Dating more than 1 person

LegacyUser

Hi,
Just a question on "dating etiquette". I'm hoping for some balanced advice on this.

So it's been a while since my last relationship, wanting to get out there again I tried an online dating site. So it was difficult at first but it got better... I actually got a few numbers and dates lined up.

Anyway, there are 2 girls. I met the first on Monday night for a drink, we got on great and she was lovely. The second girl I met last week. Completely different girl but also really lovely.

So I don't really know what's "acceptable". I'm not going out with either yet, we just met for a drink once, so I'm thinking it would be ok to meet both a few times and see how its going. On the other hand I dont want to be a dick or anything and lead someone on or anything.

Does that make sense? What do people think. Is it ok to see them more? Should I only meet 1 and decide if I would like to see either of them again or is it ok to give it a few dates before knowing.

Any good advice? And I repeat, I don't want to be a dick to anyone, I'm just wondering how to decide which girl things might go somewhere with, and it's difficult after just meeting once, thats why I'm asking.

D

Well as far as I see you are still just dating. You can continue to date both of them but if you feel that a relationship is beginning to form or that one of the girls is becoming attached to you then you need to chose.

Edit: Just make sure you are honest with both of them and communicate. (I don't mean you have to tell them that you are dating other people but if they ask you should tell)

Edit2: By my edit above I mean that you shouldn't try to hide the fact that you are dating other people.

Miss Fluff

datingquestions wrote: »

Any good advice? And I repeat, I don't want to be a dick to anyone, I'm just wondering how to decide which girl things might go somewhere with, and it's difficult after just meeting once, thats why I'm asking.

I think it's totally ok to do this and as long as you're not a dick to anyone by misleading them/making false promises/still dating both when either party thinks it's developing into something when it's not. Then I think dating them more than once should be encouraged to be honest. Take things nice and easy and make an informed decision as you get to know them a little better. I would say if you start sleeping with one of them then I'd give the other the heave-ho as then it just becomes messy but for now, you've only had one date so give yourself a little bit of time to make a decision. The American way of dating is like this and there is a lot to be said for it tbh. I think having three glasses of wine with someone does not exclusivity make (:rolleyes:) so take your time and enjoy.

woodchuck

I’d love to be able to say I agree with the comments above… but if I was one of those girls and I found out you were dating someone else at the same time I’d be a bit put off, hurt or disappointed.

Like everybody said, just be honest and careful when it comes to dealing with feelings. If it looks like either of them are really into you should let them know that things are just casual as far as you’re concerned atm.

I wouldn’t let it go beyond 3 dates with both of them. I think by then you should have a good idea of who you’re more compatible with and make a decision.

jackhammer

I actually agree with Woodchuck.

I've used online dating. I've arranged a 1st date with more than one girl in the same week. I see no harm in that. But after those 1st dates, if I like both, I'll only ask one for a 2nd date (if she agrees). If that goes well, I reckon you'll both know that night if there'll be a 3rd. If not, and the other girl is still available, I'd ask her for a 2nd date.

In my experience, a lot of girls on dating sites are wary of players, and OP, you may be open to that suspicion if either girl (2nd date or 3rd date) finds out you're at the same stage with another. Just my opinion, mind. Best of luck:)

LegacyUser

Hi all,
Thanks for the balanced advice.
As I said, I don't want to be a dick or lead anyone on. I wouldnt say it's a position I'm used to being in.

I don't necessarily like sleeping around or anything but I also know the dangers of jumping into a relationship just because I could. That's why I thought it would be a good idea to try and get to know both a little more and hope I naturally gravitate more to one or the other.

Who knows, nothing might come of either. The first meetings went well but as I said they are both different but both great in their own way and I'd like to get to know both a little more to see what feels right.

I guess the limit as you said is sleeping with them. If it got that far with one I'd need to face up and stop it but meeting a few times is probably ok.

Thanks for the advice. I was afraid of being flamed as a player or something.

LovelyLottie

Totally ok to go on dates with a few different people in the beginning. I have done this. Especially with online dating; in fact i think it's the only way to do online dating so you don't get overly excited about one date in particular and build up your hopes. You're complete strangers for the 1st date, and only really going on a proper 1st date the 2nd time you meet. If i see someone for a third date then i stop arranging to meet others.

To avoid being considered a d1ck, make a decision after your second/third dates with the girls. Beyond a third date feelings can start to develop. Enjoy

snafuk35

Nothing wrong with it once you make it clear that it's just fun from the get go.
Lots of women start thinking you are in love with them when you might be seeing several girls at once if they don't know you are seeing other women. Honesty is the best policy. Be up front and unapologetic about it. If the girl gets upset and tries to force you to commit when you don't want to just walk away. By letting her know from the get go she has the option of backing off with out getting hurt if she doesn't want anything casual.
However if you do meet a girl who you think might be worth the effort of a relationship well just drop the rest of the girls right away. It's easier to do that when you have already made it clear what you are at. They won't be upset when you stop calling although the odd one will be clingy and you have to just break all contact when they do that for their own good.
If things don't work with a girl you were prepared to commit to, then you can always pick up where you left off because nobody's feelings were hurt.

LegacyUser

snafuk35 you just made so much sense. Ive been trying to understand the whole dating scenario myself as a girl, and I think I might have been one of those ladies you are talking about (he stops contact, but you dont really get it or understand why). Its like a game or something but where you can get hurt if you start developing feelings. Ive never seen it from such a point of view. Actually quite refreshing.