Learn to live with it?

judgefudge

Hey, not a big issue really here but its driving me crazy. I live with 3 of my friends. 2 of them work 9-6 jobs and I work 9-5/6 most days. However one of my housemates is on the dole. She does a bit of cash in hand work but very little.

The problem is...the mess in the house. I share a bathroom with this particular girl and she just doesn't seem to even see mess. I shower at the gym so I don't mind the bath/shower dirt. We only moved in a couple of months ago and I've cleaned this bathroom and one other in that time. Nobody else in the house has helped with this. GRanted the other two roommates use another bathroom so I wouldn't expect them to.

Thats only a slight problem though in comparison to the kitchen. Its constantly a mess. I seem to be cleaning constantly and yet when I get home from work the place is always a kip. The other 2 working roommates tend to clean as they go and I don't tend to have to clean up after them. The other girl is just an absolute slob. She will use every plate/pot/cup in the house before cleaning any and often leaves the house for a few days leaving a mountain of her dirty dishes behind. We have a dishwasher so even if she's too lazy to handwash them its not like she can't fill it. I and another housemate said it to her at christmas and she said she knew it was a problem but she was so busy over christmas she let everything slide.

I don't understand how the only person in the house who doesn't work is the only one who can't seem to have the manners to clean up around them. I'm afraid that if I come home one more time to a mound of dishes I'll just explode at her. I work all day and when I get home I have to spend half an hour cleaning just so I can make my dinner?

The other roommates are also annoyed at this but try to stay out of it as she is more my friend than theirs. I don't know how to approach this. I told her we should do a rota and she said it would never work and things will get back on track. It has been a month now and nothing has changed. Has anyone dealt with this kinda thing before?

Do I just need to accept that my level of cleanliness is higher than hers and learn to live with it?

lazygal

You need to call a house meeting and set up a cleaning rota. It's no one's business how anyone else they live with spends their days, but everyone is entitled to expect a certain level of cleanliness and tidiness at home. Everyone I know who's been in a house share has always had a rota from the start, and if people don't stick to it a meeting would be called and the matter sorted out. Nothing fancy, just a "This week Anne hovers all communal areas, Mary cleans the bathroom, Sue does the dusting and Louise empties all the bins" or whatever you decide on as the list of jobs. All communal areas should be a 'clean up as you go' system and people's bedrooms are their own affair. You need to be matter of fact and practical, as well as perhaps setting up a cleaning kitty so bleach, waste bags etc are kept to hand. This is something that should be easily sorted amongst adults.

Miss Fluff

Give her one last chance and if she doesn't pull her weight then ask her to move out.

James W

No way would I live with it - I couldn't!

I'd lay it on the line for her - clean up or get out.

qwertytlk

I shared housus before and this issue has come up a few times. The bottom line is that some people are just lazy and dont mind living in filth. Id say it to her again. I mean sit her down and say its gone past a joke now and she either needs to start cleaning up after herself or move out. If she wants to leave her own space in amess, i.e her bedroom, then thats fine but make it absloutley clear to her that all communal areas need to be cleaned afetr use. You could make a rota but you dont really need one imo, she just needs to wash and tidy up after she eats/uses the bathroom. Get a bit angry with her if needs be, show her how sick of this you are amd how serious you are. And stop cleaning up after her. I know its tempting when everythings a mess and you just feel its easier to do it yourself than wait for her to get off her arse am do it but the more you keep cleaning up after her the less likely she will be to do it herself. If she doesnt want to clean up either ask her to move out or pay for a cleaner to come in . You can get someone for approx €9 per hour. Either way, dont let this go on any longer. I reckon its her first house share is it? Maybe she just doesnt get it yet....remind her your not her mother or her maid and she needs to grow up a bit and clean up after herself.

Sleepy

Walk in, take the remote from her and say nicely "would you mind cleaning up the kitchen after yourself? I need to cook dinner and it's a state".

Repeat until you don't have to remind her.

Especially effective if you can manage to do this whilst she's watching Eastenders or whatever programmes she watches regularly.

judgefudge

Thanks for the responses, nice to know I'm not just some anal clean freak!

