Somebody who wants the same?

LegacyUser

Simple question - how does a 22 year old guy find a girl that wants to be in a serious relationship?

You probably think that's a joke, but it's not! Bit of backstory...I’ve only had one proper relationship which ended about 2 years ago. Me and my ex had been going out since we were 17 so I had a lot of new stuff to get used to when you’re a single guy on nights out trying to chat up girls.

In those years since I’ve come to the realisation that those casual one night stands and ‘playing the field’ is just not for me. It’s not that I had a problem doing it, I’d like to think I’m a decent enough looking guy and I’ve met some pretty great girls in the past, but nothing ever comes of it. This probably sounds really soppy but I just prefer all the stuff that comes with being in a relationship. Bit mad for a guy my age eh?

My problem with all this is it is nigh-on impossible for girls my age to want the same thing. I’ve met 2 or 3 girls in the last year who I’ve really liked and who’ve liked me back, but they all died a death because they weren’t interested in anything serious. At the very most they'd want casual, non-exclusive meet ups from time to time. I tried it and didn't like it. One girl in particular I got way too attached to before I found out she thought this way and when I knew she wasn’t budging I had to call it a day...that bet me up pretty badly at the time.

The reason I’m asking this now is because since then I’ve found my enthusiasm for chatting to girls waning as a result. It’s hard meeting new girls when previous experience suggests I’m going to want something more than her eventually. It's pretty disheartening because I know I don't have much choice if I want to meet someone...

Suggestions?

miss dublin

awwwww for a start there arent many fellas like u at all!!!! im the same age and i get where ur comin from....ive done the one nite stands and there fun and whatever else but sometimes u do want that bit more....its a tough one because girls and fellas arent looking for relationships at the min its all about casual sex...and with that one or the other always get attached and ends in tears, as u know...ive just stopped lookin and searchin coz it will happen eventually...everytin happens for a reason so enjoy life ur still so young!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LegacyUser

Why do I get the feeling that your post is actually a disguised " I am looking for a date " search ?

Anyway ...

I am 22 too and I think most girls/guys at that age want to have some fun ! No one wants to settle down at 22, which is quite understandable. I think most people don't want to be in a commited relationship at that age, partly because they're not even settled down in their own personal life (ie : they want to travel, study, party ..) and being in a commited relationship usually means you have to be settled down already (in your personal life).

The commited relationship thing usually comes a long time after college. It's quite frustrating that most people don't want relationships anymore, but I'm pretty sure that you'll find someone who is actually looking for the same perspective.

Just don't rush into anything with any girl just because you feel she wants the same things you do. Besides, you're just 22, you shouldn't worry about that at all ! Focus on yourself a little, because that may be the only time you have to do so !

Good luck !

ihsb

Trust me, there are girls that want the same... I am one! Though I have been lucky enough to find someone else that wants the same. Try online dating. There are horror stories but a lot of people on there have stated what they are looking for so that way you can only chat to the girls that want the same as you.

Also try meeting people outside of your normal group. There are loads of meetup groups around for different interests that you could meet someone in that might want the same things from life as you.

Good Luck!

ButterflyABC

Hi OP,

Seriously you are 22, enjoy being 22. I wouldn't be rushing into a relationship at 22! It's nice that you like the stuff that comes with being in a relationship and it usually is the other way around that the girls are looking for guys to get into relationships with. I'm sure you will find someone looking for the same thing, be patient as you are still very young.

Good luck to you

wivy

Hi op,
Im the same age as you and there are so many girls out there who would love to find someone like you definetley! I went out for someone for two years and to be honest I look back now and think what the hell was I doing! I was far too settled for my liking and I have no intention of going near that 'settled' state again for a while...
Enjoy singledom! Im now out living life to the full, very different from a year ago and I'm far better off... We're only 22 we still have a lot of self discovery to do! I dont just want to settle someone for the sake of having a boyfriend.. Iv been there done that and will never go there again... I may be waiting till I'm in my thirties with my cats but I'm going to wait for that spark...
You cant expect to snap your fingers and find the one thats meant for you! live your life and romance will happen along the way!..
Best of luck!

RDM_83 again

Some-Day wrote: »

I am 22 too and I think most girls/guys at that age want to have some fun ! No one wants to settle down at 22, which is quite understandable. I think most people don't want to be in a commited relationship at that age, partly because they're not even settled down in their own personal life (ie : they want to travel, study, party ..) and being in a commited relationship usually means you have to be settled down already (in your personal life).

The commited relationship thing usually comes a long time after college. It's quite frustrating that most people don't want relationships anymore, but I'm pretty sure that you'll find someone who is actually looking for the same perspective.

Not to be a prick but when I look at my peer group and myself, a lot more people began/ were in LTR (though they may not have lasted the intervening years ) at the 22/23 age than the previous few years. I understand looking at different and non-representative groups but you may find it surprising the changes in the next year as everybody stops being "students" etc

BraziliaNZ

You're not happy with yourself are you? Why do you want a girlfriend so bad? I spent years pining after women in my 20s, while never really happy, now I'm in this kind of "I don't give a f**k" bliss at the age of 31. I have no interest in looking for a girlfriend anymore, if I meet someone that makes my life even better it would be wonderful but solo is great too. Make the most of it kid, you only live once.