He just walked out on LTR

LegacyUser

Hi
My boyfriend just walked out on me and I'm gutted.

We've not been getting on for a while now but this part just hurts so much and even though he's only been gone less than an hour I have that horrible feeling in my heart, it feels like a physical pain.

I don't live near family and have only 2 friends I can talk to (they're mutual friends too which makes it hard)

I need some encouraging words to help me get through this. We've been growing apart for a while but bought a house together 2 months ago in paradise as we thought our own place would relieve work stresses. It obviously hasn't worked.

Fast forward to a huge row last night over nothing (he drinks heavily, but as they say the truth comes out when your drunk) and a walk out this morning.

We've had issues over his drinking before, and he would quit or slow down for a while but it always comes back and hits a peak again like now. He has been blaming work stresses lately for his excessive drinking but I'm more inclined to think he's been drinking more as he was not happy in our relationship.

One part of me feels relief now as I feel like I was walking on egg shells for ages while we were trying to make 'it work' but the other part has lost my best friend, he would be the first person I called and now I have no one to talk to.

Luckily I have the day off today to lick my wounds but I guess the best thing now is to keep busy.
In a way it doesn't feel real and I haven't cried yet but I know that part is coming.

We havily invested financially together, like any LTR and thinking of sorting all that out is giving me a headache.

Please reply

Heavy12heart

LegacyUser

Thank you for the reply sunflower27, it really helps to hear you're not the only one that is going through, or has gone through this. I have since talked to my mum which was a big help (she's in a different time zone), all I want at the moment is a big hug from mammy and a cuppa tae, she laughed when I told her that!

She tried to reassure me that he'll be back for a 'talk' but I don't know if I want to try to make it work again. You hit the nail on the head when you said its a roller-coaster.....man the ups and downs are unbelievable. He said the other day he is sick of drinking but yet he hasn't tried to cut down.

We had a conversation 2 weeks ago about us and agreed to try and make it work but I feel like I was putting in the majority of the effort. From sex to suggesting a combined hobby once a week to cooking dinners and lunch, tidy house, clothes ready, a good little wifey woman *sarcasm intended* but you know.......the rest is history.

I've found a good bit of material to help get over a break - meditation, positive thought, mind and body healing. I have a tendency toward depression but can usually keep this under control by keeping busy and positive thought exercises.

One thing I read that struck a chord is people just after a breakup are not seeking advise, but rather reassurance that everything will be ok. There is soooooo much to live for, just need to take time to unknot my gut and fill in this hole that this mornings explosion has left in my chest.

Its been a long day

LegacyUser

So.....back at work today. I took a few sleeping tablets last night as I just couldn't cope with spending the night tossing and turning and thinking. It worked, knocked me out solid. I didn't wake up until the alarm went off this morning. I feel a bit woozy and out of it today after them but that I can deal with.

Plus its a Friday so I'm heading off to my friends house for the weekend. Some R&R, play with her baby. get some shopping in!!

As for him, he was out yesterday (at a bbq, fairly hammered from what I hear), found him sleeping on the couch on my way out to work this morning, he's missing from his work today.......... he seems hell bent on pushing the self-destruct.

IrishEyes19

Heavy12heart wrote: »

So.....back at work today. I took a few sleeping tablets last night as I just couldn't cope with spending the night tossing and turning and thinking. It worked, knocked me out solid. I didn't wake up until the alarm went off this morning. I feel a bit woozy and out of it today after them but that I can deal with.

Plus its a Friday so I'm heading off to my friends house for the weekend. Some R&R, play with her baby. get some shopping in!!

As for him, he was out yesterday (at a bbq, fairly hammered from what I hear), found him sleeping on the couch on my way out to work this morning, he's missing from his work today.......... he seems hell bent on pushing the self-destruct.

OP, I really agree with Sunflower, even if your relationship was the most amazing arguement free relationship in the world prior to his drinking. Drinking problems, 90% of the time cause serious problems within relationships. It's devestating firstly to see your partner go down that route, secondly, its frightening as it really alters their moods, actions and personality and often they do things they would never have done had drink not been involved but most of all, if you considered having a family with this man, could you really bring children up in that environment.

You sound very brave in my opinion and it must be devestating for you. But keep a clear head and dont accept anything less than a proper talk should you wish to have it. People wont ever change unless they want it themselves and your bf does not sound like he is anywhere near it. It also isnt your responsibility anymore to do so, you clearly have tried to and it hasnt worked. Maybe this seperation will awaken him to reality but in the meantime you need to care for yourself right now.

Memnoch

OP be very careful with sleeping tablets. If they are stilnoct or zimovane or any of that class of drugs, and you take them for more than a week or two, you can get addicted to them. They stop working after a while but you still end up taking them due to the physical addiction.

GPs hand out these things like smarties. Xanax etc. Be careful with them. If you are consistently having trouble sleeping you should look up sleep hygiene. You can ask your GP to refer you to a community psychiatric nurse as they provide excellent education and support on these issues.