Wasting my 20's

Raspberries

Hi everyone.

I'm feeling quite down at the moment because I feel like I'm wasting my 20's. I didn't make any friends during my under-grad. I didn't drink at the time, and I had a long term boyfriend so I didn't see any point in going out. My course was huge and I didn't get to know anyone because no two people were in the same class as me. So despite having a bf during college I still felt quite lonely.

When I finished college I realised I had wasted that time when I could have been having the craic and discovering myself. I deeply regret not getting involved more in college.

So here I am sitting in on a Saturday night, by myself. No invitations to go out, not even for a dvd night. I have a few friends from school but they have their own friends from college, boyfriends etc. and don't really want a hanger-on. Ditto with friends from a part-time job I used to have.

I feel like I should be going out and having the craic but at the same time I don't know that many people at all, never mind friends that I can just call and ask to hang out.

I feel like I have missed such a big part of Irish youth culture, the 'friends for life from college' thing.

I do realise that other people have infinitely more serious problems than this, but I would appreciate any input that people may have.

LegacyUser

This 'friends for life from college' idea is just that, an idea - and a very limiting one. I'm glad it doesn't reside in my mind. I met many new people since I finished university, and I know there are many more new friends that I have yet to meet.

Graduation from third level education was not an end, but another beginning. So too can it be for you, if you would only see it that way rather than framing your life with limiting ideas. There is an abundance of interesting people on this planet, and there is no mystical force preventing you from meeting them now that you have left an educational institution. Only your mind can do that.


Drop this limiting belief and look at your life as it is today. Stop thinking about the fading friendships of yesteryear, and let them go if you feel their time has passed. Understand that if you don't respect yourself and independently find a way to meet new people instead of relying on stale connections, no new connections can be made.

Don't passively wait for fate to knock on your door. Don't passively wait for invitations instead of making and acting upon choices yourself, even if those choices bring you into unfamiliar company.


Stop moping. Stop wasting your time looking 'back'. Often, those who do this find that that by the time they learn the error of their ways, many years have passed in that fashion.

Perhaps this will be your path, but I'd rather it not be, and the choice, as always, is yours.


Stop, completely stop, looking at problems and what is beyond your control (travelling through time, for one thing), and start looking at what you can do to improve life now.


Or simply choose to continue doing as you are doing... but do not be surprised if the results remain the same.

Casillas

Whats to stop you going out by yourself and meeting people? How about joining a gym/ club etc. I think maybe low confidence could be a problem for you. Plenty of people lose touch with college friends but make new ones through their day/ night life. It may sound harsh but are you really making an effort to get out there and meet people?

Paddy Bateman

Raspberries wrote: »

Hi everyone.

I'm feeling quite down at the moment because I feel like I'm wasting my 20's. I didn't make any friends during my under-grad. I didn't drink at the time, and I had a long term boyfriend so I didn't see any point in going out. My course was huge and I didn't get to know anyone because no two people were in the same class as me. So despite having a bf during college I still felt quite lonely.

When I finished college I realised I had wasted that time when I could have been having the craic and discovering myself. I deeply regret not getting involved more in college.

So here I am sitting in on a Saturday night, by myself. No invitations to go out, not even for a dvd night. I have a few friends from school but they have their own friends from college, boyfriends etc. and don't really want a hanger-on. Ditto with friends from a part-time job I used to have.

I feel like I should be going out and having the craic but at the same time I don't know that many people at all, never mind friends that I can just call and ask to hang out.

I feel like I have missed such a big part of Irish youth culture, the 'friends for life from college' thing.

I do realise that other people have infinitely more serious problems than this, but I would appreciate any input that people may have.

What happened to the bf?

Starokan

its never to late to discover yourself, you can let loose any time and live a bit wilder, it can be hard to cultivate friendships but you need to put yourself into situations where you meet new people.

Its a bit cliched but clubs/societies etc are the way to go, join something you have an interest in and dont be afraid to initiate contact outside of the group, most people are delighted to go for a drink or coffee when asked.

If you live in a city its obviously easier as there is a wider variety to choose from , if your in a rural or quiet area perhaps use the internet to cultivate friendships and over time they will possibly become friendships in real life too

KKkitty

The early 20's to me were out every night of the week, being sociable and now that I'm 30 I have nothing compared to that. I had friends back then that I don't now. Don't think you wasted your 20's. You could have wasted it with the wrong people and regretted it even more. As someone said join a group or something. Don't live with regrets. Look to your future and decide what you want and achieve it. To those people who have friends to invite them out for nights out or dvd nights how can you be sure they're happy with that. Some may just follow the crowd doing stuff that makes other people happy without thinking of themselves or want to cut themselves off from certain friends but can't because they've been friends for so long that they're afraid of pastures new.

