Making gay friends.

Intouch9

How impossible is it to make gay friends? I moved to Dublin over a year ago from Limerick, met one gay guy through work and he ended up leaving to bloody country! Since then, I've tried a few times however most guys think you're:

A) Touched.

or

Coming onto them.

I've had a look online and can see that there are groups and stuff, but that's just not me. I'd prefer to meet face to face and go from there rather than turn up to a forced 'lets all be buddies' group. As it stands, my boyfriend is pretty much the only gay guy I talk to & he's still living in Limerick!

I'm at a stage now where I want to embrace the culture, having despised it for so long and having friends that are gay is at the top of my list, along with going to the Dublin Pride parade.

Any advice?

floggg

Intouch9 wrote: »

How impossible is it to make gay friends? I moved to Dublin over a year ago from Limerick, met one gay guy through work and he ended up leaving to bloody country! Since then, I've tried a few times however most guys think you're:

A) Touched.

or

Coming onto them.

I've had a look online and can see that there are groups and stuff, but that's just not me. I'd prefer to meet face to face and go from there rather than turn up to a forced 'lets all be buddies' group. As it stands, my boyfriend is pretty much the only gay guy I talk to & he's still living in Limerick!

I'm at a stage now where I want to embrace the culture, having despised it for so long and having friends that are gay is at the top of my list, along with going to the Dublin Pride parade.

Any advice?

Have you thought about coming to the meets organised on here every now and then, or on sites like gaire or queerid?

I've been to a few gaire meets and got to know some people off that site. I'm new enough to the gay scene so it was a good way to meet new friends.

I'd also been keen to expand my circle of gay friends. I think the groups are probably the best way unfortunately. Making friends tends to happen organically so I think it's a matter of socialising with other gays more.

Intouch9

I was afraid you'd say something like that! The thoughts of doing something that that actually scare the living sh*te out of me. I work in PR so I'm well used to meeting people I don't know and can talk shop all day and night, but this, this is daunting.

My ideal would be to go with someone, or meet someone who was going to a meetup before hand, so as just to ease myself in.

Does that ever happen?

Dwn Wth Vwls

If you like outdoorsy stuff, the Wet and Wild group is pretty good. They have someone who's job it is to meet nervous people beforehand and bring them along.

baby and crumble

I know that it's really scary trying to meet friends for the first time, but the simple fact of the matter is, once you pass college age (at a push) you simply aren't going to make friends randomly any more. You have to make the effort, which means going to groups, going to specific events, all that kind of thing. It sucks, but it's the only way.

If I'm going to a beers on here, I'm happy, as mod, to meet up with folks 1-1 beforehand. I think the reason we get so few people at these things lately is that everyone's terrified. That just means everyone's in the same boat.

When you get older you really have to force yourself to make new friends and meet new people, especially if you want to meet a certain type of friend- i.e a gay friend. My girlfriend is one of the only lesbians/ bi girls I know well, apart from one person I met randomly in college.

Billyum

Sharing your problem here......after months of making a conscious effort to expand my circle of gay friends iv literally made none, an not from lack of trying either, but im still in limerick, where if you dont enjoy the typical gay scene then you more than likely wont fit in! I think groups like wet n wild are great for meeting friends, if i were you id take full advantage of them! you could be stuck back in Limerick

Intouch9

Cool... thanks guys. Well then, I think the consensus is that we're all coming out of our shells for the next meet up.

I'll take a look at that outdoor group, not necessarily my thing though. Baby and Crumble - you're dead right about the college days, if only it were still that easy! How often do the boards meet up's happen?

Billyum I'd probably still be in Limerick if my currently employer had not tempted me with a really good offer to come work for them here!

I'm not somebody who gets nervous generally, especially when it comes to meeting people.

All of the above leads me onto my next point - when is the next meet up?

baby and crumble

There was a meet-up in November. I think 20-something people said they'd show up. I was there for about an hour or more and I think we maxed out at 4.

The way they come into being is usually someone suggests one, a poll is put up, people vote, then there's a vote on a location, someone volunteers to be the person who books a section or goes in time to blag a few tables and print out a sign, and then it happens.

Intouch9

Okay... well that kinda sucks that so few people turn up. Is there a strict format as to how this has to happen or is it flexible?

Could it be done, with say... survey monkey so that anybody that wants to go, signs up with an email addy or something and is then contacted in that manner? Or is that waaaay outside the boards rules?

In that instance, what would be really cool would be to gather feedback on who was interested in going to see if there is a prevailing demographic and organize the night to target that group, while still including everybody?

You've just unleashed an event management beast.

floggg

Perhaps a site like queerid or gaire might be better for a meet-up? I think they would probably have more traffic than this forum, and the gaire meets at least seem to attract a bigger crowd.

There are plenty of people who are willing to meet up with new people before hand to break the ice. Once you get to know people on there, youll find a few people who would be interested in meeting for a pint or something outside the actual meets.

Annasopra

What sort of stuff interests you?

