counselling sessions

wexfordgent

we are going for professional counselling sessions at the moment, no 3 today. i am thinkinking its a waste of time. all i am experiencing is a constant attack on me. all my wife wants is to get the Female counciller on her side. and i am believing it has worked. i understand that a counciller is there to assess the situation and advise ? the situation we are both putting forward is .......... we both believe the other is a control freak/emotional abuse/money management and other stuff etc ?????

my wife is into tit for tat. she is a mirror image of her mother, her mother was a control freak, took all the money from her father, he went somewhere when she brought him, she done what she liked..... he was like a child. she has 4 sisters and they are control freaks too.

i dont know why my wife is going to councilling at all. my best guess is there will be a custody battle and i have a very good chance of winning. and she is afraid to take the case to court. im a better father than her a mother and we will go to court....... if i have too.

whats your opinions.... will chat about the bigger picture later.


also does anyone know of mens groups dealing with theese issues in wexford area ?

Taltos

Piece of advice my mum gave my sister - "let him have his say until what he says has him so wrapped up a fool could see it..." - worked too...

Don't get into the tit for tat attack mode yourself - try to stay calm - show you care and that you want to get advice on what to do. However - be prepared sometimes the person most convinced it is the others fault is the one with the issue. I am saying this as my sisters now ex is still 100% committed to the fact that it was all her fault... - Those of us looking in for years just wondered when she would wake up..

In terms of support groups around Wexford - sorry can't help - but maybe check a local library or ask around.

If you are not open to accepting your part in the marriage breakup though counselling will be meaningless to you and just a waste of time. No matter how sure you are it was all her fault you did have some part to play in what happened - even it was enabling her spoilt behaviour for so many years.

wexfordgent

ive been reading about emotional abuse on the net....... thats wat shes been doing for 15 years. i wish i had the strength to hate her, i would then be able to walk away for this sham marraige

Miss Fluff

Is there also the option to have individual/alone time with the counsellor? You've posted about your marriage quite a bit at this stage and perhaps a one-on-one counselling session may be an idea also?

Ickle Magoo

I think you need to get some help in real life and deal with this toxic relationship once and for all. I think there is little point wasting time with assumptions deliberating what if's, you need to get straight in your head where you are going from here - and I'd second Miss Fluff's recommendation of getting counselling for yourself in order to do that.

Repeatedly posting anonymously on a forum sounds to me to be a continuation, if not symptomatic, of the issues in your marriage. You know what the issues are, you know what you have to do to deal with them. Publicly complaining about your wife or about what is making you unhappy, while satisfying in the short term, will resolve nothing - you have to bite the bullet and make real changes in your life so you can move on from this marriage and be happier.

I'd try googling, golden pages or ask your GP for local services.

All the very best. :cool:

wexfordgent

Thanks for the advice. Is it recomended to talk to the same counciller as she is now on her side. Will go to see gp tomorrow about some contacts. A soliciter is the only person who can sort out this mess.

Ickle Magoo

You are never going to trust the counsellor enough to discuss issues intimately if you already think they are taking sides - you really want/need one that can work through your own issues and get the greatest return for yourself, that you can.

If I were you I'd make an appointment with a completely unrelated counsellor ASAP and make real strides to get yourself in a position where you are prepared to make the changes you need to have a more fulfilling and positive life, rather than complaining about how much and what of the status quo you are unhappy with.

I really do wish you all the very best. :cool:

wexfordgent

Thanks that is what I thought too. I will get someone different. The current counciller has made her mind up, certainally looks that wAy

LegacyUser

Hi Wexfordgent, I've followed your story on various threads.

I don't think I'd be so quick to walk out on couples counselling. Your wife, who for years has 'abused' you, taken and mismanaged your money, neglected your children and had an online affair has now agreed to go to counselling with you. That's a big deal and a step in the right direction. This is what you wanted isn't it? Are you really going to give up because of what you perceive to be the attitude of the counsellor? Why not stick it out for a few more sessions - the truth will out if you express yourself calmly. Let your wife say her piece. You'll get your turn.

I also agree with the poster above that part of the process is taking responsibility for our own actions. You enabled a negative situation for years. To break that cycle you have to own up to your own role in creating it.

It seems like even in counselling you're slipping into the familiar role of persecuted victim. You don't need to do that. This might be a great opportunity for you to challenge that perception of yourself in a safe, therapeutic setting. Just try it. If it doesn't work you can still proceed as before. But maybe playing a different role with create a different a different outcome.

Counselling isn't about who's right. It's painful because you're learning about yourself.

Payton

Ive read some of your threads before. Do YOU want the marriage to work?. From what Im getting from this post is that you have given up on it. Stay with the marriage counselling but also go to a counsellor for YOURSELF. You need to come through this as a human being again, not as something that was scrapped from her shoe.
At this stage its not about what she wants, its about what you want. Let her have her rant and rave in the counselling session, rise above it. Your better than her, you've done nothing wrong.
Start working on YOU and the kids and building a life for you all without her.
All the best.

wexfordgent

Thanks people, I think I will continue with the sessions as was suggested. Its just an attack on me at the moment. I am responsible for stuff to, I understand that. But herself is perfect, her words ! So we will see what happens ?

Payton

"Her Words", nobody else's. Please do continue on with what your doing, if anything you'll come through this with some sense of normality.