Alcoholic Father - what happens next?

LegacyUser

Hi folks.
Im not a regular poster here I just drop by from time to time.

My father (66) is an alcoholic. Hes been in hospital with acute pnuemonia since October 2011. He's spent 100 of those days in Intensive Care, and has just recently recovered enough to be moved out of ICU and into the wards.
There were several times where the doctors in ICU called us in to say he wouldnt make it. But he did, and here we are.
When he was admitted he was malnourished, and in very bad health along with the pnuemonia and all because of the drink. His drinking included 6 x bottles of cheap spirits per week, beer at home, and beer in the pub. He would go to the pub every day, sleep half the day away and be up all night drinking.
As part of his treatment in ICU he was detoxed from the alcohol so he has none in his system at the moment.
Now, we tried everything to get him to see sense and it never worked. The man has nearly died and hes still maintaining that he doesnt have a problem. He says he'll drink 'shandies' when he goes out.
He cant even walk yet and hes already in his head planning on returning to his 'routine' when he gets home.
Needless to say Im worried and my family is worried about what happens when he gets discharged. The team in the hospital has told us the the psychiatric team will be looking at him due to his behaviour - still its hard not to worry.
In my humble opinion due to his personal and family history the man is depressed and has been for years. Hes been self medicating with the drink to ease this.
I guess what Im posting this for is to see has anyone any ideas about what I and my family should do next? Is there an organisation that we could call for guidance?
My Dad is still in hospital and will be for another while but he will eventually be discharged.
Im most concerned about my sweetheart mother. She has a heart of gold and has suffered for years with this controlling alcoholic husband, as have the rest of us. Has anyone any advise or wisdom on this?
Thanks in advance

username123

alcoholic father wrote: »

I guess what Im posting this for is to see has anyone any ideas about what I and my family should do next? Is there an organisation that we could call for guidance?
My Dad is still in hospital and will be for another while but he will eventually be discharged.
Im most concerned about my sweetheart mother. She has a heart of gold and has suffered for years with this controlling alcoholic husband, as have the rest of us. Has anyone any advise or wisdom on this?
Thanks in advance

Hi OP,
My own father was an alcoholic and there are many similarities in his story with your fathers.

Im really sorry to tell you this, but there is nothing you and your family can really do except to learn how to stop enabling your fathers alcoholism.
The best organisation to contact for your family is Alanon - go to a local meeting and learn how best to cope. I must stress that Alanon is not for your father, its for you and your family.

Your own perception is skewed on this also from living so closely with it. I also used to think I had a sweetheart mother with a heart of gold, then I realised that in fact my mother had a co-dependant relationship with my father, to the detriment of her children. She was the biggest enabler of all. She could have chosen to leave and give us a better life away from active alcoholism, but she chose him over us. As a result the entire family was damaged and blown apart. There is damage that is passing on through generations. So be aware that everyone involved has a role to play in this, and that for the most part the roles are not as you perceive them to be.

A start for you might be to read this. It helps to see how the enabling is happening and how the family members play their own role.

I know from what you are saying that your father has no intention of not drinking, shandies my backside - thats just the usual drivel that will be said to appease and shut up the people around him.

The hospital may order a psych consult but from experience they will not do anything to help him as it has to come from him. Its not a crime to be an alcoholic nor is it considered something that a psychriatrist deals with. Your father will no doubt play along and deny deny deny everything, including depression and simply say what people want him to say to manipulate the situation back into getting to alcohol. On one memorable occasion my own father escaped hospital wearing a pajamas and tricked a taximan into bringing him home, then tricked a window cleaner into letting him climb up a ladder so that he could break in a bedroom window to get to a bottle of vodka that was hidden in the bedroom. Luckily a neighbour intervened before he was able to climb the ladder, he was totally malnourished, yellow from liver damage and basically looked like Father Jack - that was his reality. He cared about nothing except the next drink.

Im sorry if I paint a depressing picture, one of the hardest part to all of this is the acceptance that there is nothing you can do, it has to come from the alcoholic.
However, Alanon will give you the tools you need to deal with the situation, it would be good if the whole family went to it, but even just you to go will help you.

Good luck, its an awful insiduous disease/condition that destroys everyone around the alcoholic as well as the alcoholic themself.

C-J

Op, i'm the daughter of an alcoholic (sober for fourteen years but still an alcoholic). I also work in drug services so feel free to pm me i know its a difficult and sensitive situation x

LegacyUser

Thank you for the replies folks, will take on board what youve said. Im aware that my mother has been an enabler to a certain extent, as have the rest of us.
Its going to be tough when he does get out, and I thinik i will go to al anon to get some advise.
Alcolohism is such an insidious thing, it eats away at a family until theres nothing left. Theres such a problem with drink in this country its shocking. Ive seen first hand the consequences physically and mentally on someone that drinks and its terrifying.
Thank you again for the replies, it helps to verbalise it, even if it is only through the computer.

C-J

C-J wrote: »

Op, i'm the daughter of an alcoholic (sober for fourteen years but still an alcoholic). I also work in drug services so feel free to pm me i know its a difficult and sensitive situation x

I appreciate the intent to help, but please note that requests for PMs are against the charter.

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