I'm gonna suggest the cleaning rota. Because the other two housemates will clean dishes as they go but they never clean communal areas like floors, counters etc.

I'm goin to do the cleaning rota thing I think because it will be clearer who's not pulling their weight. And besides I work hard I don't need to come home and have to nag people just so the house is presentable.

I don't understand why some people have no manners

It's just annoying because when I've approached another housemate and this girl in particular about a rota before I was told to **** off by one and told it wasn't necessary by another. Yeah - because I'm doing all the cleaning

curlzy

Hey OP,

I lived with probably the f*ltiest b*tch ever. I mean serious filth. Would quite happily sleep in the sittingroom surrounded by empty pizza boxes because she was too lazy to go up the stairs to bed, on top of that she was a passive aggressive n*sty lil cow. What did I do? I moved out, seriously life is too short to live constantly wound up because of passive-agressive childishness. So yeah tell your housemates you're extremely unhappy and you're moving out if it continues. Then if things don't improve, move out.

Best of luck.

peter barrins

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Here is what I would do.....designate a plate, cup, knife, fork etc for your self adn keep them in your press.

DO NOT CLEAN UP AFTER HER.

If there are pots lying around....put some luke warm water in them with a bit of yoghurt or something.....so you will get some growth. If you are going away for the weekend, leave thbin full and put something that will grown and stink in it.

She will get the point then. Tell your housemates not to clean up for her.

Get a little gravel and soil and just scatter it around the kitchen floor.

You will only have to put up with the mess for a day or two.....she what she does.

please stop cleaning up after her.

Miss Fluff

To be honest cleanjean I don't think that would work. I like your idea about the OP only using her own stuff etc and leaving this dirty bitch to clean up after herself but I bet she would just let the house go to rack and ruin and resolutely NOT tidy up. It would almost reinforce the need for her not to tidy up when it's only her own stuff, do you get me?

I actually don't think a rota would work that well either when the other three housemates are expressly against it I'm afraid

I'd either tell her to shape up or ship out and take Sleepy's approach and harangue her EVERY SINGLE DAY or just move out yourself. People like this rarely learn tbh. You've already said it to her once and any human, considerate and civilised human being would take that on the chin and have the manners to improve but if she hasn't then I wouldn't hold out a huge amount of hope tbh...

Sorry to be negative but I've been in a lot of house-shares throughout the years.

ButterflyABC

Miss Fluff wrote: »

To be honest cleanjean I don't think that would work. I like your idea about the OP only using her own stuff etc and leaving this dirty bitch to clean up after herself but I bet she would just let the house go to rack and ruin and resolutely NOT tidy up. It would almost reinforce the need for her not to tidy up when it's only her own stuff, do you get me?

I actually don't think a rota would work that well either when the other three housemates are expressly against it I'm afraid

I'd either tell her to shape up or ship out and take Sleepy's approach and harangue her EVERY SINGLE DAY or just move out yourself. People like this rarely learn tbh. You've already said it to her once and any human, considerate and civilised human being would take that on the chin and have the manners to improve but if she hasn't then I wouldn't hold out a huge amount of hope tbh...

Sorry to be negative but I've been in a lot of house-shares throughout the years.

I agree, that wouldn't work. You would just end up living in an even messier house that smells rank if you let stuff go off in pots and the likes. I would say it straight out to her to clean up her mess, don't clean for her. I have been in the same situation and I ended up cleaning lots of dishes just so I could make my dinner, it's very frustrating. You can't put up with that, it's gross. Say it or move out! Some people are so gross!

LegacyUser

I think if i were you i would just move out, from what you say the others in the house arent too pushed about the whole thing, maybe because you are doing the cleaning they are not noticing it so much. The thing is you have already said it to her it hasnt worked you've said it to the others and they are not interested, why would you bother with this hassle? she is not going to change, you cant not clean up after her either cause you are always going to be annoyed and stressed looking at the constant mess build up and you already know you dont want to live like that.
Also in theory yeah you have your own set of cutlery and dishes but there is still the work tops that will be dirty as well as the sink so then your cleaning your plates in a mess and using gross work tops. Just move and try and look for cleaner more considerate people. You seem to be the only one upset in that house and its only going to get more frustrating