Doubts about relationship

LegacyUser

Well as the title says I'm having doubts about my relationship. We've been together for 18 months but I'm not sure if it's working out any more. But that is the problem - I'm not sure. I don't know if there actually is a problem or it I'm just exaggerating things, making things seem worse than they are. I've been going through a really rough patch lately and I don't know if the relationship has has a part to play in that or if it has nothing at all to do with it, and the bad patch is affecting my thinking. I just don't know. I'll think there are problems, and I'll either ignore until another time or say it to him then. If I ignore it I often forget about it, until something else happens again. If I do say it we'll talk it through, and then usually get on with it and again I'll forget about it until the next time. But I'm just not sure if I'm really happy, if maybe the problems are actually something to be worried about. I've deliberately not given any details because I can never think clearly about what's wrong. It isn't what's wrong that is the problem, the problem is that I don't even know if anything is wrong! Then I think to myself that if I'm this unsure, I can't be happy. But then I'll see him or talk to him again and it'll be okay! I just want to know how to sort this out in my head because it's really killing me. Sorry for such a confusing post

Miss Fluff

I'm sorry OP but personally I'd find it very hard to give you advice because your post is so unclear and vague. I think if you need constructive advice then you need to post constructively as well.

Perhaps a good starting point is listing the positive and negatives in two old fashioned lists and see how these compare and then use those as a basis for getting things straight in your head.

That would be preferable to you saying that you think something is wrong but you're not sure so it might be or it might not and should you break up on that basis?!

IrishEyes19

exactly what miss fluff said. Are you unhappy outside your relationship or because of it.

If you are unhappy outside of your relationship, perhaps singledom would be good to work on those issues before you enter something serious and if you are unhappy because of your relationship, well addressing the issue solely with your OH might be of benefit and seeing where to go from there and how they feel too

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I'm sorry OP but personally I'd find it very hard to give you advice because your post is so unclear and vague. I think if you need constructive advice then you need to post constructively as well.

Perhaps a good starting point is listing the positive and negatives in two old fashioned lists and see how these compare and then use those as a basis for getting things straight in your head.

That would be preferable to you saying that you think something is wrong but you're not sure so it might be or it might not and should you break up on that basis?!

I know, but this is the problem - I don't know what's going on, I don't know how to post constructively because I'll either over or underplay what's going on. I'm sorry for being so unclear and uncooperative, but the problem is that I don't know IF there's a problem. So I don't want to start saying "I'm unhappy because of X Y and Z" because at the moment, that might be upsetting me, but if you asked me tomorrow I might not feel the same. Does that make sense?

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

exactly what miss fluff said. Are you unhappy outside your relationship or because of it.

If you are unhappy outside of your relationship, perhaps singledom would be good to work on those issues before you enter something serious and if you are unhappy because of your relationship, well addressing the issue solely with your OH might be of benefit and seeing where to go from there and how they feel too

Again, I don't know why I'm unhappy. I'm not even sure what advice I'm after here, just some way to help sort things out. But I don't want to rush into taking a break, or breaking up, if I'm not even a bit sure if that's what the cause of this is

IrishEyes19

sososoconfused wrote: »

I know, but this is the problem - I don't know what's going on, I don't know how to post constructively because I'll either over or underplay what's going on. I'm sorry for being so unclear and uncooperative, but the problem is that I don't know IF there's a problem. So I don't want to start saying "I'm unhappy because of X Y and Z" because at the moment, that might be upsetting me, but if you asked me tomorrow I might not feel the same. Does that make sense?



Again, I don't know why I'm unhappy. I'm not even sure what advice I'm after here, just some way to help sort things out. But I don't want to rush into taking a break, or breaking up, if I'm not even a bit sure if that's what the cause of this is

in that case, OP, I think a break might do you good, and perhaps seek some counselling to help whats making you so unhappy. You cant just wish the problems away and I doubt any of us here could sort them. Perhaps seek counselling and see whats troubling you. It must be very hard to sustain a relationship whilst feeling unhappy.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here again. Just as I thought things were going okay, he pulled something on me last night and I'm so annoyed with him. I'm really heading towards breaking up, but I don't know if I want to do that I'm wondering would there be any point in sort of keeping a diary or something of how I feel when he upsets me like this. Not as sort of a record against him, but so I can get my thoughts out and maybe even realise what things are actually worth getting annoyed and upset over and what things are just me overreacting.

I am a friend

There are 7 days in a week - are you unhappy more days than you are happy. If so, break up...

What's keeping you in the relationship now?

Miss Fluff

sososoconfused wrote: »

Hi OP here again. Just as I thought things were going okay, he pulled something on me last night and I'm so annoyed with him. I'm really heading towards breaking up, but I don't know if I want to do that I'm wondering would there be any point in sort of keeping a diary or something of how I feel when he upsets me like this. Not as sort of a record against him, but so I can get my thoughts out and maybe even realise what things are actually worth getting annoyed and upset over and what things are just me overreacting.

Yes I think keeping a diary might help you articulate what exactly is wrong and whether you are overreacting. Is there one recurring issue that keeps cropping up that makes you argue?

Also, there are two people in every relationship so if you are "so annoyed" with him and this is a common occurance then you'll need to establish whether a. what he is doing is so serious or b. you're just overly touchy.

There's a big difference between being "so annoyed" with him because he burnt the toast and a big difference at being "so annoyed" with him because he's sleeping with your best friend. See where I'm coming from?

You need to be able to identify where the problems lie and in turn how it makes you feel and why and taking it from there. Sounds like you're a bit all over the place so putting some structure to your thoughts will probably help.