Annasopra

Intouch9 wrote: »

Okay... well that kinda sucks that so few people turn up. Is there a strict format as to how this has to happen or is it flexible?

Could it be done, with say... survey monkey so that anybody that wants to go, signs up with an email addy or something and is then contacted in that manner? Or is that waaaay outside the boards rules?

In that instance, what would be really cool would be to gather feedback on who was interested in going to see if there is a prevailing demographic and organize the night to target that group, while still including everybody?

You've just unleashed an event management beast.

eh - they're usually much more informal than that

Intouch9

mango salsa wrote: »

What sort of stuff interests you?

Like music, internet, TV, rugby, soccer (only recently though) drinking, having a laugh... you know... normal stuff.

mango salsa wrote: »

eh - they're usually much more informal than that

Like I said... unleashing a beast!

Aurongroove

Be my friend.

Do you guys ever meet up in town?
I've taken to having a few quiet ones in Pantibar whenever I'm in but a forum meet up is a perfect way to make friends.

Intouch9

Lol... Hi Friend! Reading over this thread I sound like such a sad case. Morto.
Socially inept.

Annasopra

Intouch9 wrote: »

Like music, internet, TV, rugby, soccer (only recently though) drinking, having a laugh... you know... normal stuff.

OK so

Music
www.gloria.ie
http://www.info.dublinmusicgroup.com/

Rugby
http://ewrfc.ie/

Soccer
http://www.dublindevilsfc.com/
http://www.irishshamrocksfc.com/


Anything else? Hiking, swimming, dining, reading, juggling, squash, running, films, volunteering, rights?

Intouch9

You rock. Thank you. Was looking at volunteering with the LGBT Switchboard, having recently volunteered for Childline. Will hopefully start that later on in the year.

Aurongroove

Not judging.

I've been in social situations that required the utmost confidence swagger and smooth can-do aura, and performed admirably, but the second I began socializing as a gay person I turned into a sad-o recluse in a corner drinking alone.

I've only had my first gay night out last November, a couple of drinks with a group of fellas meeting, had a chat and a bus home.

Not two weeks ago did I then brave a gay pub with people in it who were gays: like me! and had a drink then bus home.

stage three is repeat step 2, but this time not as a recluse, wear something nice, sit somewhere in the middle of the venue, and force myself to meet at least one other person.
Deep breaths.
God help the person I eventually meet; they're going to get a fistful of crazy before I get this thing down.

Intouch9

Tres proud of you. Well done, that took balls. TBH I think I'm gearing myself up for something like that too. Used to head to The George and The Dragon when I was in college, but college is no more and I haven't been in a gaybar since.

How did you get going to the first meeting?

Aurongroove

I joined a gay forum. and they were meeting up so I said right off we go.

Now I've never been to the George or the dragon, so I don't know how loud/busy they are.
when I say gay venue, I mean a sort of place where you can have a conversation at a table.

loud niteclubs are no good unless you want your looks to speak for you and have a nice night (I imagine). Its amazing how may people I know who are so used to loud discos that when it come to meeting someone 'for keeps' they dont know where to go. they've been living 16-28 meeting sexy drunk people, shagging or having month or two long relationships and then saying goodbye.

you wanna meet a keeper, you need to keep your social skills up to par, but these guys haven't met someone through conversation since secondary school!

Rick_

Aurongroove, glad to see I'm not the only one who has a whole mountain of crazy to unleash on any suspecting future partner! If only I can get them to like me first before unleashing the crazy in small doses then they might just stick around instead of running for the hills!

Intouch9

Lol... I'm sure you're not that bad guys. I've this image of both of you in nightdresses pushing trollies of cats around St. Stephen's Green.

Intouch9

Lol... pretty much like this...

Rick_

Oh, if I lived in Dublin I'd probably be doing that, but with a cat launcher to propel my felines at unsuspecting passers by whilst mumbling under my breath about how noisy the grass is being that day or something...

Like this :-

Intouch9

Sexy. Let me know when you're here - I'll provide the launcher.
Nah, in all seriousness, I've got the partner already and he's a huge bag of crazy as it is, but friends would be amazing. I've got loads of good advice though, thanks lads and lassies, really appreciate it.

Rick_

I'd love some gay friends but finding any locally is a nightmare, everyones so closed minded here and anyone who is gay is probably afraid to let it be known so I'm stuck going further afield, then that creates problems of not seeing people for ages at a time so how can you keep a proper friendship going? I've chated to countless lovely fellas on Boards and would love to be friends with them, but how realistic is trying to maintain a new friendship when you live 80 odd miles apart to begin with?!

Intouch9

Where abouts are you buddy?

coolperson05

Just reading your posts there and found them interesting, and slightly entertaining! Kinda in the same boat - moved to Dublin for postgrad stuff and haven't really made a big impact on the gay scene lol. I go out in dub with my home gay friends when they're up (They're the people in clubs that you'd probably walk away from!). I'm slightly more low key! Would love to get involved in a meet up or whatever - I've not been on this forum much.
Like Intouch, I'm seeing someone so it's friends I'm looking for. (Don't wanna get in trouble!) Random days and nights on the agenda.

