To finish or not to finish

Newstart2012

Hi everyone, I am a regular poster on here but wanted to go anon for this one.

Really need some opinions on this.

Basically I am with boyfriend six years now. I have a child from a previous relationship which he loves and so does she.

He is ten years older than me I am nearly 30. For the past 2 years we have slept together maybe once a month at a push. Most of this is my fault due to weight issues which I am trying to address. But there is no intamacy between us anymore outside of the bedroom. No kisses hugs anything.

I work full time he is out of work with 3 years. He is doing nothing to look for work. He won't do fas or any training programmes ect, just keeps saying there is nothing out there.

Now he does everything in the house and minds my child after school ect. He is great that way. But he seems to be stuck in a rut.

Anyhow we have had to incidents of violence in the last year basically the two of us get drunk have a fight and he ends up loosing it and pushing me or dragging me across the room.

This happened last night in front of his brother. And I told him to get out. He is now staying with family.

We have split up twice before and I have taken him back but each time we end up at square one.

I know he loves me but I don't think I love him anymore. But it's like I'm so used to having him around I can't see how I can finish it for good.

Any thoughts on this my head is so messed up..

XxMCRxBabyxX

Newstart2012 wrote: »

Hi everyone, I am a regular poster on here but wanted to go anon for this one.

Really need some opinions on this.

Basically I am with boyfriend six years now. I have a child from a previous relationship which he loves and so does she.

He is ten years older than me I am nearly 30. For the past 2 years we have slept together maybe once a month at a push. Most of this is my fault due to weight issues which I am trying to address. But there is no intamacy between us anymore outside of the bedroom. No kisses hugs anything.

I work full time he is out of work with 3 years. He is doing nothing to look for work. He won't do fas or any training programmes ect, just keeps saying there is nothing out there.

Now he does everything in the house and minds my child after school ect. He is great that way. But he seems to be stuck in a rut.

Anyhow we have had to incidents of violence in the last year basically the two of us get drunk have a fight and he ends up loosing it and pushing me or dragging me across the room.

This happened last night in front of his brother. And I told him to get out. He is now staying with family.

We have split up twice before and I have taken him back but each time we end up at square one.

I know he loves me but I don't think I love him anymore. But it's like I'm so used to having him around I can't see how I can finish it for good.

Any thoughts on this my head is so messed up..

Honestly, it seems to me that you have answered your own question. You don't love him and you don't seem happy with your relationship.

You have to end it. It's not fair on either of you not to.

It'll take time but you will be able to cope without him.

Newstart2012

Thanks for the reply. It's funny when you say it like that to me it seems so clear.

I do think I could cope without him. It's just I feel sorry for him or something as this has been his home for the past 5 years ect.

It's so hard.

XxMCRxBabyxX

Newstart2012 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. It's funny when you say it like that to me it seems so clear.

I do think I could cope without him. It's just I feel sorry for him or something as this has been his home for the past 5 years ect.

It's so hard.

I think sometimes that can be the hardest thing for people during a break up. The result on the other person

He will survive and so will you. It won't be easy but you will both get through thus. Out of pure necessity if nothing else :-)

Newstart2012

Thanks again will sleep on it and try and sort things tomorrow in my head

XxMCRxBabyxX

Newstart2012 wrote: »

Thanks again will sleep on it and try and sort things tomorrow in my head

Good luck! :-)

Jenneke87

I'd say walk or therapy. When people are being dragged across a room it's red flags all about. Especially with a child involved. This will not mend itself in general so if the two of cannot or willnot do it, please ensure your child's safety and go.

Newstart2012

Maybe that's what we both need therapy him for his anger and for me to figure out what it is I want

davet82

OP, what were things like before he lost his job?

I am a friend

Newstart2012 wrote: »

. It's just I feel sorry for him or something as this has been his home for the past 5 years ect.

It's so hard.

Newstart2012 wrote: »

But there is no intamacy between us anymore outside of the bedroom. No kisses hugs anything.

Newstart2012 wrote: »

He is doing nothing to look for work. He won't do fas or any training programmes ect, just keeps saying there is nothing out there.

Newstart2012 wrote: »

Anyhow we have had to incidents of violence in the last year basically the two of us get drunk have a fight and he ends up loosing it and pushing me or dragging me across the room.

Newstart2012 wrote: »

I don't think I love him anymore.

Newstart2012 wrote: »

it's like I'm so used to having him around I can't see how I can finish it for good.

He is physically assaulting you in the same house your child lives in - its not so hard.... Was your child there at the time?

Whats good about the relationship? Based on the above, there is no intimacy, he has no interest in getting worse and there is violence in the relationship.

MagicSean

I suggest you also get a domestic violence order. With children in the house it is a necessity to address this issue urgently.

Newstart2012

Things were Rocky before he lost his Job mainly with him drinking at weekends.

No she was out at a friends house at the time but came in about twenty minutes after he left to find me crying.

It's funny I have got no text or call all day hopefully he is as fed up as I am and I won't have to make the desicion

Thanks for all your replies I am really starting to see things for what they are, dead in the water.

davet82

Well at least he is out of the house, so it might be easier to tell him to stay there! i thought maybe the job thing might have turned things sour between you two (not condoning violence of any sort btw) but dump this guy quick for your own sake and particularly your child sake. You dont wont her growing up in an unhappy home and be at risk of or witnessing violence.

Best of luck

Newstart2012

Whoops just posted as my real username by mistake

Thanks Dave you are right I need to put her first in all this