Can't handle my life anymore.

LegacyUser

I don't know where to even start. I'm HATING my life at the moment. I love my actual job, but hate the person I work for, he's known for being a bit of a nutter, totally unreasonable and really hard to deal with. My working environment can be totally unbearable at time and many days have ended with me in tears. Already this year I've taken two days off, purely because I couldn't face going into work. I'm actually really good at my job, and customers and other staff members regularly comment on how the place would fall apart without me there. I've been applying for other jobs regularly but no joy so far.
My home life is dismal. I have a beautiful 4 year old son, he's the one thing keeping me going. My partner has a cannabis addiction which he refuses to face up to. We have practically no sex life, once a month maybe, but a gap of 2-3 months is not uncommon. He gets stoned and falls asleep on the couch 19/20 nights, and I know he smokes on his breaks in work, and pretty much all day weekends. He also has a fear of commitment, to the point of even talking about the future is an ordeal. Talks of marriage, more children, houses, anything really usually ends in an argument.
I'm also currently having health issues. Had treatment for pre-cancerous cells on my cervix last year, which doesn't appear to have worked fully, and I'm back in hospital next Monday for further tests and to discuss treatment options.
My own family and my partners are both going through some very difficult times, both very different issues but very stressful for all involved.

Each aspect of my depressing life has so many complications I don't know where to start. I'm usually a very strong person, and have dealt with some harsh times during my life, but usually just one thing at a time. Everything seems to be falling apart all together at the moment.
I'm sorry for prattling on, I just don't know where to turn to at the moment. I've developed a twitch in my eye, have been having very mild panic attacks, have piled on weight, my skin is in bits and my hair is thinning. I've never ever felt this low.

LegacyUser

op, even though our situations are very different, i wanted to reply anyway, cause i do see similarities. i've been so down and feeling hopeless recently and i too notice things like my hair and skin going to pot, battling with weight etc etc. these are all our body's ways of telling us we need help. they're the stress and anxiety within us coming out, and i don't mean that in any hippy dippy way.

so. practical advice. the issues with your partner must seem hard to deal with with all the other things going on in your life, and my advice to you would be to get yourself sorted first. after your tests on monday it might be worth while having a chat to your gp maybe, explain about the panic attacks and how down you're feeling. you need to tackle that first - believe me it will be easier to deal with things. your gp may suggest councelling, or even medication to deal with the axiety, my advice would be to take whatever is suggested. things will be easier to cope with once you've got the strength to do it.

the job thing, yeah i've been there too. working for someone like that can be destructive to your self esteem i find. that's why i think you need to work on yourself first and foremost. once you feel strong within youself again you'll be able to just put the head down, keep applying for jobs and get a feeling of hope back again and it won't seem as bad.

as for your partner, i'm not really sure. i've been around enough 'stoners' in the past to know that unless they want to stop smoking themselves, it's rarely you can get them to change. i'm not a fan of ultimatiums but you have to make the decision for yourself, do you want to be around someone who doesn't offer you the support and love you deserve? does your son deserve to grow up with a dad that'd rather get baked every weekend instead of doing things as a family?

i hope everything goes well for you on monday x