Awkward Silences

LegacyUser

Right so I asked a girl i'm in college with out last week (I'm 23, she's 21). We didn't really know each other before then but she'd given me a few looks and I decided to chance my arm. We went on a date last week, went out with some friends at the weekend and went to the cinema at the start of the week. And obviously we see each other on a daily basis.

The problem is awkward silences. She seems to be a lovely girl, but I'm always the one trying to strike up a conversation. She seems rather shy, and being quite shy myself this is not the easiest thing to do, and occasionally we're just left with this incredibly obvious silence(looking at something in the room etc.) while one of us thinks of something to say. Does this have all the hallmarks of two people not 'clicking' or am I just not giving it time? She seems to really like me, but I haven't gone for a kiss yet in case I get myself deeper into something that may be destined to fail.

going un-reg

Hi OP,

I think this is really sweet actually, however awkward it can be! If you think she does like you a lot, then don't think that it's a case where you're not clicking, just think that she's just as nervous as you are, remember that. If you factor in that aspect, you should realize that in these circumstances, she's more than likely thinking she either doesn't know enough about you to strike up a conversation, or she's just worried she'll say something silly.

I'd persist with this, otherwise you'll kick yourself for not trying enough. Find out more about her, what she's interested in. The more you know about her, the more you can engage her with in conversation, and the more comfortable she'll be around you.

It's about making her feel like she can open up to you, so create a relaxed, welcoming atmosphere and you're set (either said than done, of course )

Stick with it dude, and you'll be fine

Good luck!

cd1985

Hi OP,

I think you should give her more time, I myself am like your girlfriend, I’m very shy around people I don’t really know. I have to be comfortable with people in order to have a proper conversation with them. When I first started going out with my boyfriend he too would have to fill in the awkward silences and keep the conversation going when we were out. But the more time we spent together the more relaxed and comfortable I became, the conversation flowed and my personality came out more. We are now better than ever and can have great fun together when we are out. I suggest just spending as much time as you can together alone so she becomes more comfortable around you and she will start to be herself. Good Luck!

neuro-praxis

Have a snog. Ye will loosen up in no time.

Either that or you're a crap match and it'll be over very soon.

analucija

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Have a snog. Ye will loosen up in no time.

Either that or you're a crap match and it'll be over very soon.

This. There are a lot of things you can do when you have nothing to talk about.

Seriously if you like her and can feel some attraction then its worth persisting. I've been stuck on dates when there was plenty of conversation and all I could think was I want to go home. And you usually know that you really like somebody when you have nothing to tell to each other and still there is no one you'd be rather with. You see those couples out sometimes when they sit together at the table, drink whatever they drink and stare at other people. (I used to call them sad old people until I became one of them).

Da Shins Kelly

You say you didn't really know each other before this and you chanced your arm over a few looks, so you still have a lot of getting to know each other to do. I don't think it's destined to fail, it just takes time to get to know someone new, especially romantically. I say bring her out a few more times (cinema is always good cos then you have something to talk about afterwards, and on nights out with your friends is good too as it's more casual and relaxed) and definitely go in for a kiss. If she's shy, it doesn't sound like she'll go for it herself, so you'll have to. She probably wants you to, but is too shy to say it or do it herself.