new guy - bedroom issues already

LegacyUser

I've been dating a guy for a while, as in we've been out together about 6 times. We've slept together twice now, after the last date and the one before that. There's tonnes of sexual chemistry between us from the start, and I know this goes both ways. He's kind of an alpha male - a real guys guy, very good looking and charming, women seem to make a beeline for him and he's very confident in every way. Similarly, I am no wilting wallflower, and I'm certainly considered outgoing, popular, attractive and all the rest (not blowing my own trumpet but just letting you know the dynamics of this, sorry!!). But when it comes down to it, despite all the heat between us, he hasn't been able to...you know...or at least he finds it very difficult. We laughed it off, and I improvised and everything was fine - I certainly didn't make an issue out of it as I know these things happen. But this is twice now. Is this normal? It has never happened to me and I've had several sexual partners. It was very frustrating so I suppose I would hope it wasn't a permanent thing. It seems strange that he's so confident and then this happens...do you think he just doesn't like me? He's definitely done all the running so far so it can't be that. Guys advice appreciated, sorry its a bit graphic!

nowyouresix

Sorry, can you be a little more precise? Has he managed to do the deed, but not get to the climax.....or has the manager not stood to attention ???

Da Shins Kelly

I don't understand what you mean.

nowyouresix

"But when it comes down to it, despite all the heat between us, he hasn't been able to...you know...or at least he finds it very difficult."

What I mean is - what was he not able to do...
1: cum
2: get it up

panda100

Do you mean he can't get it up??Common in guys that drink or after a drinking session,If thats what the problem is.

LegacyUser

sorry for the confusion - I mean, he has difficulty maintaining an erection. The first time I put it down to us having had a few drinks, the second time we were both sober. We did eventually manage to do it, with some manouvering on my part, but there were issues. I do appreciate your advice.

LegacyUser

There could be a number of factors that is giving him this problem and if you think it's bothering him you could slightly suggest him visiting the GP...

I know some medications (particularly most anti-depressants) can cause this, but it could simply be nerves. Try be patient with him, go for lots of foreplay and when you two are in a comfortable (/drunk) with each other bring it up. Tell him that you want to know what he likes in the bedroom and make it into a sexy conversation, rather than an interrogation. It could make him feel more comfortable.

kraggy

I'd say just continue to laugh it off and whatever else it takes for him to feel comfortable. Eventually it will come good. The problem could stem from a variety of things.

1. Alcohol
2. You're his first partner in a long time.
3. Just a nervous lad who is always like this at the start but always turns out to be the lay of his partners' dreams.
4. He hasn't been looking after himself lately (bad diet, too much booze etc)

Whatever it is, I strongly recommend giving him a few more chances. He could turn out to be the one. And for the record, contrary to what a lot of the wimmins think, our lads are not as reactive as you think. It's not a case of just touch it and PING! Just like a lot women, a lot of it is in our heads as well.

Have you gone too fast at it by any chance? Have you gone straight for each other's crotches? If so, slow things RIGHT down. Bit more teasing and foreplay. Take more time before ye have intercourse. That will surely help.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
I agree with above poster some guys, guys aren't just machines that are ready to go, you need to warm them up first.

Some guys need more work then others to get properly aroused and you need to push the right buttons. I would focus more on foreplay and see what he likes, when you get into the rhythm of that then it should go ok. it may seem daunting but if you feel he is worth it then put the work in.

Good luck

Dravokivich

I'd agree with a lot of what Kraggy has said above. There is a lot that'll play on a man's mind which'll stop him from being able to do it.

Saying "Bedroom Issues already" in your title makes it sound like you are applying pressure on the guy for sexual gratification (may not be the case but it's how it can come across) as soon as possible.

Just try to do things relaxed and slow, ye both seem to want to be together, it'll just take a little bit of time to get the kinks worked out.

AnonoBoy

He might like you. It's funny how with some guys the more anonymous and casual a fling is the easier they find it to perform. When emotions and nerves come into it they lose it.

LegacyUser

AnonoBoy wrote: »

He might like you. It's funny how with some guys the more anonymous and casual a fling is the easier they find it to perform. When emotions and nerves come into it they lose it.

Performance anxiety..."Stage fright" if you will...

More of a willingness to try and please, and went things appear not to be working as quickly as you think it should then the nerves really kick in and a complex starts to form!

Try and more subtle approach and let him take charge...

Casillas

You seem to like this guy and it sounds like he likes you. If you're patient it's easy enough to sort out physical problems. I wouldn't sacrafice what could turn out to be a great relationship so easily. Give him a chance.