is it time to be a hard b##ch?

LegacyUser

after many many times been let down by someone i cared very much for, i think tonight is the last straw.

i was asked, very late last night if i would go to a concert tonight, i really wasnt pushed because of many let-downs previously, however i thought this person really wanted to go and needed someone to go with, so, despite my reservations i said i would go if they had no-one else.

fast forward to 6pm today, no word from them! i text to see what the story was, and got the response 'sorry, was up the walls all day, didnt get chance, sorry'

basically, they are not going, didnt have the decency to tell me early. i actually swopped stuff around so i could go with them.

its not the first time something like this has happened, my feelings are never taken into account and i feel like there is no respect for me at all.

so, should i, as i feel just not bother anymore and ignore from now on, or should i explain to person why i wont be bothering in future?
oh and i have pointed these things out before and got stupid excuses and nothing ever changed.

Jake187

They aint a mate & the cut the cord.
With regards to the concert. You were asked to be a last minute fill in. Because someone else cancelled on them, right? .... Truth is your friend found someone else they wanted to go with. The whole "I was too busy to go" is BS. (life experience 101. we've all been through the same)

So you've got lying, using you and they've let you down in the past? Op, cut the cord

As for the title of your thread "time to be a hard bi*ch"? ... to them certainly, yes. They tried to treat you like a mug in more than one situation and you as a person must have self-respect. Blank them. Be uninterested with them. Flat out be rude if you want to be. A line was crossed. You know what was done. Despite if they ever try to twist things as to why you are being 'rude' (etc) to them.

mr_edge_to_you

You shouldn't have to be a b***h or a b****x to a friend. Sometimes you might have to be honest with them but never a b***h.

The actions you mentioned are not those of a friend.

Big Bag of Chips

My response in these types of situations is always the same. Don't go out of your way for them.

If you are asked to do something by them and it suits YOU, and you genuinely don't mind doing it, then do it. Otherwise you're just being a bitch for the sake of it, and honestly... you will have yourself worked up about "proving a point" and they won't even notice anything is bothering you!

However, I wouldn't in future go changing plans for a person like that. Just realise that it is ok to say "no, it doesn't suit..." or whatever.

Some people are just scatty, and while they don't mean any badness their constant disorganisation and chaos that they live in drives the people around them mad, they honestly don't realise. Talking and explaining doesn't change them, because the "scattiness" is in-built, and a life long habit that is hard to break! I speak from experience! And I know people will reply saying "how hard is it to keep plans, or stick to times etc.. if I can do it, why can't she... etc etc". But some people just aren't made that way!!

Anyway, I wouldn't start being a bitch, if it's not how you usually handle things, but I would stop jumping for this person at the drop of a hat. If you can't do something with them, they will find someone else to ask... and let down!

ElleEm

taken for granted wrote: »

after many many times been let down by someone i cared very much for, i think tonight is the last straw.

i was asked, very late last night if i would go to a concert tonight, i really wasnt pushed because of many let-downs previously, however i thought this person really wanted to go and needed someone to go with, so, despite my reservations i said i would go if they had no-one else.

fast forward to 6pm today, no word from them! i text to see what the story was, and got the response 'sorry, was up the walls all day, didnt get chance, sorry'

basically, they are not going, didnt have the decency to tell me early. i actually swopped stuff around so i could go with them.

its not the first time something like this has happened, my feelings are never taken into account and i feel like there is no respect for me at all.

so, should i, as i feel just not bother anymore and ignore from now on, or should i explain to person why i wont be bothering in future?
oh and i have pointed these things out before and got stupid excuses and nothing ever changed.

OP, this person doesn't sound like they care about you at all.
They do not respect you or value the time you give up for them.

Confronting them about this does not mean you need to be a "hard bitch". You can tell them calmly that you have been let down far too much by them, and can no longer trust that they will be there when they say they will.

You should not waste your time on them any more. You deserve better from someone you care about.

LegacyUser

hi, op here, i have calmed down a little this morning i guess.

i dont want to be a b##ch, i just mean maybe its time to be hard in my attitude towards this person.
they are not in any way a 'ditsy' person, just doesnt seem to think its important to consider my feelings. its like, it doesnt matter what i say because it'll be grand again in a little while.

thanks for your replies, just needed to know i wasnt being over sensitive, because thats what i will be told, im a drama queen no doubt!

ElleEm

taken for granted wrote: »

hi, op here, i have calmed down a little this morning i guess.

i dont want to be a b##ch, i just mean maybe its time to be hard in my attitude towards this person.
they are not in any way a 'ditsy' person, just doesnt seem to think its important to consider my feelings. its like, it doesnt matter what i say because it'll be grand again in a little while.

thanks for your replies, just needed to know i wasnt being over sensitive, because thats what i will be told, im a drama queen no doubt!

Stick to your guns! You KNOW this person has let you down many times, it's a fact, so don't let them make you think otherwise.

Big Bag of Chips

Don't give her opportunity to even get as far as calling you a drama queen! You know you won't get anywhere if you try discuss it with her, so don't even try. Just stop being so available to her.

Make your own plans. Don't ever let yourself be in a situation where you are dependent on her to go out. Make sure others are going along with you, so that if she is late or just doesn't show up, it doesn't actually matter.

And if she arranges something, and its just you and her.... learn to say "no thanks"!

saa

Keep quiet and be distance:
Just act like it didn't phase you because this is not a relationship worth getting into drama over and have others talking about you saying you won't talk to _____ all because they didn't text you back or you were pished about not getting a free ticket, it could be twisted.

Don't cut the cord if you've mutual friends and will see them around just take their friend status down to acquaintance, say nothing about it, don't talk to your friends about the person, don't talk to the person, if they try and ask you to do something again just tell them you're busy when you see them say hi be polite but don't let them get close..

I've been let down a lot by ex-close friends who have to mind their niece, have "no" money, "lost their phone"/had it on silent, didn't realise.. etc. but really they weren't arséd about me so i didn't fight I didn't try, works fine.

LegacyUser

Don't make a fuss. Don't complain. Don't look for explanations. Because you know what will happen: you'll be given the 'oh I didn't realise' type excuses, or it will be turned around that you are causing drama.

Whether this person is just plain selfish, or dizzy as hell, the effect on you is the same - taken for granted. I don't buy this 'oh I'm just so forgetful/disorganised' thing - still boils down to not caring enough about the effect their actions have on others. Of course anyone can mess up plans occasionally, but when a pattern starts to emerge ...

From personal experience, stop putting yourself out for this person, and stop being so available to them. I'd put money on the contact naturally lessening over time, as they realise that they can't get away with their selfish and/or scatty behaviour.