LovelyLottie

I understand exactly where you're coming from. I had a boyfriend the early years of college and i soooo stupidly thought he was the best thing since sliced bread - i didn't make enough of an effort to mix with college people and as a result they didn't make much of an effort with me.

It's never too late to make new friends. Make a promise to yourself now that in the next few months you will try some new things - join an exercise class, an evening class, do some volunteering, make more of an effort with work people (if you work?? or college people if you're doing further study?), meetup.com does have a lot of different social groups for people with various interests - depending on where you're living of course. Try a few new ways of making friends and you'll be surprised that a bit of effort really does pay off. Good luck

Ickle Magoo

OP, please do not feel you have to divulge any personal information/details you deem irrelevant to the issue you are posting on.

Folks,

Either offer civil, mature and constructive advice based on the information the OP has offered or refrain from posting.

Please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter and be aware that off-topic, unhelpful and/or fatuous posts can earn you a ban from this forum.

Many thanks.

saa

I know how you feel I have a long term bf all through college, just finishing now, I didn't make friends until 3rd yr, didn't make the most of it but im going to have a degree and that's going to get me where I want to be more so than any memories of nights out (which don't end when you graduate)

The college friends I have now I would go out with - drinkin buddies rather than friends for life.. but it doesn't mean much as I have no one I can go to for a chat no real friends but I feel like I need to settle within a new job or network, get involved with things that benefit me and il meet someone eventually and might get along with their friends, Id really like to be part of a genuine group of friends but its not going to happen right now for a good reason and I can't exactly look for it but it will happen. I'm aware that you are "out there" and still don't feel connected socially and I'm not sure I have the answer as I'm in a similar position but things will fall into place and I've noticed a lot of people do lose their college/school friends as we all end up in different places it just takes a while to find good people in your life again, feel free to pm me I know that it seems like such a bummer but more people than you think feel like this after college its not the best time of everyone's life

djcervi

saa is right. Many people in their 20s feel the same way. It's easy to feel that you're wasting your College years. Personally, I'm going through a lot of personal problems, some of which are beyond my control. It literally pains me to walk into College everyday, and see so many happy people while I'm sad and feeling rather lonely. I try to put on a happy face and act as if everything is okay. But it's hard. I don't really socialise with my class, as my class is quite big and don't really socialise as a class. I have tried to make the effort by going to clubs/socs/ talking to my classmates, but I've struggled to make friends. Also, my personal problems have made it hard to do so.

I've always thought that I'm throwing away the College experience, but you can't put time limits on things. Just because I might not meet my best friends in college doesn't mean that can't happen after my undergrad. Just because I haven't taken up new and random interests in College doesn't mean I can't do that at a later stage. At times, you have to stick to the facts. I'm not in a happy situation: Fact. So, What can I do about it. It does come down to this. While it's a lot easier said than done, you do need to start thinking about what can make me happy right now (something which is attainable). Then, you continue from there. Don't pay attention to what people think you should be doing, do what you want/need to do.

Gannicus

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

OP, please do not feel you have to divulge any personal information/details you deem irrelevant to the issue you are posting on.

Folks,

Either offer civil, mature and constructive advice based on the information the OP has offered or refrain from posting.

Please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter and be aware that off-topic, unhelpful and/or fatuous posts can earn you a ban from this forum.

Many thanks.

I may have missed something apologies if I did but I don't think Paddy Bateman meant anything by asking about the boyfriend bar: how come he didn't ask you out with him and his mates.

But other than that I think most people are right. Join a club/gym/society and try meet new people. Try make it to a boards night out they are always good fun and you'll meet people you're used to talking to on here anyway.

bogman007

Raspberries wrote: »

So here I am sitting in on a Saturday night, by myself. No invitations to go out, not even for a dvd night. I have a few friends from school but they have their own friends from college, boyfriends etc. and don't really want a hanger-on. Ditto with friends from a part-time job I used to have.

I feel like I should be going out and having the craic but at the same time I don't know that many people at all, never mind friends that I can just call and ask to hang out.

I feel like I have missed such a big part of Irish youth culture, the 'friends for life from college' thing.

I do realise that other people have infinitely more serious problems than this, but I would appreciate any input that people may have.

Hey i just read all that and it sounds a lot similar to my situation....after secondary school i lost touch with guys i grew up with and made new friends in college...i hung around with this crowd and dossed lecturers and failed my course along with them..Anyway i went back last September and nearly finished now..I plan on emigrating and starting fresh soon..

Ickle Magoo

As this thread is months old and no new advice has been offered, I'm going to lock it.

Could any posters wishing advice on their own situation please post their own thread and if you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Cheers.