Does he really like me or just using me?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I know its impossible for people to tell me what another is really thinking but just looking to get some opinions...

I have been seeing this guy since last Oct. We have been good friends for 10 years and share all the same friends too. We have always had a bit of a spark between us but for one reason or another never really got together until now.

At the start he would make all the first moves, ie txting, asking me out for drinks and things seemed to be going really well. We spent alot of time with eachother over christmas and he even bought me a beautiful watch ( which i was not expecting anything!) I then did not see him for 3 weeks, although we had been in regular contact in between. The thing thats bothering me is everytime we do meet up we have sex (bar 3 times) and he hasnt asked me out on a "proper date" in a few weeks. We text eachother probably every second day and he seems into me but I'm wondering now have I fallen into the "friends with benefits" trap?? Any thoughts?? I know its only early days so i dont really want to ask him what the story is but how can i tell if he is really into me or not?

IrishEyes19

I think pro active is always the better option. you want a date out....ask him. Arrange dinner out or a cinema trip and dont have sex afterwards but say how you really enjoyed the night, should do it again. then it is on his shoulders to arrange the next one. We truly do set the standards for ourselves and believe it or not, the people we date will tune into that.

A lot of people myself included used to complain how a guy isnt treating them right ect.....and 90 percent of the time, its not their fault, but ten percent of that is because we continue to see the people who dont live up. We control who we want to see.....so if they arent delivering, stop seeing them until they do.

Miss Fluff

Why did three weeks elapse without you seeing one another? Was one of you out of the country or something?

And how come you're only ending up having sex when you see one another? Does he only come around late at night? How long is it since you had a date?

From the scant information you have provided he doesn't sound all that pushed tbh. It's normally glaringly obvious when a guy is interested by the amount of effort he puts in. A few texts every few days does not amount to him being particularly keen - it requires no effort.

And if you're not happy with meeting him just for sex then you need to stop doing so. You're title of Does he really like me or just using me? doesn't really wash with me as you're actually facilitating his behaviour. When a woman complains a guy is using her it's normally because she is allowing it to happen.

LegacyUser

OP here-
Thanks for the replies. It's not that we are only meeting for sex but we will go out/stay in and have drinks either with friends or just us and one thing will lead to another. No, he doesnt only come round late at night. On a few occasions we have gone out on the Friday and stayed with eachother until the Sunday night so I dont feel that he is just using me for sex that night and then getting rid of me as soon as possible. The three weeks elapsed due to working different shifts than eachother and just generally being busy with our own lives.

I totally agree with your point that I am allowing this to happen and that I am facilitating his behaviour too. Suppose with things like these, they have already happened before you have realised that they are happening! I think i will just cool it off and see what happens while being aware not to make the same mistake. whats ment to be will be. thanks again

Miss Fluff

Fair play, if you don't like his behaviour or you feel he isn't giving you what you need then just don't tolerate it. I think all too often (and I've been guilty of it with some of the toads I've kissed along the way) is that in our anxiety to maintain the status quo we often sacrifice our own needs and wants. Also, while these things are very individual to the two people involved, you have been seeing each other now since October and we're now at the end of January, so nearly four months. You're well within your rights to know whether this is a purely casual arrangement or not at this stage....

Missy Moo Moo

To be fair, if he's spent from Friday to Sunday with you, thats hardly indicative of just using you for sex? If he was, he'd be gone in the morning with some spurious excuse.

All the same, you are entitled to ask him if you're his girlfriend. Miss Fluff is absolutely spot on about how we get caught in the trap of not asking to not upset the status quo. If he tells you it's just casual, walk away. Nothing sexier and more empowering than knowing what you want.