Oh btw, Hi everyone!

Intouch9

What can I say, we're entertaining kinda people! Yeah, I don't know whether to just be like... yeah, lets all meet up, or wait in the sidelines for somebody else do it & eventually back out of it... Decisions decisions.

Rick_

I'm from Armagh, the gleaming metropolis that it is...

coolperson05

Armagh's not bad! My cousins live there - great starting point for some shopping! Craigavon, Portadown and Newry!! My poor bank account before Christmas.

Intouch9

Well look, you can always pop down when we're having this unreal night out that everybody is going to go to.

Aurongroove

You guys have the right attitude.
We're bitching about making friends let's do something about it.

What does Dublin sound like to you'ze?

Intouch9

We're doing Dublin. It's perfect. Front Lounge?

Slang_Tang

Intouch9 wrote: »

Lol... pretty much like this...

That's the best kind of crazy, though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbMt82yVj24

Intouch9

Err... did the cat make it out alive?

Slang_Tang

Yeah, fortunately.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxgIS8MJsUk

baby and crumble

On topic, guys. The off-topic thread for vids and flirting etc. is over there --->



If this is being opened to the whole board, I would suggest a non-gay venue. There seems to be a history of better attendance in non-gay pubs.

Personally I would also suggest a non beer event, but that's just me.

jaffacakesyum

Oh you guys/girls are doing a meet up? Awesome

I would suggest a beer event myself but I do love my beer :pac:

Rick_

I'm coming to Dublin for St. Paddy's Day with some mates, probably won't be in Dublin until then, any chance a meet-up could be arranged for around that time, even on Paddy's day, or is that a bad idea from the start? Just thinking, people might feel more comfortable if there's already a party atmosphere going on and if they aren't comfortable being at the Boards meetup they can just literally take a few staps and they can be somewhere else away from us and not have to worry about it, or is trying to arrange it on a day where there will be an insurmountable amount of people in every pub and bar just asking for a whole heap of trouble?

Intouch9

Who's to say that we won't be doing one each week at that stage? I'm all over this now.

baby and crumble

I never leave my house on St. Patrick's day; I'd rather punch myself in the face repeatedly than go out anywhere that day. Horrendous.

Intouch9

We're all coming to yours then?

Rick_

Hey, as long as there's some party nibbles, alcohol and a corner I can hide in, I'm there.

Barna77

Can't beat a good Paddy's day house party

The -blurred- memories of past parties Just don't let me log in the aerlingus website if I get drunk.... :mad:

baby and crumble

Considering I don't really drink and hate drunk people (hence the not going out on St. Patricks Day)... that would be a no.

I'm always up for hosting an xbox night...








Edit: not always.

Aurongroove

for me it's Playstation or nothing.

Anyways, gay venue? straight venue? non alcohol? alcohol? night in?
I think we may be missing the point. if arranging people to come meet one another was easy then we'd all've done it already.

I propose we arrange a like it or lump it night out/in, and if people cant go then it's a sacrifice they're not willing to make and good luck to them. My ideal night is playing JRPG from 8 in the evening till 5am alone with nothing but a Chinese take-away, a bottle of apple juice and a bag of turf for sustenance and warmth, but none of that will make me any new friends.

Captain Graphite

baby and crumble wrote: »

I never leave my house on St. Patrick's day; I'd rather punch myself in the face repeatedly than go out anywhere that day. Horrendous.

I'm the same, but I'll be in China this year for Paddy's Day so I might find an Irish pub for the laugh! It's scumbags that ruin Paddy's Day, can't imagine there being too many scumbags over there (and if there are the Chinese authorities will put a stop to them quickly)

Aside from the scumbag thing, I don't get the point of Paddy's Day. Or patriotism in general, really. But shur when I'm not in Ireland I might enjoy it a bit more.

L.Jenkins

I like the idea of an xbox night.

James W

Intouch9 wrote: »

How impossible is it to make gay friends? I moved to Dublin over a year ago from Limerick, met one gay guy through work and he ended up leaving to bloody country! Since then, I've tried a few times however most guys think you're:

A) Touched.

or

Coming onto them.

I've had a look online and can see that there are groups and stuff, but that's just not me. I'd prefer to meet face to face and go from there rather than turn up to a forced 'lets all be buddies' group. As it stands, my boyfriend is pretty much the only gay guy I talk to & he's still living in Limerick!

I'm at a stage now where I want to embrace the culture, having despised it for so long and having friends that are gay is at the top of my list, along with going to the Dublin Pride parade.

Any advice?

I'd imagine making friends who are gay isn't any different from making friends in general! Perhaps you just need to generally socialise and get involved in some gay groups which interest you and see how it goes - it may work better than setting out with a specific, predetermined objective. The gay scene can be quite cliqueish.

On the internet, there is no doubt that the primary motive/interest is sex - which is hardly a surprise, I guess. If you're not after sex few if any are interested.

Intouch9

Thanks James... I'm looking at volunteering for either Pride or the LGBT Switchboard.