Drinking when bored/lonely!

LegacyUser

Going unregged for this one,
I've gotten into a really bad habit of drinking by my self when i am bored, lonely or both. I moved to Dublin last year with my girlfriend for work, no jobs in my line in my native Cork. She has to travel home every second weekend which i don't so i'm often in Dublin by myself. I don't know a lot of people here and don't have any close friends here, mainly just casual work aquaintances. I'm not all that outgoing and can be a bit socially awkward with new people. I have a handful of close friends at home who have been my friends since school but that's it, i don't tend to make 'new' friends.
When the girlfrend is away, i get quite lonely and there is only so much TV i can watch every day so i get quite bored. To alleviate the boredom i usually pop into town for a look around the music shops. After an hour or so of that, i'm always drawn towards buying a newspaper and going for a quiet pint, nothing wrong with that you may say. The trouble is, these days, i can never seem to go for one or two, i end up having a full on session by my self! I'm talking 8,9,10 pints no problem. I wander from pub to pub, never staying in one pub for more than two pints because i'm always paranoid that people are looking at me thinking 'is that guy on his own? that's kind of tragic!' I've even started smoking when i'm drinking again (gave them up 5 years ago). I also deliberately avoid places where i know people from work go because i'm terrified that i'll bump into someone i know and they'll see me going on the piss by myself. I don't have the same desire to drink at home, i think i just want to go out and see some life outside of the 4 wall of our tiny apartment.
Last night i went into town to watch the Ireland match even though i had a brand new 42 inch HDTV to watch it on at home. Just as i got into the pub, the match was called off. Did i decide to go home? hell no. I had one pint in the pub that i was going to watch the match in, then moved on, had one in the Mezz bar, two in the Porterhouse, two in some other place in Temple Bar and then got off the luas one stop early and had two in a local pub, all the while smoking most of a pack of cigarettes. I would constantly be on my phone almost to make it look like i was meeting someone and they had texted to say they'd be late.
The saddest thing about all of this is, my girlfirend had no idea what i was doing, she's away for the weekend and she was texting me presuming i was at home. When she asked me to look for something in the apartment for her, i had to confess that i was out so i lied through my teeth and said i had run into a fella i know from home who is living up here and he insisted on going for a few jars, Pathetic! She would be horrified and really worried if she found out.
This is easily the 6th time i have done this in the last few months, i want to stop it, it's pathetic, i'm only 29 and shouldn't be this way. It's like as soon as i've had two pints i actually can't stop until i am well pissed. I have friends and family members who rarely drink and some who never touch drink and I am always jealous of them. I've managed to abstain for a few weeks at a time on a few occasions but i go back as bad as ever even though i always say the period of abstaining will be the start of a big cut in my drinking. It never works out that way.
Don't really know what kind of advice or support i'm hoping to get here, i just felt i had to get this off my chest.

LegacyUser

Drinking alone when bored and lonely is not good. You are drinking quite a bit, smoking again and lying to your GF are all an indication that it is becoming serious. Don't despair as you are acknowledging this which is a good sign. All you have to do is work with it. If boredom and lonliness are the main issues than tackle them. Participate in some hobby or play a sport during the weekends to meet and make new friends. When there is another game why not invite your colleagues to your house to watch it? Or invite your friends from Cork whilst your GF is away? There are many things you can do but you need to take the intiative.

tawnyowl

Problem???? wrote: »

