Can you love someone you haven't met?

LegacyUser

Well I'm wondering what people's opinion on this is. Do you think its possible to really love someone without having met them?

I think this has happened to me. I've been chatting (online, phone etc) with a girl for quite a while now and we both think we love each other. We are extremely close even though we haven't met. (We tell each other everything)

We will see each other soon enough. We live close to each other really, but it hasn't been possible to see each other.

The one thing I'm worried about is, that because I haven't met her, that I'm just believing she is amazing even though she may not be at all. (Though I'm pretty sure she is..) I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here...

I hope this doesn't seem like a stupid post as this is really important to me.

Thanks guys.

kknapp21

I think it is. Do you know what each other looks like? honestly internet relationships are more stronger as you are going by personality and get to really know what the person is like. If you love her then the best of luck to both of you

gmac102

they say there is a different between being in love and loving someone so i say yes its very possible you do love her but are u in love with her without meeting her i dont think so, id say you'd have to see how u both get on in person, chemistry! etc etc

it is also possible you love the idea of the woman you have imagined in your head, just putting that out there

good luck i hope you get what ur looking for

gud4u

I think it's possible, you're getting to know each other before meeting. I guess it'll come down to whether you'll be physically atracted to each other after that.

You can tell us in a few weeks:)

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

Yeah we both know what each other looks like and we like each other that way too, not just personalities

LegacyUser

Hey, OP,
I'd say go for it. I met my OH online and we fell in love before we eventually met in person (which took several months as we're from different countries). We used text and video chat and it really "worked" for us. When we met in person the only difference was that we could finally hold each other (which was very special, of course). So in short I think it can definitely happen. In fact, I think it can be very good in the sense that it creates a strong relationship based on aspects other than the physical (at first) and that's very important if the relationship is to last, in my opinion. So I wish you all the best and I hope you find all the happiness I have.

LegacyUser

happenedtome

thanks I hope things can work out as good for me.

nice to hear a success story

beks101

Not to burst your bubble OP, but I'm pretty sure you can't.

You can be infatuated, obsessed, mesmerised, and feel a deep connection with someone online/on the phone, but what happens face to face is what really counts.

Let me tell you a not-so-romantic story just for balance. I was in the very same situation as you, except it lasted for years. Three maybe, before we met face to face. A multitude of reasons really, bad timing, one of us was always in a relationship, we lived on opposite sides of the country and life took over. We were each other's 'crutch'. I told him things I'd never told anyone and he did the same. We knew each other, we 'got' each other. We spoke and laughed on the phone for hours. We exchanged photos, we sexted. I thought he was amazing, he thought I was awesome.

We met. He was good looking, he was funny, we had a lot to talk about, a lot in common...except chemistry. He felt like a long-lost brother. It was baffling to me really because on paper, and online he was everything I wanted...it just didn't translate to the real world. I didn't want to jump him, I didn't want to kiss him. That single meeting was probably one of the most disappointing episodes of my life and taught me a valuable lesson about internet romance.

It's dangerously easy to romanticise someone when you've never met them and don't have the full picture. Right now all you're getting are the good parts, because very few people represent themselves badly online when it comes to romance and relationships. You do a smashing PR job for yourself, just because you can, but eventually the real world has to intervene so you can see whether or not what you have is real. That's the litmus test and there's no getting around it.

So I'm not saying what you have with this girl is a farce, I'm saying until you meet face to face and see how you react to each other, how you feel around each other, how attracted you are to each other...you are basically blindfolded as far as love is concerned. You can't love her, because you can't fully know her from behind a computer screen.

mood

Why have you never meet if you live close to each other? Are one of you already in a relationship?

I think it is very possible one or both of you will not be interested once you meet. You probably are imagining them as you would like them to be. However, it is also possible it goes great. You just won't know until you actually meet.

LegacyUser

Thanks beks101.

To be honest, your story is pretty similar to mine, and I'm happy you have told it. That is kind of what I was getting at in my opening post.. She does seem like everything I want and she says she feels the same way about me, and I fully believe her. But I'm just worried that this may not materialise in real life.

But at the same time, I feel like there is no way that I wont love her when we meet. I feel like there is no doubt that I will. Did you feel like this too?

Thanks for telling your story, I know there's two sides to everything.

LegacyUser

And I know it may look like I'm contradicting myself with some things and this is confusing to understand. But believe me its complex as fcuk..

beks101

unregieee wrote: »

But at the same time, I feel like there is no way that I wont love her when we meet. I feel like there is no doubt that I will. Did you feel like this too?

Yup, I felt like meeting up was the next step in what would be a big milestone in my life :rolleyes:.

It was, but for the wrong reasons. From that moment I decided never to get into that situation again, because in hindsight I realised I had missed out on many other guys by banking on Mr Internet to be what I thought he would be in my life. Essentially, having feelings for this guy for so long put me through a wave of redundant emotions which detracted from my actual love life in the real world.

That's the danger. That you're wasting time clutching onto this dream that's based on a character that you have basically created in your own head. Perhaps this girl represents everything you want in a girl - and that may have more to do with you than who she actually is.

If I could have done anything differently, I would have made a concerted effort to meet up with my internet guy within weeks of talking to him. That would have put all my feelings to bed before they became as strong as they did and I could have avoided a lot of wasted energy and disappointment. I would strongly advise you to do the same. If you don't, you are basically putting your life on hold for what is essentially a stranger on the internet.

LegacyUser

Do you think its doomed to failure?
It just feels like it couldn't go wrong..

I'm also wondering how many times you met up with him..? Was it just the once?

Beruthiel

Love happens between two people after they have spent a prolonged amount of time together in real life OP.

Meeting someone over the net might lead to that, but again, it won't happen for real until you actually know each other after spending time together.

beks101

unregieee wrote: »

Do you think its doomed to failure?
It just feels like it couldn't go wrong..

I'm also wondering how many times you met up with him..? Was it just the once?

Just the once. It was enough to be honest, I'm pretty instinctive with these things and chemistry is either there or it's not, that's all there is to it.

It's a pretty important part of the equation that gets left out in the online world, that's why I'd never go that route again and that's why I think you need to meet up as a matter of priority.

I couldn't possibly know if it's doomed to failure, I just think it's important you have both sides so you realise that what you feel for this girl can't altogether be trusted until you have the full picture.

LegacyUser

I understand 100% what you are saying.

Thanks so much for the advice beks and everyone else too

I really hope things can work out for the best.

aidan24326

Can you love someone you haven't met?

Sorry OP but I'd have to reiterate what others have said, that no you can't. What you have with this girl is a connection that could very well lead to something more, but until the two of you actually come out from behind the computer screen and spend some time together you'll never know. So I'd say make that happen as soon as possible. It really could go either way after that, but there's only one way to find out.

LegacyUser

Yeah I think that is the best thing to do. I'm going to really push to meet up soon so we can really know for sure how we feel. Has anyone else had a similar experience?