I replused the guy I liked

LegacyUser

I cant really talk to anyone about this as I am embarassed-everyone thinks Im this really confident person with loads going for me, but inside right now am crumbling, and really maybe I dont have a lot of self-confidence. Its at an all time low now. Am a very decent person. But something happened about a week ago and after thinking about what happened, I feel so bad about myself.

Am 30 year old female, single. I met a man I really liked. Got to know each other a bit. One night, over a week ago, it went on to a kiss and a cuddle/feel in my place. We were kissing and he was putting his hands on my back. I have good skin in general, but my back always gives me trouble. Partly due being sunburned badly, a few times, when I was a child. The skin is pretty bad and never clears up. It rough and feels spotty. Not nice silky female skin. Sometimes its not too bad. Othertimes it flares up. Its like this all my life and I never thought about it/worried about it. Anyways, his hand went up my back and lost in the moment, I didnt realise where it was going. Looking back, he felt it and kind of stopped. I still hadnt realised.

Few minutes later, everything stopped. Like total disinterest in me. I can only think that he felt what was on my back and thought it was horrible. I feel disgusting. Like absolutely disgusting about myself right now. Next morning he left were hastily. Like couldnt get away from me fast enough. Ive never in my life had such an awful reaction to me. I dont think anything wildly of myself, but Im told am very attractive. When I was a teenager/early 20s, I was told I should model a few times, but wasnt interested in it. Thats kind of beside the point, but here Im trying to remember what it was like to feel attractive. I havent heard from him since. Fine. But its like I replused or repelled him, and it actually hurts like hell. I liked him and thought he would see me for the person I am, and not the person who has a problem with skin on her back. I know people will say well rid if he reacted like that, but I feel so bad I cant see through it right now. Its so unfair.

nonsmoker

Hi OP

Did you actually sleep with him, just asking as you said he left in a rush the next morning, if yes then thats probaly all he wanted and thats the reason he hasnt been in touch.

If nothing else happened after he felt your back and stopped maybe he just didnt want to get carried away and do anything else as sounds like you dont know each other that long?
Maybe he has a few hangups about his own body and it was to save his own embarrassment and this might explain why you have not heard from him as he is mortified of the way he acted.

We all get spots and have bad skin at times and if he did stop because of he felt a few spots then you are well rid!

LovelyLottie

I can empathise with your situation alltimelow. While i have perfectly clear skin on my face, on my back and shoulders i used to have quite bad acne. Not too bad now, but still not perfect. I'm hugely self-conscious about it and rarely wear anything backless etc.

For whatever reason, this guy has behaved quite unkindly towards you. He may have been turned off by the skin on your back (in which case, was he a flippin' supermodel himself?!), but maybe it had nothing to do with your skin - perhaps as the previous poster said he was only looking for a bit of fun, and that was that. Chances are even if you had perfect skin on your back, he still could have acted like this. You just don't know.

I think because you yourself are very conscious of the skin on your back, you've assumed that this is why he has not contacted you again.

It's hurtful that you haven't heard from him, but i think if he was a nice guy who was interested in getting to know you as a person, he wouldn't have run off because of the skin on your back.

If you're that bothered by your skin, you should perhaps look into possible ways of improving it (talk to your GP, but perhaps you've already done this) so that you are less self-conscious about it and so you can feel a bit more confident about your appearance. All the best.

LegacyUser

I'm not quite sure what to say to you other than to say I understand. I'm a woman and have struggled all my adult life with acne on my back. It was so bad that it bled at one stage. I've taken everything under the sun up to and including roaccutane. My back's not too bad now but I'm scarred for life. It isn't nice to have to warn a new man in my life that my back is scarred but that's the way I've handled the issue. It has also meant that wearing certain types of dresses is out of the question. Needless to say, I've not worn a swimsuit in years. I've never been able to find one that wasn't backless

Anyway, enough about me. Let's talk about you. Have you ever gone looking for help to sort out your back? To your GP, for example? I find that applying an over the counter lotion containing Alpha Hydroxy Acid lotion (i.e. Paula's Choice) helps. It exfoliates and softens the skin.

Aside from that, what can I say other than try not to get bogged down by this. It's regrettable that he behaved in this fashion but you cannot undo the past.