Going unregged for this one,
I've gotten into a really bad habit of drinking by my self when i am bored, lonely or both. I moved to Dublin last year with my girlfriend for work, no jobs in my line in my native Cork. She has to travel home every second weekend which i don't so i'm often in Dublin by myself. I don't know a lot of people here and don't have any close friends here, mainly just casual work aquaintances. I'm not all that outgoing and can be a bit socially awkward with new people. I have a handful of close friends at home who have been my friends since school but that's it, i don't tend to make 'new' friends.
When the girlfrend is away, i get quite lonely and there is only so much TV i can watch every day so i get quite bored. To alleviate the boredom i usually pop into town for a look around the music shops. After an hour or so of that, i'm always drawn towards buying a newspaper and going for a quiet pint, nothing wrong with that you may say. The trouble is, these days, i can never seem to go for one or two, i end up having a full on session by my self! I'm talking 8,9,10 pints no problem. I wander from pub to pub, never staying in one pub for more than two pints because i'm always paranoid that people are looking at me thinking 'is that guy on his own? that's kind of tragic!' I've even started smoking when i'm drinking again (gave them up 5 years ago). I also deliberately avoid places where i know people from work go because i'm terrified that i'll bump into someone i know and they'll see me going on the piss by myself. I don't have the same desire to drink at home, i think i just want to go out and see some life outside of the 4 wall of our tiny apartment.
Last night i went into town to watch the Ireland match even though i had a brand new 42 inch HDTV to watch it on at home. Just as i got into the pub, the match was called off. Did i decide to go home? hell no. I had one pint in the pub that i was going to watch the match in, then moved on, had one in the Mezz bar, two in the Porterhouse, two in some other place in Temple Bar and then got off the luas one stop early and had two in a local pub, all the while smoking most of a pack of cigarettes. I would constantly be on my phone almost to make it look like i was meeting someone and they had texted to say they'd be late.
The saddest thing about all of this is, my girlfirend had no idea what i was doing, she's away for the weekend and she was texting me presuming i was at home. When she asked me to look for something in the apartment for her, i had to confess that i was out so i lied through my teeth and said i had run into a fella i know from home who is living up here and he insisted on going for a few jars, Pathetic! She would be horrified and really worried if she found out.
This is easily the 6th time i have done this in the last few months, i want to stop it, it's pathetic, i'm only 29 and shouldn't be this way. It's like as soon as i've had two pints i actually can't stop until i am well pissed. I have friends and family members who rarely drink and some who never touch drink and I am always jealous of them. I've managed to abstain for a few weeks at a time on a few occasions but i go back as bad as ever even though i always say the period of abstaining will be the start of a big cut in my drinking. It never works out that way.
Don't really know what kind of advice or support i'm hoping to get here, i just felt i had to get this off my chest.

Is there a hobby that you had in Cork that you could do in Dublin to take up the time that you would spend in the pub?

James W

Just from your last few lines - are you saying that when you drink in any situation you cannot stop till your jarred or is just when you go out alone? Have you had issues with drink before now or is this a new thing?

Like, your girlfriend is only away for two days - can you manage to occupy yourself and be in your own company for two days?

Regarding the people you work with, why do you avoid socialising with these people? The fact that you don't drink at home but go out, even by yourself, would suggest that at some level you crave company. I'm surprised after a few pints that you care who sees you or who you meet!

Usually people drink to excess in order to get release from some internal pain or loneliness. It's as if they want to escape from themselves. I just sense that there is something else going on here but I'm not sure what it is.

The next time you're alone and feel this urge use your willpower to do something else - the gym, cinema, a few friends you can hang out with - or go home to Cork. If you can do this a few times you will break the habit or cycle.

Miss Fluff

You need something to keep you occupied at the weekends? Do you play sport? Most rugby clubs organise a game at the weekends and most gyms have 5-a-side, would you not think of joining a team? Also why is your girlfriend going home every second weekend?

James W

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You need something to keep you occupied at the weekends? Do you play sport? Most rugby clubs organise a game at the weekends and most gyms have 5-a-side, would you not think of joining a team? Also why is your girlfriend going home every second weekend?

His gf going home isn't the issue! Most people can spend time alone without going out and getting jarred!

quartz1

i would just suggest that if you could figure out why you feel like drinking that it might be helpfull to you. I would be looking for an unnderlying reason in your life. The problem for you going forward is that if you develop a drink problem then the real problem will get buried even deeper.

daisybelle2008

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You need something to keep you occupied at the weekends? Do you play sport? Most rugby clubs organise a game at the weekends and most gyms have 5-a-side, would you not think of joining a team? Also why is your girlfriend going home every second weekend?

She is allowed see her family and have other interests, surely that should have no bearing on his issue. He shouldn't need minding.

OP, the suggestions of a hobby and excellent. There are many, many activities going on, hill-walking, kayaking, running, 5-aside, cycling, that people of all ages and abilities can take part.

I took up a water sport 6 months ago and barely have a minute to myself @ weekends, can barely fit in a social life!

qwertytlk

From what yiu say it seems that if you had something else to do then this wouldnt be an issue? So go find something else to do! You have friends at home, so why not go with your gf some weekends and meet up with your old friends, see your family etc. Invite your friends up to you for the weekend, im sure they would love a weekend in dublin. Try and arrange to meet up with work friends. Join a club, a gym, a class of some sort. You mentioned music, could you not take up some extra activity to do with music? Any or all of the above will keep you busy, out of the pub on your own and will even give you a chance of meeting new friends.