Not enough sex

LegacyUser

My girlfriend and I are both in college and both live at home with our parents. Now this in itself causes difficulty in just being able to get the privacy,to be intimate with each other.

Also I have a high sex drive, and she quite the opposite. To top all of this off she has endometriosis meaning that when we do get the opportunity she may not be able to due to the pain (obviously nothing can be done about this, she was diagnosed with it recently after many misdiagnosis's so hopefully it will get better)

Now I know it is only sex but it is really causing problems and well driving me mad. I fell like I'm being rejected as a person anytime she says no (when its a matter of her being in pain - i can completely accept that), it seems to be the root of all our problems, it is makking me very insecure.

Does anybody have any ideas on how we can improve this? We have talked about it, we just can't find a solution, to getting enough privacy. We do go to a hotel every now and then, but we can't constantly afford that.

Paddy Bateman

ikk wrote: »

My girlfriend and I are both in college and both live at home with our parents. Now this in itself causes difficulty in just being able to get the privacy,to be intimate with each other.

Also I have a high sex drive, and she quite the opposite. To top all of this off she has endometriosis meaning that when we do get the opportunity she may not be able to due to the pain (obviously nothing can be done about this, she was diagnosed with it recently after many misdiagnosis's so hopefully it will get better)

Now I know it is only sex but it is really causing problems and well driving me mad. I fell like I'm being rejected as a person anytime she says no (when its a matter of her being in pain - i can completely accept that), it seems to be the root of all our problems, it is makking me very insecure.

Does anybody have any ideas on how we can improve this? We have talked about it, we just can't find a solution, to getting enough privacy. We do go to a hotel every now and then, but we can't constantly afford that.

Have you tried masturbation to get your sexual needs back in sync ?

jarvis

Endometriosis would only cause pain immediately before and during her period so shouldn't be a constant cause of pain. My wife had severe endo and had a few procedures to help clear it. But then only thing that completely cleared it was having a baby. The longer endo goes on the more difficult it makes it to achieve a pregnancy which is ironic as that is the only thing that's likely to clear it up and I'm presuming that's not even on the cards for you right now. I hope she copes ok with the endo, my wife had some good months but as I said there's only 1 real cure. Hope ye work it out

LovelyLottie

I think if you speak (gently and sensitively) to her again and tell her how you really feel, that would be a step in the right direction.

I think women don't always realise that when we are not up for sex it can actually make a man feel rejected. I know men don't always feel rejected, but if it happens over a prolonged period of time, i can imagine how you might be feeling. Sex is a hugely important part of an adult relationship - not only for men.

Talk to her (outside of the bedroom), express your care/concern for her and her illness, say you don't want to pile on any pressure or anything like that, but that you need to tell her how you're feeling. If you want the relationship to go the distance, then talk to her. Good luck

ihsb

I know you said that you had looked at hotel rooms, but there are great deals to be had! Once a month (try for the times when her condition isn't so bad) try to go to a hotel and have some time out.

I know sex would be amazing for you but do not make that the purpose of the night. Go, give each other massages, take a bath together, cuddle while watching a DVD, bring bit of food with you (to save money) and have a picnic in bed. And if the budget can stretch get breakfast in bed the next morning.

The aim would be to spend time, just the two of you in your own space (without parents) to connect and just be a couple.

lace

+1 to everything said in the post above. If ye can at all, try to get some time away alone together each month.

If ye have been going away frequently, though, I'm sure yet parents know the two of you are sleeping together. Ye're both in college, in a stable relationship and seem mature enough to be sensible about the whole thing - would it be totally out of the question to talk to either/both sets of parents and arrange a night that ye can stay together? Both of you are adults, there's no shame in having a sex life - it's an important part of any healthy relationship. Most parents are more understanding than you would think about this kind of thing. Obviously, though, if both of you share rooms this would be out of the question.

If you two get more opportunities to sleep together (just in the same bed - sex or no sex) ye'll be able to get more used to spending quality time together that doesn't have to involve intercourse (whether that be kissing, cuddling, "fooling around" or more full-on foreplay). It would also give you more of a chance to get used to each other's sex drives.

I know it's frustrating but you need to get used to not being able to have sex every time you want it and learn not to take it personally. Talk through this issue with your girlfriend and try to find ways that the two of you can be close or intimate without full on sex. Try to be as supportive and understanding as you can when she's experiencing discomfort but do let her know how important sex is to you. Differences in libido can be difficult to handle, so try your best to find out what gets her in the mood and experiment as much as you can.

Just try to be as honest as possible with each other. Keep lines of communication completely open and avoid discussing sex issues in bed or at a time when you've just felt rejected.