Can't flirt or chat up girls

LegacyUser

Hi all. I've been single for the last 8 months or so having been dumped by my ex of two years, because I wasn't good enough for her (her words) or some nonsense like that.
Obviously that's affected my self esteem but I'm getting better and better.
I haven't had so much as a peck on the cheek since her, and it's getting me down. I can burn the ears off anyone usually, and many times I've been out and will talk to girls for ages and have them laughing etc, but then when I run out of stuff to say or conversation goes flat I just say something like "ok i better go back to my friends nice talking to you".
So women seem to like me but I don't know how to flirt or come onto them.
From what I gather, women seem to like banter, "cheeky" guys, and being teased. My friends who can pick up girls whenever they want (most of them married now) are masters at this.
It is just not part of my personality to be this way, and I can't fake it either. I've tried internet dating and sent 100s of messages but no one replies, and I've tried all kinds of approaches and profile improvements. Even on the internet most are looking for "banter", cheeky guys etc.
Believe me I'm quite funny and witty, a lot of people tell me I should do stand up, I've a good income and job, so I just don't know what on earth is wrong. There was a girl posting on boards yesterday complaining that her boyfriend keeps bottles of piss in his room and doesn't wash - so even guys like that can get girls but not me?
I'm a good looking guy and in really good shape, I work out most days. I'm 32.

So how do you go from having just talking to girls in the bar to wearing the face off them, basically?! It used to just happen when I was younger but I don't know where I'm going wrong anymore...
Thanks

gmac102

i like when guys are themselves and wouldnt take a guy serious if he just wanted to wear the face of me unless of course i just wanted a ons!


if your talking to them they are interested, get their numbers women love a guy who isnt afraid to take risks!

Humria

If you are talking to girls for ages they are obviously interested. So, imo, you've got the hardest part out of the way! Therefore you can chat up girls. You are just falling at the final hurdle really.

I'd suggest when you are talking to a girl, make body contact during conversation, for example, touch her arm as you are chatting. See how she reacts and if it's positive move a bit closer. I think you just need to get into a closer physical proximity and make a move! Flirting is about letting someone know you are attracted to them so even just telling a girl that is flirting.

So basically, my advice is just to be clearer about your intentions, even if that means just saying it out straight. Then see how she reacts and if she looks pleased about it - go for it!

Scanlas The 2nd

You're turning them off by letting the windows of oppurtunity close. Introduce sexual tension. Look at her lips occasionally. Tell her mid conversation you've no idea what she just said as you got distracted by her lips for example and immediately move on to new topic. Do not look for reactions. Take the lead. Touch her early on and increase it as you are talking. When she likes she'll be standing closer and closer and her eyes will be wide open and smiling. Your friends are good at "banter" and "cheeky" because they focus on enjoying themsleves and amusing themselves first and foremost. If chatting up women is hard work you are doing it wrong. Make it fun, say and do what is amusing to YOU. Women love it when you do that.

nowyouresix

Es geht nicht.... Wearing the face off a girl???? Lol lol lol.... Haven't heard that terminology since teenage times....lol lol lol

If you are chatting up a lady , and she's reciprocating the chat, why not move closer to her, if she doesn't take a step back, then she's comfortable with you... You could just whisper in her ear that you would like to kiss her! Simple. I don't think most girls your age really want the face worn off them.... Kiss her slowly and gently! Das geht!!
Good luck

ButterflyABC

esgehtnicht wrote: »

