I cannot talk to anyone anymore

LegacyUser

In order to protect myself I have resorted to not talking to my classmates and others around me. I would say hello and be friendily. I am depressed and have been for a few years now because of the circumstances that I have no control over. I do enjoy talking and having conversations with others, I always did but not anymore because it makes me more depressed. When I do talk to most people I hide who I am because I know my views, opinions and outlook is different to many people's. Anyways I am sensitive, open and honest and I realised that most people don't like people like that, they usually like hard, tough people even as a woman, most men go for hard, strong women like most women are.

At first I used not to talk much about myself because I don't like talking about myself and my life because it is depressing and very few people understand so I would ask people about themselves and their lives although they tell me good things and that they are going well, I am happy for them but it makes me more depressed when I compare the things they have to the things I have. So the only way I can cope anymore is when I don't talk to anyone. I will say hello and do the small talk but that is all I have.

I don't think I need others anyways. First of all I don't have anything to give because who I am and when I am myself I am not liked and I cannot talk about myself and my life because it makes me more depressed and then I feel suicidal. They all talk about their families and children, what they did and where they went etc and all of that is normal and expected but it makes me really depressed even though I am happy for them I cannot relate to it though. I have nothing to say and I have to hide my depression and lonliness and I have to hide myself too. My life is very lonely and isolating but in order to cope with it and through my course, I cannot talk to anyone anymore.

Ickle Magoo

First things first to help yourself OP, have you told your GP how you feel?

Oryx

What you are doing is a coping mechanism, but in the long term you cannot keep doing it. To turn inwards on yourself like this, instead of helping, will only make things worse, even if it makes dealing with day to day life easier right now. It's not living, it's existing, and you deserve a good, more positive life than this.

Youve posted here, which is a good first step. You need to continue your efforts to break out of this, and that means seeking help in the real world. As Ickle says, your GP is a very good place to start. They wont judge you, and may have practical solutions to help you change things. It wont change overnight, but you can get better.

LegacyUser

Oryx wrote: »

What you are doing is a coping mechanism, but in the long term you cannot keep doing it. To turn inwards on yourself like this, instead of helping, will only make things worse, even if it makes dealing with day to day life easier right now. It's not living, it's existing, and you deserve a good, more positive life than this.

Youve posted here, which is a good first step. You need to continue your efforts to break out of this, and that means seeking help in the real world. As Ickle says, your GP is a very good place to start. They wont judge you, and may have practical solutions to help you change things. It wont change overnight, but you can get better.

Thanks for relpying and writing back. Well I know it's not right but this is the only way I can cope and get by day to day. I know it's not living either but I this is the only way to get by it's life or death and if I have to live then I have to do this.
I don't really have a G.P that knows me when I went to my previous g.p. they had an attitude about me feeling bad and I should think positive, it's easy for them to say, they have probably got support in their life and someone they can turn to. They will just say I am depressed and give prescription for antidepressants. If most people were me with my circumstances that I have no control over, they would be depressed aswell. I have not much family, no support I live alone in rented studio and I am on welfare. The only thing in my life that can work is my college course. I am very strong but I often do get depressed and more recently it's worsening whenever I talk to others or they talk to me, it seems to get alot worse.

Call Me Jimmy

Is there one thing in particular that you can point to over all others and say "if this ONE thing was different I'd be free to live my life to the full"? Or is it a general feeling that you just don't understand?

LovelyLottie

Going to your GP is the best thing you can do. Find a GP if you don't have one. If the GP you went to was unsupportive, find another more supportive one. Getting antidepressants is not a fix in itself, but it will help you get your mood on a more even keel so that you can start to tackle real life.

When i went through a particularly tough time in my early 20s i resorted to the tactic you're using now. I had to repeat a year in college and i decided for some reason that that in itself was difficult enough, and that i couldn't cope with the stress of trying to make new friends on top of that. So i was polite and nice when people spoke to me, but completely kept to myself. Everyone probably thought i was mute, or incredibly shy, or maybe rude. Anyone who knows me now, wouldn't be able to relate the person i am now to that person. I was depressed. You need to speak to a GP or professional who may put you on medication and then refer you for some form of therapy. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Is there one thing in particular that you can point to over all others and say "if this ONE thing was different I'd be free to live my life to the full"? Or is it a general feeling that you just don't understand?

Well I don't have any support in my life I live alone and there is few very people and few few women in my situation so that is why I cannot talk openly to them anymore

LegacyUser

LovelyLottie wrote: »

Going to your GP is the best thing you can do. Find a GP if you don't have one. If the GP you went to was unsupportive, find another more supportive one. Getting antidepressants is not a fix in itself, but it will help you get your mood on a more even keel so that you can start to tackle real life.

When i went through a particularly tough time in my early 20s i resorted to the tactic you're using now. I had to repeat a year in college and i decided for some reason that that in itself was difficult enough, and that i couldn't cope with the stress of trying to make new friends on top of that. So i was polite and nice when people spoke to me, but completely kept to myself. Everyone probably thought i was mute, or incredibly shy, or maybe rude. Anyone who knows me know, wouldn't be able to relate the person i am now to that person. I was depressed. You need to speak to a GP or professional who may put you on medication and then refer you for some form of therapy. Best of luck.

Thanks for replying and writing back. You are very strong I wasn't strong enought to go to college in my late teens and early 20s my life was hard then in different ways to how it is now. I am almost 30 I don't have a illness like depression because it's the circumstances of my life that I have no control over that is the main thing influencing me that I feel depressed. I do talk like the small talk to everyone just to give something but I wouldn't ever reveal how I really am I know I am living a lie and it makes me sad that I am not being true to myself and to others but I cannot be how I really am and give what I really have got to others, I would only relate this to certain extend to others to help them. I know why I am depressed because I don't have people around me or love in a normal sense, I am not talking about a love life just people around me who accept me. I thought about getting a cat it would be something in my life that makes a difference but it's cruel to keep a pet when I don't have a suitable space for it. I am registered with one g.p. and really feel it's a waste of time to go, anti depressants are not going to give me what I need that most normal people have and take for granted.

Oryx

You refer to your situation, and I dont know what that is, and Im not asking you to say. But have you thought of seeking out organisations that deal with circumstances like yours?