Most Polite way to Advise New Older Couple re their house etiquette (note or verbal)

ronan45

Hey People Im wondering how to approach some problems I am having with a couple that recently moved in. I really dont want to come across as snotty or rude or petty with them. Mainly they have a habit of Slamming every door in the house to the extent of waking the other house mates up and me. They both sit with their shoes up on the new sofa if not sofa the coffee table. They leave the sink full of food (stuck in the drain) as they dont bother to clean the food off the dishes before washing.
This couple happen to be nearly ten years older than me. How would you go about politely advising them re the above without seeming a wanker. To be honest my main gripe are the doors being lashed the other stuff i can live with! I dont want them to think im being petty but its beginning to grate on me (regular door lashings both the main door and internal doors). I was thinking a note on the door or would it be best to ask one or both of them for a quick word some morning when other house mates have left. If it gonna cause animosity I would rather bite my tongue as i dont want to live in a bad atmosphere! I TOTALLY want to avoid strife or grief and want to get on with this couple. Maybe Im being silly but as the landlord I feel slightly odd asking a couple a lot older than me how to be mannerly in a shared home any advice? I am thinking to A leave a polite note stuck on the door or hall stand saying "please make sure to close doors quietly as banging doors can disturb other housemates"
Or should i be just upfront and say it to their faces politely of course!

mikemac1

Notes are an awful idea

They'll come home, find a note and then could spend a few hours mulling it over and then explode when you come home.
Every word and comma is analyzed, hidden messages and double meanings are "found" and insults are discovered where there was none
Personal issues forum is clogged full of threads about facebook messages

For me anyway, I hate notes from housemates, breakups by text and emails from the boss. If someone wants to say something, just talk to me

And you should do the same

Just speak them "have you got a second, few things I need to discuss" and straight out and say it firmly

celticcrash

When you know that they are asleep, slam your bed room door, than walk
out the frount door making sure if the bedroom door did not wake them the frount door will.

djimi

No magic solution; speak to them and ask them to have some consideration for the other housemates and not so slam doors. Take it from there and see how you get on. No point dancing around the issue and most people would prefer someone to say it to their face when they have a problem with them.

Stavro Mueller

Definitely face to face. I'm a real night-owl and a few years ago was in a house-share. I noticed one of my house-mates becoming a bit frosty towards me. One day she took me aside and told me that I was clattering around the house and making noise very late when she was trying to get to sleep. We were both a bit embarrassed about the conversation, I apologised and made sure not to do it again. After a few days of feeling a bit awkward, things got back to normal.

handlemaster

ronan45 wrote: »

Hey People Im wondering how to approach some problems I am having with a couple that recently moved in. I really dont want to come across as snotty or rude or petty with them. Mainly they have a habit of Slamming every door in the house to the extent of waking the other house mates up and me. They both sit with their shoes up on the new sofa if not sofa the coffee table. They leave the sink full of food (stuck in the drain) as they dont bother to clean the food off the dishes before washing.
This couple happen to be nearly ten years older than me. How would you go about politely advising them re the above without seeming a wanker. To be honest my main gripe are the doors being lashed the other stuff i can live with! I dont want them to think im being petty but its beginning to grate on me (regular door lashings both the main door and internal doors). I was thinking a note on the door or would it be best to ask one or both of them for a quick word some morning when other house mates have left. If it gonna cause animosity I would rather bite my tongue as i dont want to live in a bad atmosphere! I TOTALLY want to avoid strife or grief and want to get on with this couple. Maybe Im being silly but as the landlord I feel slightly odd asking a couple a lot older than me how to be mannerly in a shared home any advice? I am thinking to A leave a polite note stuck on the door or hall stand saying "please make sure to close doors quietly as banging doors can disturb other housemates"
Or should i be just upfront and say it to their faces politely of course!

Regardless of the ages of the couple your talking about basic manners. I'd say by the sounds of what you are saying they would have had this mentioned to them before. Or if could be a case that they know no different and are first time renters not knowing how to behave in public.

TwoShedsJackson

Leaving a note without talking to them first about it is very passive-aggressive and quite likely to piss them off, which you don't want.

Next time you see them just politely mention that door slamming noises are travelling easily through the structure of the house and request them to go a bit easier.

90% of people won't realise they were disturbing you, will apologise and tone it down. The other 10% won't give a **** and if they're of that type, you'll just have to put up with it.

munkifisht

I was in a similar situation (and most people who rent with strangers do find themselves in this situation from time to time). It is really important here to play this with a large amount of tact and not to be aggressive or pushy, but at the same time you need to be pretty honest and let them know that there are things you are not happy with. You're going to be living with these people for a good while and minor issues need to be sorted out before they become real problems.

What I've done with new housemates is to call a house meeting and just lay down any problems everyone has (it might surprise you but they might have problems with you too). It's a really good idea after a week or two to clear any bad air rather than letting things linger. I give them the opportunity to speak about anything that bugs them first and then make absolutely sure I bite my lip, listen and understand and do not at all fly off the handle or try and explain my actions, I simply say "Oh, I didn't realise I was doing that, I'll make sure that I won't do that in future". I then wait for them to ask me, but if they seem to be forgetting to do that I pipe up and let them know the problem.

After the meeting I have a bottle of cold sparkling wine (Jacobs Creek, I'm not made of money) in the fridge and we pop the cork and toast a good couple of weeks together.

regress

Definitely not by note. Kind of thing that has to be done face to face. They may not even realize that they are upsetting you.