Long term relationships

Kimia

Ladies, what kinds of things do you do to keep your long term relationships alive and healthy? My bf and I are together 9 years and lately things have been a bit stale if I'm honest.

I know I've seen posts from happy loungers in long term relationships, so what's your secret? Besides the cliches of lingerie and weekends away (lol - I've one planned for 4 weeks time so way ahead of you :P)

krudler

date night. sounds cliche but it works, instead of sitting on the couch doing nothing go for a drink together or do something, anything, I even found taking a long drive and just talking did a lot of good if there was a slump, it happens where you become too comfortable and take each others company for granted, so do something spontaneous and get that initial spark back. to me time apart is as important as time together, so seperate nights out with friends is good too.

livinsane

I find that the most satisfying nights/evenings are ones where you do something physical e.g. long walk or swim and go for a quiet drink after.

Get a hobby together. We play darts in the kitchen. Can go one for hours, bit competitive and good fun.

Dont be afraid to do your own thing. Some nights I get restless, and instead of staying in front of the telly and stewing in boredom if he is happy there, I might go upstairs and play a bit of guitar.

carolinespring

12 years togther and 8 years married and have to say we both feel more in love and fancy each other more that ever.

Spending Q time together. Simple things like cinema and a coffee after, meals out or cooking together. Go for a mid week drink or even a coffee. As another poster said date nights. going for a coffee on a weekend morning and chilling with the papers but reading out bits that you know the other will find interesting.

Also take a interest in each others work. I have friend who really dont have a clue what the OH really does!!

Also being totally honest with each other. I am messy and he is a neat freak, used to drive each other crazy so now common areas are kept clutter free and my side of our room is as messy I want!!! Talk about everything, be open about what you do and do not want. Also sort out who is going to do what in the house, saves a lot of stress!!!

Also make time for sex. keep it fresh and fun. Still very important and keep you close. Try and get away for the odd weekend and plan holidays together.

baby and crumble

Spend time apart. Honestly. If you become one of those couples who do everything together, it's bad. If you're happy and content in your own company you'll be happy together. Make sure you each get time with your own friends doing something you enjoy.

Learn to understand that the other person isn't you, and never will be. You fell for them because they were different and exciting, why would you want to change that? And don't expect the other person to just know why you're doing what you're doing- you're annoyed they never text you during the day? Maybe that daily youtube video on facebook is their way of doing that...

If you have something you love and the other person doesn't 'get it' at all, don't worry. Keep doing it, and you never know, they might get into it, and enjoy it. When myself and my GF started going out 8 years ago (:eek:) i was big into my gaming, she hated it. By finding a way to involve her, we can both have fun and I get to share something I'm passionate about with her. Guitar Hero FTW! Same happened with me a dance shows, I HATED them and now I'm addicted!

Dates are crucial. Doesn't have to be much, just a coffee or a drink, or a cinema trip out. Every now and again plan a surprise, like a picnic on a Saturday or Sunday, or a trip to the zoo. Be kids together- just because you're grown up doesn't mean you can't go a bit mad, it just means you get to chose what's in the picnic basket!

Kiss. A lot. Properly. And improperly.

neuro-praxis

Lots of lovely advice here. Mine is: Close the laptops! Turn off the tv! Turn off the smartphones!

Seriously. Taking a media break really turns your focus back to each other.

Surprise each other with unexpected and "for no reason" little treats, gifts, poems or a massage at the end of a hard week. Hold hands again while you're out if you've forgotten to for a while. Rediscover the joys of making out like teenagers.

Do something new together - hike a mountain, or read a book and discuss it, or attend a one-day workshop on an interesting subject.

14 years together here and happier than ever. :pac:

Contessa Raven

After almost 5 years with my boyfriend these are my contributions:

- Spend time apart. With friends, alone, doesn't matter. Find time where you can be "me" instead of "us". (It's important for sanity.)

- Don't let the sex slide. Sometimes life gets in the way but it's important and needs attention like any other part of a relationship.

- Laugh together. I love nothing more than being silly with my man. There are days when we just giggle like teenagers. It's so fun!

- Take an interest in each others hobbies. I love reading and gaming. My boyfriend isn't big on either but he'll listen with interest when I tell him about a great new game I've discovered or a book that I've already read several times.