Hi all. I've been single for the last 8 months or so having been dumped by my ex of two years, because I wasn't good enough for her (her words) or some nonsense like that.
Obviously that's affected my self esteem but I'm getting better and better.
I haven't had so much as a peck on the cheek since her, and it's getting me down. I can burn the ears off anyone usually, and many times I've been out and will talk to girls for ages and have them laughing etc, but then when I run out of stuff to say or conversation goes flat I just say something like "ok i better go back to my friends nice talking to you".
So women seem to like me but I don't know how to flirt or come onto them.
From what I gather, women seem to like banter, "cheeky" guys, and being teased. My friends who can pick up girls whenever they want (most of them married now) are masters at this.
It is just not part of my personality to be this way, and I can't fake it either. I've tried internet dating and sent 100s of messages but no one replies, and I've tried all kinds of approaches and profile improvements. Even on the internet most are looking for "banter", cheeky guys etc.
Believe me I'm quite funny and witty, a lot of people tell me I should do stand up, I've a good income and job, so I just don't know what on earth is wrong. There was a girl posting on boards yesterday complaining that her boyfriend keeps bottles of piss in his room and doesn't wash - so even guys like that can get girls but not me?
I'm a good looking guy and in really good shape, I work out most days. I'm 32.

So how do you go from having just talking to girls in the bar to wearing the face off them, basically?! It used to just happen when I was younger but I don't know where I'm going wrong anymore...
Thanks

Scary, I read that too about the guy who keeps bottles of piss, gross!!

Do you not get a vibe off girls when you chat to them that they are interested or not? Usually you can tell by the way a guy looks at you if he's interested or not, make eye contact it gives a lot away I think. Don't just go in for the kill, let it be known in a subtle way that you like them. Nothing worse than a guy that's too confident either but as you said girls do like guys good with banter so you have that gift, you're half way there!

blue skye

I would say keep your cheeky side (coz us girls like that! - When your out!!!!) As for the online dating, I would keep it VERY calm - I've done online dating in the past and some guy's come on far too strong too quickly!! I love a bit of banter but if I don't hear any sexual references then I'm all for it! I.E A DATE!!! Good Luck!

LegacyUser

Danke alle!
I was just messing with the wearing the face off thing. What I mean is like how do you get the sexual thing introduced if you've been talking to someone for ages. It's easy with some girls if they're flirting with you etc and touching you, but I was never able to go in for the kill unless i was 100% sure she wanted me to.
Oh and I don't come on strong quickly in any circumstances, with internet dating I just tried the hello how are you I see you like this or that, kind of approach, while maybe dropping a drop or witticism in here or there! It just didn't work for me, must be too ugly , or maybe bad photos! I thought I looked good in them though...
Ok next time I'm out I'm just going to throw caution to the wind and see what happens, that's what my friends do, it's not like you'll see them again anyway!

Scanlas The 2nd

esgehtnicht wrote: »

Danke alle!
I was just messing with the wearing the face off thing. What I mean is like how do you get the sexual thing introduced if you've been talking to someone for ages. It's easy with some girls if they're flirting with you etc and touching you, but I was never able to go in for the kill unless i was 100% sure she wanted me to.
Oh and I don't come on strong quickly in any circumstances, with internet dating I just tried the hello how are you I see you like this or that, kind of approach, while maybe dropping a drop or witticism in here or there! It just didn't work for me, must be too ugly , or maybe bad photos! I thought I looked good in them though...
Ok next time I'm out I'm just going to throw caution to the wind and see what happens, that's what my friends do, it's not like you'll see them again anyway!

You definitely should sexualise your conversation. But in a an arousing way, not a sleazy way. You must be non needy when sexualising the conversation otherwise you become a creep. A simple comment such as " I hate you ........ That smile is way too sexy" does the job for example, but never wait for a reaction, just move on with conversation. Be relaxed all the time and enjoy. Your problem i would guess is that you have normal conversations with women. By the time you are thinking how do I move this forward she is already turned off you. From the very start touch her, tease her, be flirty, be a bit edgy, and keep the interaction getting more intimate as it progresses. If you stay talking as a friend in the se gets turned off you as she knows you are interested sexually but don't have the balls to do anything about it. You need to get in the mindset where you are being assertive and less passive, make her make the decision to reject you. Don't fukc about in no mans land. If you say what you are thinking and do what amuses you, you will be more authentic and naturally come across mor flirty and edgy. You are naturally cheeky, it's a natural instinct you need to resurrect.