CyberJuice

highly unlikely the guy has stopped contact with you because you have a few spots on your back..thats not soemthing most guys worry about when they are lookin for a woman, some will be turned off by an over weight woman,other will not want to go near a woman with a face they find unattractive,others wont want women with flat chests and so on, but a few spots on the back that are covered up 90 percent of the time really is not something a man would refuse to have sex with you over.you say u have a nice rest of your body and your face so i wouldnt worry if i was you

you should try having them on your face and neck and then see how bad you repell people.

maybe he has problems and cant get an erection and got worried so he didnt wana go any further, mayb he blew his load in his pants while you were kissing, mayb he has a small penis and didnt want things to go any further just yet.mayb he has his own issues with his body that he didnt want you to see..

mayb he did sleep with u,u didnt say, but mayb this was all he wanted, a 1 night stand and now hes onto the next girl.could just be what he does.. or mayb your personality was annoying him but he doesnt wana tell you..

dont worry about your back OP its not really such a big issue and if that is the reason hes gone then so be it,let him go,he will never find a girl if he is gonna be so picky over little issues like this

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice and for posting. No we didnt sleep together. It just stopped. Stopped dead. Ive no idea why, only thing that made sense is that he didnt find me attractive (because of what he felt).

Yes, there are other possibilities why it just stopped like that. Dont think its body issues on his part. He seemed quite confident. I was only getting into it and feeling comfortable with him (only kissed for maybe a minute). Ive never had complaints in that department before, ever. Quite the opposite. It just stopped after he started to have a feel. Ill never know why. So am blaming myself. Why didnt I do this. Why didnt I do that.

On the side note I have tried some medications and treatments and it will always be the way it is. Ive had partners before and I never worried about it-didnt feel like Id to explain myself. Now I do and Ive no answers. Guess that something that has to come from within me.

newuser30

sorry to hear you are feeling like this. But i really think what might of happened from the sounds of it was he felt something, was surprised as wasn't sure what it was, and any 'surprise' or whatever, at that moment may have affected his erection so then immediately he started worrying and being paranoid about that and when a man worries about that its game over, so it turned into something completely about him rather than what might of started it! That's mostly the reason for stuff just completely stopping like that I would say. I would say he's as embarrassed as you.
I myself have an annoying habit of going on about things I'm a little insecure about, like I dunno 'warning' people or something about stupid things so that when they do notice they'll b like what are you talkin about and I feel better! So maybe if your paranoid in future just say you're a bit self conscious about this skin on your back and I bet the next man will be delighted to reassure you its fine!

Liam Byrne

OP it does sound like you're projecting a little.

It's understandable when you're conscious of something, but if you let it take over your mind you'll do yourself no favours.

No-one here can say for definite why he left; we might be well-meaning and say it's not what you think - and if we did that we could be either right or wrong.

But if that WAS what changed his mind - is he the type of guy you'd want to be with ?

Not one of us is perfect, be it skin, teeth, bellies, breasts (yes, some guys have "moobs"), a scar from an operation, a bald patch, hairy backs (generally a guy thing) or I've even met a stunner or two who had SERIOUS issues about the shape of her toes.

And that's not even going near general shape, hair colour, height or then personality and value and interests, beliefs, and whether someone is serious or casual, fickle or deep.

So if you were to mix all those into a bowl you'll get phenomenal variations.

He may have recently split with someone and then "the moment" didn't feel quite right because it wasn't his ex - he wasn't ready.

He may have psyched himself out re going too far the first night.

Just take it that - for whatever reason - it didn't happen, but don't project your own "maybes" onto it.

It may have been that or it may have been something completely different.

Best of luck!

ongarboy

Yes, I also think perhaps OP, it's an element of your own disatisfaction of your perceived bodily flaw that you are projecting on him. You may think that just because you are uncomfortable wiht the condition of the skin on your back, that he would be too. Perhaps when he felt the skin, he thought maybe he would hurt you if he caressed/rubbed you too passionately and pulled back out of consideration? Perhaps then your reaction and changed mood to what you perceived as rejection suggested to him that you were no longer interested in him and hence the hasty retreat the next morning?? I know this is just speculation.

Why not send him a casual text to ask him how he is and then if he responds, ask him does he have any plans for the weekend and take it from there. If he doesn't respond, just move on. It just means you two were not right for eachother. If an area of non smooth skin was his reason for fleeing, then you are well rid!

