is my new husband cheating?

LegacyUser

Background info: got married last year to the father of my 2 kids which i was overjoyed about. I met him on a work night out a good few years ago. He had been dating another girl in the company but had split up at the time we met. We had unprotected sex the night we met(i was on pill and antibiotics at the time) and i found out i was pregnant shortly after, as i had bee back at doctors regularly for check ups. We gave the relationship a go and stayed together. I heard through other colleagues that they hadn't actually broken up, only had an argument and that when stories of us going home together had gotten around the company that she was upset and very embarrassed. I know they were broken up though.

He used to complain a lot that we weren't having enough sex but i feel its fine and that he's pestering me. He goes out every fri after work and sometimes is only an hour but other times it can be 5 am when he's back. He's always been one to hold back but i felt it was worse recently. Now everything is a bit different. He used to get upset that our lives didn't turn out to be as good or as exciting as what he wanted but now he's smiling, joking, talking about how great life is, more involved with the kids and even singing in the shower. He's completely stopped pestering me for sex. So it seems that things are great except for below....

I found out through a friend that he's in contact with the girl he was with before me. He hasn't said anything and i'm afraid to ask because the answer could destroy my world. My friend works in the same company that the girl is at now although she doesn't know her well. She's seen my husband coming to meet her and says they chat and hug etc and look very happy when they meet. I asked my friend what is the girl like but she doesn't really know her. Says she is very attractive, slim, gym girl and takes great care of herself but not a dolly bird and she's very friendly and easy going. I asked my friend to try to get info on her but she said she's uncomfortable doing that because its her workplace.

If i didn't know he was meeting this girl i would feel great about our marriage now. But i can't help but wonder are all these positive changes due to my husband seeing this girl again. His phone is going off more than usual but he's not disappearing a lot like they say cheaters do.

I was paranoid after we stayed together that he was only with me for the baby. Back then i was pretty sure that if we hadn't of gotten pregnant he would have tried to go back to her.

Thanks for reading, i feel a bit better for getting it all down on paper. Does it seem like he is cheating or doing what exactly?

LovelyLottie

I won't hazard a guess at what's going on, but if you're not happy with him meeting up with his ex, you need to speak to him about it.

Talk to him and tell him how you feel. See what he says and take it from there.

Good luck.

rainbowtrout

unloved wrote: »

Background info: got married last year to the father of my 2 kids which i was overjoyed about. I met him on a work night out a good few years ago. He had been dating another girl in the company but had split up at the time we met. We had unprotected sex the night we met(i was on pill and antibiotics at the time) and i found out i was pregnant shortly after, as i had bee back at doctors regularly for check ups. We gave the relationship a go and stayed together. I heard through other colleagues that they hadn't actually broken up, only had an argument and that when stories of us going home together had gotten around the company that she was upset and very embarrassed. I know they were broken up though.

How do you know?

unloved wrote: »

He used to complain a lot that we weren't having enough sex but i feel its fine and that he's pestering me. He goes out every fri after work and sometimes is only an hour but other times it can be 5 am when he's back. He's always been one to hold back but i felt it was worse recently. Now everything is a bit different. He used to get upset that our lives didn't turn out to be as good or as exciting as what he wanted but now he's smiling, joking, talking about how great life is, more involved with the kids and even singing in the shower. He's completely stopped pestering me for sex. So it seems that things are great except for below....

Why the sudden change? He wanted more sex than you did, he wasn't happy with the situation. It sounds like that situation hasn't changed yet he's in great form. Why? I can't imagine that he just decided that he didn't mind all of a sudden.

unloved wrote: »

I found out through a friend that he's in contact with the girl he was with before me. He hasn't said anything and i'm afraid to ask because the answer could destroy my world. My friend works in the same company that the girl is at now although she doesn't know her well. She's seen my husband coming to meet her and says they chat and hug etc and look very happy when they meet. I asked my friend what is the girl like but she doesn't really know her. Says she is very attractive, slim, gym girl and takes great care of herself but not a dolly bird and she's very friendly and easy going. I asked my friend to try to get info on her but she said she's uncomfortable doing that because its her workplace.

You do not trust your husband knowing that he's meeting this girl. You don't want to know why he's meeting her because you don't want to hear the truth. Why wouldn't your husband mention that he was meeting her especially if it was on a regular basis?

As long as this goes on, whether there is anything in it or not, you are going to be miserable wondering what is going on instead of dealing with reality.

unloved wrote: »

If i didn't know he was meeting this girl i would feel great about our marriage now. But i can't help but wonder are all these positive changes due to my husband seeing this girl again. His phone is going off more than usual but he's not disappearing a lot like they say cheaters do.

I was paranoid after we stayed together that he was only with me for the baby. Back then i was pretty sure that if we hadn't of gotten pregnant he would have tried to go back to her.

You're not happy with him meeting this girl and this situation will not change unless you talk to him about it. You might not like what he has to say though.

So I suppose the question is do you want to be stuck in a relationship which makes you miserable and paranoid for the sake of staying in a relationship and not rocking the boat, or do you want to tackle what is going on and deal with the outcome whatever it may be?

