Drink affecting our relationship

LegacyUser

I have just come back from town after searching for my girlfriend. I got a call from somebody who found her crying on the side of the street. I spend about 20 minutes looking for her, and it didn't help that her phone was out of battery. Some of our mutual friends who were in town managed to find her and took her home. This isn't the first thing something like this has happened.

We have been going out for almost a year at this stage, and everything is going perfect except when she goes on nights out. She does not go out too often (maybe 10 nights without me since we have been going out) but when she does, she gets very drunk...to the stage where she can't remember things.

I am meant to be in work in the morning, and I can't afford to be worrying like this. I couldn't get any sleep, I never do when I know shes out drinking. I know she will not cheat, but when shes at the stage where she can't remember things / being aggressive towards me on the phone, I just can't handle it.

I have talked to her several times about the amount she drinks on nights out, and she always promises to improve...but to date I have seen no evidence of this. I don't want to go on like this, having sleepless nights and worrying about her. Me having to drive out to town tonight, I think, was a step too far on her behalf.

I really want to help her with her problem. I don't want to break up with her, however, I feel that the only way I will give her a concrete message is if I do.

Any advice?

Beruthiel

drinkaffectingourrelationship wrote: »

I really want to help her with her problem. I don't want to break up with her, however, I feel that the only way I will give her a concrete message is if I do.

That's how I would see it.

Right now you are enabling her.
Sure, you complain and ask her to cut it out, but, you are also worrying and driving around trying to find her and loosing sleep over it.
Staying with her is telling her that you are happy to live with this in your life.

I'd have no problem telling her that you've had enough.
That her behaviour is hurting you.
That her behaviour is affecting your sleep and work the next day.
That you cannot see a future with someone who has no regard for themselves.
A girl who behaves in this fashion leaves herself open to all sorts of trouble and you've had enough of constantly worrying about her every time she goes out.

I know you'd rather not do the above OP, but, is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?
There are plenty of girls out there who will not put you through this on a constant basis.

Wompa1

drinkaffectingourrelationship wrote: »

I have just come back from town after searching for my girlfriend. I got a call from somebody who found her crying on the side of the street. I spend about 20 minutes looking for her, and it didn't help that her phone was out of battery. Some of our mutual friends who were in town managed to find her and took her home. This isn't the first thing something like this has happened.

We have been going out for almost a year at this stage, and everything is going perfect except when she goes on nights out. She does not go out too often (maybe 10 nights without me since we have been going out) but when she does, she gets very drunk...to the stage where she can't remember things.

I am meant to be in work in the morning, and I can't afford to be worrying like this. I couldn't get any sleep, I never do when I know shes out drinking. I know she will not cheat, but when shes at the stage where she can't remember things / being aggressive towards me on the phone, I just can't handle it.

I have talked to her several times about the amount she drinks on nights out, and she always promises to improve...but to date I have seen no evidence of this. I don't want to go on like this, having sleepless nights and worrying about her. Me having to drive out to town tonight, I think, was a step too far on her behalf.

I really want to help her with her problem. I don't want to break up with her, however, I feel that the only way I will give her a concrete message is if I do.

Any advice?

In her case I'd say she just shouldn't drink. She has no self control. I think you are right and should break up with her.

username123

Your behaviour is enabling her. It was your choice to have your phone on and to go and drive into town looking for her as a consequence of her drinking.

She needs to cop on to how her behaviour affects other people. Talk to her about it but be very clear that you will have to break up if she doesnt change the behaviour and follow through if thats what it comes to.

LegacyUser

Don't wan't to sound clichéd but that is what young Irish girls do - whether single or in relationships. They drink too much,

My sister and I used to get up to the same antics - 10 years ago.

We were living in Dublin living relatively close enough but only used to meet up approx. once a month. Both of us were living with our boyfriends. We would meet up after work only intending to have a few but end up getting rat arsed. We got ourselves in some tight situations at times.

My boyfriend used to laugh at it but hers at a serious issue with it - probably because she felt she had to ring him when she wanted a lift home. I would never do that. They split up because of it. I'm still with mine after 14 years.

I wouldn't be so dramatic as to class you as an enabler. At the end of the day, if you don't like her antics, finish with her. If you want to be with her, tell her to stop calling you (or her friends also) when she's out. Give her and her friends some taxi numbers.

Having said that, if you think she has as serious alcohol problem, encourage her to cut down.

At the end of the day, if you are unhappy - tell her and tell her why.