As an fyi, laser clinics do wonderful jobs these days for things like acne scar and/or other mark removal from skin. Maybe treat yourself to a consultation to see if this is something you would like to pursue

LegacyUser

Generally women are very self conscious about their bodies where men wouldn't notice, I couldn't personally see him leaving over that. I don't think most women have silky skin.
I would more than likely put it down to him, maybe he was getting hard or more that likely, he could have came. There would be no hiding that and the only option would be to get out of there.

Love_the_Void

Hi Op,

You seem lovely from your post. Terrible that this is having such an effect on you.

One of my past boyfriends had scarring and acne on his back and was very sensitive about it, to the point where he didn't want me to touch him there..
Like you, it could flare up or get better at different times. I'm not turned on by spotty backs but I cant imagine reacting like that guy. One of our sexiest moments when I think back on the relationship now was when he allowed me to touch and kiss his back for the first time. Once he let go he was really turned on and I felt great about it too.

I think its extremely shallow if this guy has been repelled by a few spots on your back! Are you sure this was the reason, or, is it possible that there are other issues (his issues)? ... I hope you can pat it on the head and it stops affecting you this way...

Best of luck:)

blue skye

I REALLY feel for you & completly understand where your coming from! I have really bad Psoriosis - on leg's, arm's, back, stomach !!! I am sooooo self concious about it!

I was with a chap last summer whom I didn't tell before we done the deed & he frecked out afterwards!!! It crushed my confidence big time so now I make sure I tell anyone I'm with before hand just to give them the head's up & also to make sure I will never be so embarressed ever again!!!!! 'He literally pushed me out the door! :mad:

I know it can be very soul destroying so I HEAR YA! BUT I would also say feck him!

Your skin dosen't sound so bad so I would say he was very fickle & stupid to say the least!

Foget him & move on but maybe next time before it get's to the 'touching stage' just tell them! Good luck to you.

ButterflyABC

alltimelow wrote: »

I cant really talk to anyone about this as I am embarassed-everyone thinks Im this really confident person with loads going for me, but inside right now am crumbling, and really maybe I dont have a lot of self-confidence. Its at an all time low now. Am a very decent person. But something happened about a week ago and after thinking about what happened, I feel so bad about myself.

Am 30 year old female, single. I met a man I really liked. Got to know each other a bit. One night, over a week ago, it went on to a kiss and a cuddle/feel in my place. We were kissing and he was putting his hands on my back. I have good skin in general, but my back always gives me trouble. Partly due being sunburned badly, a few times, when I was a child. The skin is pretty bad and never clears up. It rough and feels spotty. Not nice silky female skin. Sometimes its not too bad. Othertimes it flares up. Its like this all my life and I never thought about it/worried about it. Anyways, his hand went up my back and lost in the moment, I didnt realise where it was going. Looking back, he felt it and kind of stopped. I still hadnt realised.

Few minutes later, everything stopped. Like total disinterest in me. I can only think that he felt what was on my back and thought it was horrible. I feel disgusting. Like absolutely disgusting about myself right now. Next morning he left were hastily. Like couldnt get away from me fast enough. Ive never in my life had such an awful reaction to me. I dont think anything wildly of myself, but Im told am very attractive. When I was a teenager/early 20s, I was told I should model a few times, but wasnt interested in it. Thats kind of beside the point, but here Im trying to remember what it was like to feel attractive. I havent heard from him since. Fine. But its like I replused or repelled him, and it actually hurts like hell. I liked him and thought he would see me for the person I am, and not the person who has a problem with skin on her back. I know people will say well rid if he reacted like that, but I feel so bad I cant see through it right now. Its so unfair.

Any guy who would not want to be with you over a few spots is shallow and not worth your time. It might not have been the reason though as other posters have said. It could be something completely different and unrelated to you at all. You seem to be focusing in on your back, it's terrible to feel that way but alot of people have bad skin. Please don't feel bad about yourself because it's not your fault.

Fenian Army

Bit unfair on the guy I think, could have been any number of reasons

You seem quite self conscious about it, when her touched it did you tense up or something or gave a reluctant vibe (kinda hard to explain) I had a gf once who hated people touching her hair, of course when I kissed her I would put my hand behind her neck, or brush her hair aside or something and she would emit this vibe of uncomfortableness and kinda reluctance/unhappyness, killed the mood dead (I know I've explained it badly but you know what I mean. It felt like she didnt want to kiss me.)

Secondly he could have felt it and thought it was a rash or something, bit of an "ah jayzus" moment but if it was the former he could have felt that you just werent into him, that would explain why he left hurriedly. People underestimate how sensitive men can be over things like that.