I know that if I was married and my husband was meeting his ex regularly and it hadn't ended on amicable terms where the relationship had moved into friendship that would be a huge alarm bell for me.

theg81der

Come on OP you know the answer don`t you? thats why your afraid to ask. I take from your statement at the end of your first paragraph that you do you upmost to delude yourself about this relationship but even the fact that you posted here shows that its become to obvious for you to ignore.

Find someone who`s not a liar and cheat because he is. Don`t you deserve better? Don`t you deserve someone who really loves you? Doesn`t your child deserve a happy secure mammy? Wasting your time OP.

LegacyUser

Sounds like a tough place to be. To be honest from your post it sounds like you never had a great relationship. Is it possible he feels he was trapped by the pregnancy? As for them seeing each other, their relationship didn't have a natural end, he decided to stick by you which is admirable but in this case its entirely possible that he or she has left over feelings from their relationship. From your post it sounds like you are quite insecure and like you don't have great communication with your husband. I think you should sit him down and get answers for your questions but only when you are ready to hear the answers. They might just be friends and he could be happy just to have her friendship but if he's keeping it from you that speaks volumes about trust. Are you two able to talk to each other about these things or would one or both of you go off? She might not even know he is married. Also I think its wrong of you to try to pressure your friend into getting involved. Its your relationship for you but for her its her job. Good luck!

username123

sunflower27 wrote: »

Where does he say he is until 5am? Seems a bit immature a married man of 2 going out on work nights and coming home at that time. How does he function the rest of the weekend then?

I agree with this. My husband could roll in at 4am once or twice in a year on an exceptional night out (school friends xmas do maybe) but he would not do it frequently and if he did I would not be happy at all.

I think you need to confront your husband as to why he is meeting up with his ex.

There is no point in being afraid to find out the truth. It cant be any worse than what you are imagining and it may not be anything at all. But you need to talk to him.

LegacyUser

I know they were broken up because i have trusted my husband on his word.

I'm worried if i confront him that i know he is meeting this girl then he just won't meet her at her work so i won't know. I do know that she works ina customer facing role so i have thought about just going into her work and pretending to be a customer and see what personal info i can get out of her.

Yes he has said he felt trapped by the pregnancy but he stayed with me and eventually he finally married me so he is my husband now and not free to meet other girls.

I don't knnow if she knows if he is married or not actually.

If i ask where has he been, he just says he was out.



I thought our relationship was always fine, if he didn't want to be with me he would have said it. He offered to stay so obviously he wanted to be with me. As i said he tends to hold back emotionally a bit and it got a little worse but then he seemed to become happy all of a sudden so i thought it was great, that he'd finally stopped pestering me for sex and stopped always being in a bad mood and complaining about our lives but now i know he is meeting thihs girl, i just don't know.

I don't delude myself about the relationship. We are married now and thats that. His place is with me not seeing other women. My friend pointed out that she never saw them kiss hello, only hug so she thinks they are friends only but i'm not happy with that at all. I don't want him near this girl at all

nowyouresix

Sorry op but the equation is all there. You just haven't put in the equals sign in your head. You know what's going on, but you don't really want to know. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck.
It's really hard to break up a family unit, and it's even harder when he's going around all happy and nice. Some people can put the knowledge they have in the back of their mind and continue as if nothing is going on, and others can't. Could you accept the situation? If you can't then you've got to start formulating your exit plan. Don't do anything rash, and keep your cool.
Good luck !

Sleepy

A man who's wife thinks he's "pestering" her for sex when he's trying to initiate it is not in a happy relationship in his opinion.

rainbowtrout

unloved wrote: »

I know they were broken up because i have trusted my husband on his word.

I'm worried if i confront him that i know he is meeting this girl then he just won't meet her at her work so i won't know. I do know that she works ina customer facing role so i have thought about just going into her work and pretending to be a customer and see what personal info i can get out of her.

Yes he has said he felt trapped by the pregnancy but he stayed with me and eventually he finally married me so he is my husband now and not free to meet other girls.

I don't knnow if she knows if he is married or not actually.

If i ask where has he been, he just says he was out.



I thought our relationship was always fine, if he didn't want to be with me he would have said it. He offered to stay so obviously he wanted to be with me. As i said he tends to hold back emotionally a bit and it got a little worse but then he seemed to become happy all of a sudden so i thought it was great, that he'd finally stopped pestering me for sex and stopped always being in a bad mood and complaining about our lives but now i know he is meeting thihs girl, i just don't know.

I don't delude myself about the relationship. We are married now and thats that. His place is with me not seeing other women. My friend pointed out that she never saw them kiss hello, only hug so she thinks they are friends only but i'm not happy with that at all. I don't want him near this girl at all

OP, You may believe in marriage in terms of 'for better or worse, till death do us part ' or something like that but he clearly doesn't. The fact that he's married won't stop him. No point wasting time getting info on this girl either, she's not the problem, your husband is. You are avoiding confronting him because you won't like the answer he'll give you.

Kimia

unloved wrote: »

I know they were broken up because i have trusted my husband on his word.

