David Feherty Quotes (alledgedly)

IITYWYBMAD

I thought that these were quite funny....My favorite being the Faldo quote.

Feherty Quotes

“Fortunately, he (Rory) is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.”

“That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.”

“I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn’t be here this week. He is attending the birth of his next wife.”

“They don’t do comedy at the Masters. The Masters, for me, is like holding onto a really big collection of gas for a week. It’s like having my buttocks surgically clenched at Augusta General Hospital on Wednesday, and surgically unclenched on Monday on the way to Hilton Head.”

Jim Furyk’s swing - “It looks like an octopus falling out of a tree.”

“He’s (Luke Donald) a bloody walking ATM. I slid my AmEx between the cheeks of his ass and out popped $500.”

Describing VJ's prodigious practice regime - "VJ hits more balls than Elton John's chin."

"That's a great shot with that swing."

"It's OK - the bunker stopped it."

At Augusta 2011 - "It's just a glorious day. The only way to ruin a day like this would be to play golf on it."

"That was a great shot - if they'd put the pin there today."

"Everything moves except his bowels."

"Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff."

"That green appears smaller than a Pygmie's nipple".

AGC

Remember the comment about Rory's wrist alright and Donald as the ATM

newport2

Some good ones there alright.

I can't stand him as a commentator though. He has too many one liners in between all the good ones above that ain't funny at all. Case of trying too hard.

Gophur

A lot of Feherty's comedy is "tears of a clown" stuff.
He has one hell of a lot of inner-demons himself.

Good to listen to, though. Golf is better with him than without.

Benicetomonty

Comparing Colin Montgomerie to Mrs Doubtfire still his finest hour imo. He's v funny at times but more hit and miss than he used to be. A caricature of himself but Americans have a high tolerance for such folk..

Aidric

Love the quote about VJ.

rednik

Monty again. "He has a face like a dog licking piss off nettles".

Myksyk

I love the Mickelson quote.

JerryHandbag

Another one on Faldo

"He only ever opens his mouth to change feet"

exaisle

He said he gave up golf because he was "swinging like a $h1T-house door on a prawn-trawler....."

L.O.F.T

Myksyk wrote: »

I love the Mickelson quote.

Another one for you Myksyk:

"Phil is brilliant, but he's nuts. There's something not quite right about that boy. Phil is watching a movie that only Phil can see. His mother told me, 'Phil was so clumsy as a little boy, we had to put a football helmet on him until he was 4 because he kept bumping into things.' I told her, 'Mary, Mary, I'm a writer, you can't keep handing me material like this.' So the next time I saw Phil I said, 'You didn't really wear a football helmet in the house until you were 4, did you?' He said, 'It was more like 5.' "

stockdam

IITYWYBMAD wrote: »

“They don’t do comedy at the Masters. The Masters, for me, is like holding onto a really big collection of gas for a week. It’s like having my buttocks surgically clenched at Augusta General Hospital on Wednesday, and surgically unclenched on Monday on the way to Hilton Head.”

He did (and probably still does) have a problem with excess gas. He did have kinda nickname that reflected this.

He was a pretty good singer though.

Maclock

rednik wrote: »

Monty again. "He has a face like a dog licking piss off nettles".

Absolute class.:D

f22

From Gary McCord

Now, during this one tourney (I can't recall which one he said),
Feherty was to follow Tiger from the 15th hole on. They're about to
come back from a break, and Feherty sticks the mic down there, lets one
rip..... "Uh oh", Feherty says. "Gary, I **** my pants!".

So now Feherty is walking down the fairway with a load, and McCord is
trying to catch a glimpse of him, walking gingerly as to not let the
mess go down his pants! He's trying to find a place to clean up, as
Tiger is going to win this tourney and Feherty is going to need to get
an interview. But doesn't get a chance, and the producers tell him to
get ready for an interview.

Now apparently, Steve Williams, Tiger's caddy, is the world's 2nd
greatest farter. Feherty is in one of the tents and says that it
smells REALLY bad. Tiger walks in, stops dead in his tracks, and looks
at Williams. "Boss, it wasn't me!" said Stevie. Feherty just yells
out "Tiger, I **** my pants! But I need to get an interview!"

So there's Feherty, holding the mic as far away from his body as
possible, with Tiger backing up, and Feherty following him around with
a load of **** in his pants!

Atlantic1

rednik wrote: »

Monty again. "He has a face like a dog licking piss off nettles".

Hi Rednik. I think he said he was like a wart hog and not a dog. Very apt, though!

He also said of Furyk's swing that he was "....like a one armed man wrestling a snake in a phone booth!"

When some USPGA player put his tee shot into a huge bunker off the fairway, he said, "Hey McCord, you guys have started wars in the Middle East over less sand than that!"

And another day, when someone's long putt stopped a few millimetres form the hole, he said, ".... that's a South American ball, McCord. It just needed one more revolution!"