Happy being a singleton

cillmhanach

Hi. I am a happy healthy 30 year old male. I have never been in a relationship and it does not bother me. I believe that there are many perks to being single such as having plenty of free time to do what you like, going to events at your own leisure, your own money and not being answerable to anyone. Many people strive for relationships but I now know I'm just not interested. Am I weird?

LegacyUser

in a word - no.

as long as you're not hurting anyone i don't see the problem. unless your mates have started making digs at you that it's time to settle down or some such, in which case with all the best will in the world - it's none of their business.

i'm married, and i kind of envy you. but that's something i could only admit anonymously as too often the 'singlelife' is equated with going out and riding all round you. but i miss the being your own person and having time to yourself bit. so no, you're not weird.

Ickle Magoo

Absolutely not - why do YOU think you are weird?

People have all manner of reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship; burnt in past relationships, their upbringing, valuing their absolute independence, personal preference, asexuality, etc, etc - all as valid and relevant to them as the reasons why those who want to be relationships pursue them.

I don't think anything in life is a one-size fits all, if you are happy being a singleton then just kick back and enjoy!

All the best :cool:

NoobSaibot5

I see no problem with being that way either. Guys think it's weird that im not interested in the same thing either, but I suppose some people just don't feel the need to be in a relationship.

As it is, I feel like a complete person as it is, I don't need a relationship to validate my own level of personal comfort or self assurance. You're obviously very confident within yourself, so don't feel bad about that. If you ever want to settle down, you'll do it on your own terms when your ready for it. Until then, enjoy yourself!

zxcvbnm1

No - if that's what you really prefer then it is not weird.
Although it is unusual (Is unusual another word for weird I wonder?)

What is interesting though is that you say you have never been in a relationship before.
So therefore while i dont doubt you are content now, teh reality is you can't proer;y comment om whether you would be more content if you did have a gf.

The fact of the matter is most people by human nature do belive that having a partner enhances a lifestyle.

And unless you are truly unique and that dosn't apply to you (which is certainly possible), personally i think a greater likelihood is that you have convinced yourself that lie is better without a partner.

Do you have male friends ? Or do you prefer to just keep to yourself full stop?
If you have male friends then presumably you do enjoy company.
Which would mean that - assuming you are attracted to women - then i don't see why you wouldn't enjoy their company and also get teh added benfit of an intimate relationship?

Personally my own guess is you're in denial.
Your theory just doesn't add up to me.

LegacyUser

OP some will think it's weird but as long as your happy who cares? I'm in my late 30's and very happy being single and have no desire to alter that. Some can claim I'm in denial but it's the same people who've been telling me since I was 18 that as a girl I must want babies and now as I get closer and closer to 40 they are slowly starting to believe me when I say I don't want babies! I don't have issues with intimacy or had a trauma in my childhood that put me off relationships etc etc My parents and grandparents have great marriages so I've no issue with or lack understanding as to why people want to have relationships I just know it's not for me. Same way I know having kids is not for me.

Reading other threads on here about being single people seem to always moan they reach a certain age and all their friends are in relationships and they are the 3rd wheel but I've never had that happen - I've friends in all sorts of situations - single, dating, long term, married, divorced, kids, no kids etc etc I still get to hang out with all of them regardless of their relationship status. Never felt left out or like a third wheel. I also really enjoy spending time in my own company and never feel lonely....if thats weird in some way then so be it but I'm happy so I ain't changing to please other people.

cillmhanach

cillmhanach wrote: »

Hi. I am a happy healthy 30 year old male. I have never been in a relationship and it does not bother me. I believe that there are many perks to being single such as having plenty of free time to do what you like, going to events at your own leisure, your own money and not being answerable to anyone. Many people strive for relationships but I now know I'm just not interested. Am I weird?

No in fact i sort of envy you. To be content in any aspect of life and especially an aspect that is so pressurised by society is a brilliant thing to have.

Conway635

I am single by choice after many years of having been in relationships, and I can honestly say that I've never been happier.

For about 20 years from my mid 20s onwards, I was almost always in a long-term relationship (including a marriage that lasted about 10 years) with only fleeting periods of single-ness between relationships (never was one for cheating, so there was always a small gap between partners).

However as I have got older, I've come to realise more and more that I'm really happy in myself, and comfortable with my own company. I do have lots of different friends and have a good social life, but I also, by choice, have quite a bit of "me time" too.

I really enjoy the freedom of being able to plan my own life, and do things and go places as I want, changing plans on a whim sometimes, knowing that it won't disrupt anyone else. I find it easier to plan financially, and to tackle major projects that require a lot of time or energy because I don't have to split my attention.

Having said that, I wouldn't change my past, and each of the people I've been in relationships with in the past contributed to my life and to who I am now in different ways, enriching me as a person as I hope I enriched them.

I'm now late 40s, enjoying my life, and have no plans to stop being single any time soon.

So OP, whatever is right for you is right - don't worry.

C635

Overheal

Im mainly single by choice. The other half is I work pretty much full time (I'm technically part time but the amount of time they want to work me 30+ hours a week is getting silly) and full time college education. So my hours suck. If I had to think about a relationship I'm pretty sure my head would explode or everything else would fall apart. No point in forcing yourself into a relationship if you're not personally up for one.

