Courtroom Euphamisms

Victor

I was in the District Court as a 'tourist' on Friday. I learned some interesting euphemisms.

"I come with clean hands on this" = "My client was lying even to me".

"You said you might deal with the matter in a certain way" = "My client really hopes you won't be sending him to prison".

McCrack

Sorry Judge, I'll get my coat

not even wrong

"comes from a difficult background" = deserves leniency
"comes from a good family" = deserves leniency also

FreudianSlippers

2 good ones to know for lay people having a gander are:
"I'm instructed to inform the court" = I don't want to say this but I'm told to say it

"I'm in the court's hands" = means something different based on the context but it's usually not said by the side thays winning.

nuac

with great respect = judge, you have got it wrong here

with the greatest of all possible respect = judge, you are absolutely and completely wrong and do not appear to have heard much less understood what I have submitted to you

johnnyskeleton

Victor wrote: »

I was in the District Court as a 'tourist' on Friday. I learned some interesting euphemisms.

"I come with clean hands on this" = "My client was lying even to me".

that's a funny thing to say in the district court.

"You said you might deal with the matter in a certain way" = "My client really hopes you won't be sending him to prison".

that sounds more like a situation where on the last day the court suggested a non custodial sentence if certain conditions were met eg pays compensation, stays off drugs etc. A lawyer can't say that explicitly because te judge probably didn't say it explicitly either.

deadwood

When asked if a defendant has any previous convictions: "Not yet Judge";)

Victor

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

that's a funny thing to say in the district court.

The accused's brother showed up in his place at the previous hearing and didn't make clear that he wasn't the accused to the solicitor.

Carawaystick

Not quite a euphemism, but when Nicky Kelly got convicted for Drink Driving in Arklow a few years ago, the fact he had no previous convictions was reported pointedly by the local paper....

theAwakening

"my client has a motoring history" = 50 road traffic convictions.


Heard a good one from newly appointed judge durcan recently...
"counsel, is there anything coming down the tracks that may not have reached its destination yet?" = has your client any other charges pending?

johnnyskeleton

theAwakening wrote: »

Heard a good one from newly appointed judge durcan recently...
"counsel, is there anything coming down the tracks that may not have reached its destination yet?" = has your client any other charges pending?

To which i hope counsel replied that the court is not entitled to enquire into such an issue and that a new judge will have to deal with the case?

Milk & Honey

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

To which i hope counsel replied that the court is not entitled to enquire into such an issue and that a new judge will have to deal with the case?

That was not a euphemism but a metaphor. In any event it is legitimate at the sentencing stage. The usual enquiry is "has the Defendant come to garda attention since?"

mikemac1

Not a euphemism but I've heard a judge will always let a rookie solicitor win their first case

Is it true?

nuac

There is no absolute or written rule to that effect,

A judges discretion to decide a case cannot be taken from him/her.

However for their first case solicitors are usually given matters such as to restore a driving licence, or some other licensing or similar application.

Most judges would be more sympathetic and helpful than to an established practtioner.

deadwood

In the old days: "My client is willing to take a certain course"

= Kachiiiing $$$ for d'oul benelephant fund.

theAwakening

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

To which i hope counsel replied that the court is not entitled to enquire into such an issue and that a new judge will have to deal with the case?

in fairness to him, he was offering to strike out/poor box following a guilty plea subject to a lengthy adjournment, during which time the accused was not to incur a subsequent unfavourable court outcome, but before doing so he enquired with counsel as to whether this may have a negative effect on his client, due to any other charges which may already be before the courts..

johnnyskeleton

Milk & Honey wrote: »

In any event it is legitimate at the sentencing stage. The usual enquiry is "has the Defendant come to garda attention since?"

Surely only convictions are relevant and evidence of other complaints are not admissible?

johnnyskeleton

mikemac1 wrote: »

Not a euphemism but I've heard a judge will always let a rookie solicitor win their first case

Is it true?

That would be brilliant. You'd get the newly qualified solicitor to run the murder trials.

deadwood

mikemac1 wrote: »

Not a euphemism but I've heard a judge will always let a rookie solicitor win their first case

Is it true?

How about a newly qualified guard -v- newly qualified solicitor?

benway

"Fundamentally misconceived" has always been a favourite of mine ... as in, "just plain stupid".

subrosa

"I have no instructions on that matter" = I have no idea.

"I can put the matter no further" / "I'm in the Court's hands" = This is going to go very badly and I'd really rather just sit down.

Not common, but one that I like -

"My client is not the most reliable historian of his own life" = He has numerous convictions but can't remember them all.

Milk & Honey

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

Surely only convictions are relevant and evidence of other complaints are not admissible?

IT often happens that the Defendant does better if a number of offences are sentenced together. The fact of other alleged wrongdoing should not influence the sentence in a case before the court, but it might result in an adjournment to take them all together if there are other charges pending.

johnnyskeleton

Milk & Honey wrote: »

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

Surely only convictions are relevant and evidence of other complaints are not admissible?

IT often happens that the Defendant does better if a number of offences are sentenced together. The fact of other alleged wrongdoing should not influence the sentence in a case before the court, but it might result in an adjournment to take them all together if there are other charges pending.

That still doesn't change the fact that a judge can't ask that. It would be a matter for his lawyers to arrange the cases being heard together and is not a suitable matter for judicial inquiry.

Our man in Havana

Portlaoise DC on many occasions "Your client is very well dressed" meaning the fine will be large.

mcgarrett

^^^^^

Reminded me of being in that court about a year ago, a new Inspector had arrived and was welcomed by the Judge, Solicitors and Court Clerk. When the Court Clerk sat down a voice from the crowd down the back said:

"On behalf of the criminals in Portlaoise I'd like to welcome the Inspector"

Kosseegan

Our man in Havana wrote: »

Portlaoise DC on many occasions "Your client is very well dressed" meaning the fine will be large.

I have heard of the opposite happening in the Circuit Court. After a personal injuries case the Plaintiff's barrister was approached by the tipstaff and told "good award". Pity about the jeans. would have been another 5 grand"

Sala

"I am of the opinion that.."
I was in the Magistrates court in London and the lawyer started every sentence with that, including "I am of the opinion that I don't know"

Not an euphemism but I thought it was funny