getting over ex

LegacyUser

long story short...i am nowhere near over my ex and need advice on how to get over him as there is no chance of us getting back together. we have been split for about 6 months now, however i only recently decided to cut contact with him, the day i decided to do this i felt on top of the world, like nothing could get in my way, i felt like this for about 2 weeks (not very long) but now im back to thinking about him constantly and getting teary eyed. i have read on here that this can come in waves so it will pass again, which i suppose i know it will but just wondering if there any tips for making it go faster, iv always been known as being impatient lol! I just need to get him out of my head as he is in a new relationship. I am trying desperately to move on, like i said, although recent, i have cut contact, i am also in the process of moving out of a flat that we shared. Any other advice would be much appreciated.

LegacyUser

I'm having problems moving on from an ex too; moving out of the flat you shared is a positive first step. I'm finding that the more I do things that my ex and I would never have done together, the better able I am to cope. For instance, I've taken up running, which she would never have done, and I'm eating a lot healthier. What I'm trying to say is if you reinvent yourself in a whole number of ways, you'll find that a psychological distance opens up between yourself and your ex. It's not easy getting over someone you loved and you're right, it hits you in waves but there are days when I feel really good about myself and I know in time, that's how I'll feel every day/.

Vicxas

Unfortunately there is no quick fix for a broken heart. Yes this will come in waves and you will be upset for some time but it will pass again and itll stay away for longer each time. All i can say from personal experience is to go out and keep yourself busy. Try new things, thats a great way to distract yourself.

Good luck to you both

Overheal

There is no quick fix. All I can say with certainty though is when it comes around you have to grab it by the horns and work through it, not just try and ignore it. When you ignore it, you're just paddling an unresolved conflict in your own head, and it will keep coming back around until it feels properly resolved.

dancesatnight

when y ex dumped me and then pulled everything she did. i was broken and hit rock bottom im good now but it took its time. go out have fun well try pretend if u have to. go to the gym i go like monday to friday to keep busy but ti also has the affec of melting all the realationship pounds off ya. also learning to live with out the person is hard if u spent a lot of time with them. i wish u luck its a hard road but ull be stronger after but very bitter for a while

Miss Fluff

headfried wrote: »

we have been split for about 6 months now, however i only recently decided to cut contact with him, the day i decided to do this i felt on top of the world, like nothing could get in my way, i felt like this for about 2 weeks (not very long) but now im back to thinking about him constantly and getting teary eyed.

As I often say on these boards, staying in contact with an ex is always a bad idea. It softens the blow for the "dumper" and the dumpee is invariably instilled with false hope - they convince themselves that there must be something there for that bond to still exist. However you now find yourself in a position where he has confirmed to you for definite that he has moved on, he's bagged himself a new girlfriend.

So what I am saying, in a rather convulted way, is that you never really truly dealt with the break-up while still in touch, severing contact once and for all brings an element of finality (and sometimes brutality!) to it which you may not have faced up to six months ago in the immediate aftermath of the break-up, your fall was in effect cushioned by the comfort of still having him in your life.

It's a cliche but time is a great healer. Occupy yourself with friends and family and with new activities. Make a clean break (no Facebook snooping or drunken texts) and with each day that passes you'll find you think of this person less and less. You HAVE TO take the co contact rule seriously though or you'll end up at square one.

LegacyUser

headfried wrote: »

long story short...i am nowhere near over my ex and need advice on how to get over him as there is no chance of us getting back together. we have been split for about 6 months now, however i only recently decided to cut contact with him, the day i decided to do this i felt on top of the world, like nothing could get in my way, i felt like this for about 2 weeks (not very long) but now im back to thinking about him constantly and getting teary eyed. i have read on here that this can come in waves so it will pass again, which i suppose i know it will but just wondering if there any tips for making it go faster, iv always been known as being impatient lol! I just need to get him out of my head as he is in a new relationship. I am trying desperately to move on, like i said, although recent, i have cut contact, i am also in the process of moving out of a flat that we shared. Any other advice would be much appreciated.

do you mind if i ask what happened between you that made it so concrete about never getting back together?

LegacyUser

A little histrionic Miss Fluff to claim definitively that contacting an ex is *always* a bad idea. Just because it may often be the case, doesn't make it absolutely true. There are several instances where ex partners remain friends or indeed re-unite and make a second successful go of things. A break-up is often the wake-up that some need to realise of how much importance they are to each other. But this is relationship *issues* so we just don't tend to hear about success stories so much.

Either way, I don't think it's fair that things are misrepresented to the OP and perhaps making some contact might actually provide her with the proper closure she needs to move on. Essentially, how she sees her ex is a conclusion she has to arrive at for herself, not because she's told to.

Miss Fluff

experienced2012 wrote: »

Either way, I don't think it's fair that things are misrepresented to the OP and perhaps making some contact might actually provide her with the proper closure she needs to move on. Essentially, how she sees her ex is a conclusion she has to arrive at for herself, not because she's told to.

This "closure" you speak of is overrated. The man has a new girlfriend, that's all the closure that is necessary to know he is moving on. Yes he could potentially change his mind and realise that the OP is the one for him but for her own sake it would be wholly inadvisable to wait in the wings ad infinitum in the hope he'll change his mind.

And advising someone that contacting an ex is a bad idea is hardly histrionic - I simple don't see why people need to keep going back for more rejection. The sooner a person cuts ties and proceeds with their own life the sooner they will get over the heartache.