- If there's a problem, talk it out. If you're happy, share the joy. Talk, talk, talk! Good communication is paramount for a relationship to survive.

Nana Wan

not so lucky as you guys.

CathyMoran

We are very busy with our two young children but we do talk and laugh a lot and are considerate to one another's needs and do little suprise things for one another - married over 5 years and had been dating for a lot longer than that.

Neyite

Spontaneous hugs and kisses. I'd be making dinner and he will kiss my neck and cop a feel, or hug me and give me a quick snog I do the same if he is puttering around the kitchen.
Even if you are not having sex as often as you should be due to busy lives, the intimacy and affection are still there - thats the foundation of relationships.

Surprise him in the shower, have tickle fights, tuck a love post-it into his wallet/lunchbox/jacket pocket. Random text once in a while that is'nt about picking up milk on the way home - as sexy or as affectionate as you like.

Date nights - where you spend a while getting ready like you did in the beginning to look your best for him (and vice versa)

Go for walks holding hands. though these might be taking things too far: http://www.smittens.biz/ :pac:

Ickle Magoo

Some cracking advice already given Kimia...

We still absolutely fancy the pants off each other and have a great laugh together - and those are the two constants that haven't changed in the 12+yrs we've lived together...so I think, for us anyway, it's keeping the foundations solid that's been the most important thing in making sure we don't fall out of good habits/into bad habits or get complacent.

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder - spending quality time apart, it not only means we appreciate the time we spend together it also gives us stuff to chat about and ensures we retain a sense of self.

Making time for each other - just because we are together a while doesn't mean the little stuff that contributed towards this being a relationship worth pursuing should go out the window. We both really enjoy doing little things to help out the other and just get a kick out of making each other smile.

Being open & honest - I appreciate not everyone like discussing the minutia of their relationships but for us, I think making sure the tiny little issues never got/get a chance to fester and develop into big problems means getting resentful, antsy and fed up just hasn't been an issue thus far.

*kinda related to above* Making sure our relationship is a safe space - not only in terms of either being able to take time-out to sort out personal issues or to discuss issues without there being negative repercussions...but also being able to bring up and discuss all hopes, fears, frustrations, fantasies, etc, all without judgement or fall-out.

And the rest has just kind of taken care of itself...

All the best you! :cool:

Nolimits12

Teach each other new things- I love horse riding and anything to do with horses, decided I was gonna teach the OH to ride and even learn about horses. He loves it! Really opened him up to understanding my world as I'm so involved with horses. He is really involved with kayaking and thought me how to do it, he also had the misfortune to teach me to drive.

Its a wonderful experience sharing your knowledge with each other.

Its probably a good idea to have patience though otherwise this may not be such good advice. Don't want it ending in arguments.

any tips on how to fend off the murderous tendencies?

Julybride

Being apart...It sounds contradictory but actually it is not. By apart, I do mean being miles away but it is important that you still have your own space. I, for example, am a morning person ad I love getting up early to have my time, I ll have my coffee, watch a bit of tv, read a paper/magazine that is laying around etc...Our lives are just so busy at the moment but once we get home in the evening and it is just the two of us: we really want to be with each other. We still hold hands when sitting on the sofa together (which I love) .
As far as actual thing to keep the passion alive: I might book a room in a hotel for the night and tell him at short notice to meet me there afterwork. Things that break the routine are the best in keeping the "passion" alive!

cynder

Been with my fella for 14 years (im 31 and he is 32 so still young) what works for one couple might not work with another. The stess of bills and children can drive you apart rather than pull you together.

Be spontaneous, im a stay at home mom so when the kids are at school and hubby comes home from work i can give him a surprise, much better during the day more energy and the kids wont be shouting whats that noise.... Mortified when my sister inlaw called over and my then 10 year old said the headboard was banging all night....

We still play fight and tease eachother and act like kids... joke, laugh and have our own space.

I do meet him in town sometimes on his lunch break, sweet little things make a big difference.

Das Kitty

baby and crumble wrote: »

Kiss. A lot. Properly. And improperly.

I am going to take this and use it for my own evil purposes.