Ex of 5 years is still contacting me?

laura3

Hi,

I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years just over a week ago. I still love him and I think he still loves me. The reason for our breaking up was he wanted to travel while I can't because of certain circumstances. I begged him not to break up with me but he said he needed to do this and would regret it if he didn't. He made this decision whilst he was angry.

A day or two passed and then he started texting and calling, wondering how I am and just normal stuff. I replied back and tried to act as if I had now come to terms with his decision. Then one day I asked him again not to go but he said he had to. So I told him I accepted it but that I need my space and I'm going to get on with my life. He has since text and emailed me quite a number of times, I've replied to all but remained firm on it that I was looking forward to getting on with my life.

The thing is I still love this guy, I want to be with him and if it wasn't for this traveling business I think we would still be together. What is the best way to play this? I know if I chase him he will run but is there even a point or should I just move on and forget about him? Why is he still contacting me?

Please, any help would be sooo good. Thanks

he wants to feel better about himself dumping you by reassuring himself you're a/ still ok and b/ still available if he decides to pick you up again once he's bothered

if he were interested in being with you, he would be. he isn't.

tell him to stop contacting you and stop replying to him

I am a friend

Stop replying to him. The more you reply the better he feels and the more able he is to leave you.

Cold turkey and let him know what it's really like to lose you.

tbh

no contact whatsoever for three months. If you're still interested after that, then there may be something there. He's feeling awful for hurting you, probably genuinely, and contacting you helps him deal with that, but it isn't about what's best for him, it's whats best for you.
He's actually being quite selfish. Tell him not to contact you, and most importantly: don't answer his calls, delete his texts without reading them.

If, after a couple of weeks, he decides he still wants to go travelling, then he's made his choice, and you're already getting over him.

Oryx

He is letting himself down gently here. I wouldnt see the calls and emails as being for your benefit, they are for his. You are still there for him because he is used to that, and he is taking advantage of it. He shouldnt get to do that, as its wrecking your head. As bluewolf said, I wouldnt reply to him anymore, unless to tell him not to contact you. Its unfair as it is prolonging the breakup agony for you. Let him go do his travel and sort himself out. I think it is true that he needs to do it or he will always regret not taking the chance. I would imagine he is torn over leaving you alright, but he has made his decision quite clear. He now needs to leave you alone.

laura3

Thanks for all the advice guys, its much appreciated. In my last few replies I have only told him how I am doing and that I am looking forward to getting over him and moving on. My only fear is if we do break up for say 3 months what happens in the meantime will be irreversible. If I get with people or if he does then I don't think there will be any turning back. If he does go then I can't see any way of us getting back together. If deep down he does want to be together then is ignoring him the best way for him to see it or is trying to show him how good we can be together a better option?

Oryx

laura3 wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice guys, its much appreciated. In my last few replies I have only told him how I am doing and that I am looking forward to getting over him and moving on. My only fear is if we do break up for say 3 months what happens in the meantime will be irreversible. If I get with people or if he does then I don't think there will be any turning back. If he does go then I can't see any way of us getting back together. If deep down he does want to be together then is ignoring him the best way for him to see it or is trying to show him how good we can be together a better option?

You have to let him go. Stop hoping, or trying to get him back. It sounds harsh to say it like that, but you cant make him do anything and as I said earlier, he has decided not to be with you. Anything could happen in the future but you cant put your life on hold waiting for something that may never happen. It doesnt matter how good you both might have been, he doesnt want that right now. Dont chase him, hold your head up, keep your dignity, use this as a chance to do new things in YOUR life.

laura3

laura3 wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice guys, its much appreciated. In my last few replies I have only told him how I am doing and that I am looking forward to getting over him and moving on. My only fear is if we do break up for say 3 months what happens in the meantime will be irreversible. If I get with people or if he does then I don't think there will be any turning back. If he does go then I can't see any way of us getting back together. If deep down he does want to be together then is ignoring him the best way for him to see it or is trying to show him how good we can be together a better option?

laura, you keep talking as if something you can do will make or break the relationship. but it's already over. you may not see yourselves getting back together if he goes but... he's already dumped you. he's already made it clear the relationship is over. there is nothing you can do now but move on, forget him, and possibly, possibly revisit the whole thing in a few months.