted by you trying to get in a dig at me.

I recently lost a lot of personal property (that admittedly was only precious to me) through my own stupidity. In the past I would have been raging about it but having been through a lot personally over the last few years and seeing things that my friends and have had to go through in their lives, I realised that these things didn't matter, my family and the people around me do. So maybe I'm not giving the problem the appropriate gravitas that it deserves but there you go.

And you're right we are being presumptuous but how many girls do you know that collect and preserve toys beyond puberty?

I refrained from "trying to get a dig at you" tbh. The only purpose of your posts seems to have been to try to belittle the OP. I dont like that and I dont see any grounds for it either. My replies were motivated by a desire to nullify that.

Trying to belittle people on the internet is a childish thing. Collecting nice things is not.

I agree with you that relationships are more important than material things. However I think that boundaries and respect are important in any relationship. Personally I take great issue with people entering my personal space uninvited. I'd take great issue with people interfering with my personal possessions without permission too. That's because of principles, not because of a materialistic attitude.

I know the same number of girls as I do guys who collect figurines in adulthood, which is one: A [very hot] ex gf of mine who was 26. She's independent and has a very successful career in something she loves doing, and is difficult to break into. The guy I know who likes figurines was in a LTR most of the time I've known him too. Both of them keep their living space very nicely. Both of them aren't too bothered about getting approval from the world at large. So these are the traits that are suggested to me, when I hear of someone likes figurines.

Anyway I'll leave off replying to you further, as I am happy that I made my point, and this is just dragging the thread off-topic.

Android 666

blatantrereg wrote: »

I refrained from "trying to get a dig at you" tbh. The only purpose of your posts seems to have been to try to belittle the OP. I dont like that and I dont see any grounds for it either. My replies were motivated by a desire to nullify that.

So calling me spineless is not a dig? Fair enough…

blatantrereg wrote: »

I agree with you that relationships are more important than material things. However I think that boundaries and respect are important in any relationship. Personally I take great issue with people entering my personal space uninvited. I'd take great issue with people interfering with my personal possessions without permission too. That's because of principles, not because of a materialistic attitude.

But lets say if we're talking about a teenager here (I know, I know, I'm being presumptuous) who most likely has his\her meals cooked for them, their washing done etc., do they have the right to lock their door when they are not there? Personally as a parent, I'd be affronted by the action. I'd respect my child's privacy but that would point to a complete breakdown of trust and could sour family relationships. Of course the father is in the wrong here but I think the OP needs to calmly tell them why he doesn't want to let the nephew play with the toys, pointing out the value of them would be a good way of doing this. If the dad continued letting the nephew in, packing them away for the time being would really be the best course of action. Once the child is 4 or 5, you'll be able to explain to them yourself why they shouldn't play with them

If they are an adult living at home contributing to the running of the house, I'd tell the parents I was getting a lock and the reasons why - I'm sure this would be enough to get across their point.

blatantrereg wrote: »

I know the same number of girls as I do guys who collect figurines in adulthood, which is one: A [very hot] ex gf of mine who was 26. She's independent and has a very successful career in something she loves doing, and is difficult to break into. The guy I know who likes figurines was in a LTR most of the time I've known him too. Both of them keep their living space very nicely. Both of them aren't too bothered about getting approval from the world at large. So these are the traits that are suggested to me, when I hear of someone likes figurines.

But seriously, they're kidults aren't they?

Morag

Lots of people have collectables, be they statues or figurines or action figures.
They are not toys, unfortunately there are is a % of people who don't get that they are not toys and some even look down with disdain on those who collect them.

I would suggest you get a lock on the door and maybe take a trip to smiths and by some lego or action figures for the child to have and play with in the house.

Pandora2

When I left a job once, Swarovski Crystal Animals were the 'New' thing and I got 10, together with a revolving, mirrored stand...they were kind of the Pandora Charm of the day and they were so pretty. Thereafter I got them every birthday and Christmas as people saw them in my home.

I treasured those things. Sadly I was burgled and they were one of the items taken...all of it, never recommenced the collection but I felt the loss of them for a long-time:(

I know loads of people who are into collectables and cannot see what that says about the personality, anymore than playing football, being glued to computer games or any activity that one engages in that they enjoy once it is legal!!

I have 2 kids, youngest 16, the other well into adulthood and if such a scenario occurred I would have no problem with her turning the key in her door. I don't 'hang out' in her room and I don't sneak in when she's not around either!! And, if I feel there is something going on that I'm concerned about, I will ask for the key and I'll get it;)....although, can't see that scenario arising. I expect my teenager to have a level of maturity and in return I afford her a level of privacy!! 2 years from now she may well be heading into college and a flatshare or halls (if all goes to plan!!) I'd really like her to have a strong sense of personal responsibility at that stage!!

hardCopy

OP, is it possible that your father just doesn't like you collecting toys? He may think it odd and is letting the little one at them to push you to get rid of them. Either way he doesn't seem interested in keeping the kid away from them so you'll need to physically keep them away with a door lock or a display cabinet or just hide them.

Maybe give the kid some cheap similar looking toys to play with or leave them on the bottom shelf for him.

Killed By Death

Wow, there is nothing wrong with having collections, be they toys, comics or whatever. I say that as an adult woman. Life would be pretty boring if everyone had the same interests and hobbies. Just because you become an adult doesn't mean you can't appreciate collectable toys.

tinkerbell

OP, it doesn't matter how young or old you are - if you say you don't want people touching your stuff, then that should be the end of it. Your father is being ridiculous. Either you tell your father that you will get a lock on the door because you are fed up of the 2 year old playing with your stuff, or else you tell your father not to allow him in your room again.

And to those who think collecting the toys is sad and something to be embarrassed about, get over it - some people like to collect stuff, there is nothing wrong with that and nothing to be ashamed about, it is a hobby.

LegacyUser

OP here
I've spoken with my mother about it and she agrees I should change the lock. I'm giving them half my wages to stay here (it's close to uni), so I shouldn't have to tolerate my property being violated. I've tried to talk to my dad about it, but as one poster suggested, he's not in love with the fact that I collect 'toys', so he doesn't see the need to be careful of them.
For those of you saying I get rid of the toys/let the kid play with them: they're my property. I shelled out a good deal of money for them and they're important to me. I've let him play with plenty of my old toys, just not these ones.
For those of you saying I need a girlfriend: I have one, thanks, one that likes my collectables. Jealous? Maybe you guys need to stop making assumptions about people you don't know.

sexymama

OP, I am a mother of three,aged 14,17 and 20.
I have NEVER EVER let anybody else into the kids rooms without their permission,even when they were small.We had a playroom downstairs.Your father should respect your wishes (especially if you are paying rent!!).It may be your parents house but it is your personal space.You are entitled to have your property and things respected.Just a mother's opinion:)
As other posters said get a new lock and carry the key on you!

Good Luck

SM

Susannahmia

Just get a new lock. They're easy to put in.