LegacyUser

I would say that if you've never been in a relationship, it would be difficult for you to accurately imagine, even in broad strokes, what it would really be like. Since you have no true reference points here, having never had the experience and the rich tapestry of emotions that come with such experiences, you don't really know what you could be missing.

You're thinking through the advantages of your current situation logically. I can see where you're coming from. But, you can learn much more in a week of actually experiencing something than in a year of just analysing the prospect in your head.

If you're happy with the way things are, great, but be careful of prior assumptions that you seem to be leaving unchallenged (i.e. "relationships take up a lot of time", "if I'm in a relationship I can no longer go to events at my own leisure").

These assumptions can become personal 'blind spots', since they are accepted as true and beyond questioning. They serve as foundations upon which you base all of your reasoning.


But what if they aren't actually true (or perhaps true for some relationships but not true for many others)?

Without a single experience, can you ever know?

peter barrins

This post has been deleted.

mood

No I don't think you being happy being single is weird. The fact that you are happy regardless of being single or not is great.

However, if you have never been in a relationship (or even the right relationship) how can you really say you prefer the single life?

saa

And striving for what you don't have is the problem.
If being in a relationship is not something you want how can being single be a bad thing you're exactly where you want to be, never mind "everyone" else, you're not strange sure most people who are single are looking but most people are always looking to be someone or somewhere else, if you can feel content with what you have and where you are in that department it is a gift!

PickledLime

I'm in a 3 year-and-counting relationship at the minute. It's really fantastic. I was single for 6 years previous to that. That was also fantastic.

There's pros and cons to being both single and in a relationship, but the important thing is you do whatever is right for you

Fentdog84

Similiar situation here op, been single with a few years now and havent really even been looking for a relationship and to be honest, im ok with it as im happy in my own company but there are some moments when you'd wish the opposite. Kind of a double edged sword but if your happy, theres no issue really..

ongarboy

A lot of people who are single seem to suggest that being in a relationship means sacrificing freedom and independence. Maybe some relationships are like that but many (mine included) are not like that at all. I lost none of the independence, freedom or individuality from when I was single but gained all the benefits of being in a relationship.

Benefits do actually include debating/negotiating/compromising/being challenged/seeing things from a different angle that interacting with a partner brings and which adds variety and differing perspective to my life. Being a singleton just to have my own way all the time would not be a rewarding experience for me personally.

OP - you are content with the way your life is. That is something most people aspire to so run with it. You are definitely not weird! Saying that, perhaps you have not yet met anyone where there is enough chemistry between the two of you that makes you want to be with that person longer than a one night stand. When or if you meet that person, you might just change your outlook.

cillmhanach

Thanks to everyone for their replies, much appreciated. The other thing is like doing things on my own like going to hurling and rugby games. I detest stags, weddings and any kind of party. I'm not in a comfort zone when I am at these. When I finish work id prefer to watch a DVD than go out.

ICANN

I'm 23 and never been in a serious relationship. For the past few years I was always thinking that there was something wrong with it but I think it was other people's expectations that made me feel like that. I'm so happy being single and am just not into relationships right now.

LegacyUser

Hi! I am 36 years old. I am single and happy enough to be honest. I have gone out with a fair few girls over the years; the last relationship ended in the Autumn and lasted for about 7-8 months. Nice girl, but just saw her as more of a friend towards the end.
In my private life I have battled quite bad OCD and anxiety & have made great progress.
Many of my mates are married or have partners; which got me down in the past. But I am much more calm and accepting of life now. I have my own house, a good job, and fit and healthy, great family and good friends!
I dont crave a girlfriend, but I do get a little lonely sometimes; this is more down to the fact that my mates are often busy with family: but that's only natural.
So I have joined a bike club and a class and am working on expanding my social network!

I think it is much better to be single than to be going out with someone who u dont like enough.... i have tried to work on relationships in the past...to see is something develops/grows, but it hasnt! These have been a bit stressful.
Right now I am free as a bird. If I meet a nice girl, yes I will give a relationship a go, but in the meantime I plan on enjoying life to the fullest!
The grass is always greener: if u are in a relationship; u wanna be single ,,,and if single, u wanna be in a relationship.
I am happy just being and living life day by day...

Yea being single is cool, but who knows what the future holds!!

missyb

Yea being single is cool, but who knows what the future holds!![/QUOTE]

Thats a great attitude, thats what happened to me, I loved being single when I was,Ive never been one to have a problem with my own company and I loved the freedom, the independence, all the stuff the OP mentioned. I also saw what bad relationships can do to people. However I was open to a relationship if I truely felt the right person had come along, thats what happened and it was totally unexpected. I admit the start of the relationship was hard for me and it was a bit rocky at the beginning, but the pay off has most definitely been worth it and we are due to get married, another thing I wasnt bothered about but apparantly should have been. I wouldn't get into a relationship for nothing thats for sure, especially if you are happy but if you find yourself in the position,dont ever deny yourself the pleasure of being with the right person just for the sake of it. Its just as good I promise!