I'm worried if i confront him that i know he is meeting this girl then he just won't meet her at her work so i won't know. I do know that she works ina customer facing role so i have thought about just going into her work and pretending to be a customer and see what personal info i can get out of her.

Yes he has said he felt trapped by the pregnancy but he stayed with me and eventually he finally married me so he is my husband now and not free to meet other girls.

I don't knnow if she knows if he is married or not actually.

If i ask where has he been, he just says he was out.



I thought our relationship was always fine, if he didn't want to be with me he would have said it. He offered to stay so obviously he wanted to be with me. As i said he tends to hold back emotionally a bit and it got a little worse but then he seemed to become happy all of a sudden so i thought it was great, that he'd finally stopped pestering me for sex and stopped always being in a bad mood and complaining about our lives but now i know he is meeting thihs girl, i just don't know.

I don't delude myself about the relationship. We are married now and thats that. His place is with me not seeing other women. My friend pointed out that she never saw them kiss hello, only hug so she thinks they are friends only but i'm not happy with that at all. I don't want him near this girl at all

OP, you speak about your husband really strangely, like he's a possession of yours or something. You say 'he's MINE now' as if you are happy to finally won him and that will be that. Only it's not.

If he did feel trapped by your pregnancy and stayed with you out of duty - is that enough for you? It doesn't sound like you ever were really in love - you sound like you were/are a little obsessed with him being yours but love? I'm not sure.

You can't force someone to be with you. It appears that he is with you in body but he's checked out in every other way. I would talk to him about it and see if there's a way to try and get him to focus on your relationship.

LegacyUser

Op seriously do not start stalking this girl at her work. The answers you're looking for should come from your husband. Speak to him.
I don't mean this in a bad way but from your posts I get the impression that marriage was a sort of finish line for you? Do you put in an effort for him or he for you?
Was his relationship with this girl serious or just fun? Did you and he date in between your first night and finding out you were pregnant?
If he has told you he feels the pregnancy trapped him, that he's not happy with your lives or with your sex life, and you've done nothing, then he's already told you an awful lot but you don't want to hear.

LegacyUser

Hidey ho wrote: »

Op seriously do not start stalking this girl at her work. The answers you're looking for should come from your husband. Speak to him.
I don't mean this in a bad way but from your posts I get the impression that marriage was a sort of finish line for you? Do you put in an effort for him or he for you?
Was his relationship with this girl serious or just fun? Did you and he date in between your first night and finding out you were pregnant?
If he has told you he feels the pregnancy trapped him, that he's not happy with your lives or with your sex life, and you've done nothing, then he's already told you an awful lot but you don't want to hear.

Ha ha i don't think trying to find out if the slag is sleping with a married man, my husband, is stalking! Women who sleep with married men are despicable, and the deserve all the hassle they can get.

Of course when we got married it was a finish line, we were married and that is that, his place is with me. I should know what he's doing all the time and he should not be doing things i don't like. And i don't like him seeing this girl. He would know exactly what i'd think of her if he told me he saw her again. I would be furious.

We didn't date between our first night and finding out about the pregnancy, as i said it wasn't that long. After we decided to give it a chance i saw he and her were no longer talking in work and he told me she had changed her phone number so she obviously accepted that he was meant to be with me and now she's going back on that. I don't think they were ever really serious about her. He told me that when they split up they were looking to rent together but that doesn't indicate anything serious.

He hasn't told me anything hidey ho, thats the point!!!

Kimia i do not think he is a possession but he has made a commitment to me, it took a while to finally do it but he has and now he's going back on that which he just can't. He obviously loved me to marry me.

Rainbowtrout, of course this girl is the problem, my husband wouldn't be doing all this without this girl. He's better looking than me and has women throwing themselves at him all the time, but nothing happened. Its all only changed because of this girl. I thought he had decided to be a better husband but then i found out that all these positive changes are probably due to him seeing her! I'm enraged.

NicsM

unloved wrote: »

Ha ha i don't think trying to find out if the slag is sleping with a married man, my husband, is stalking! Women who sleep with married men are despicable, and the deserve all the hassle they can get.

Of course when we got married it was a finish line, we were married and that is that, his place is with me. I should know what he's doing all the time and he should not be doing things i don't like. And i don't like him seeing this girl. He would know exactly what i'd think of her if he told me he saw her again. I would be furious.

We didn't date between our first night and finding out about the pregnancy, as i said it wasn't that long. After we decided to give it a chance i saw he and her were no longer talking in work and he told me she had changed her phone number so she obviously accepted that he was meant to be with me and now she's going back on that. I don't think they were ever really serious about her. He told me that when they split up they were looking to rent together but that doesn't indicate anything serious.

He hasn't told me anything hidey ho, thats the point!!!

Kimia i do not think he is a possession but he has made a commitment to me, it took a while to finally do it but he has and now he's going back on that which he just can't. He obviously loved me to marry me.

Rainbowtrout, of course this girl is the problem, my husband wouldn't be doing all this without this girl. He's better looking than me and has women throwing themselves at him all the time, but nothing happened. Its all only changed because of this girl. I thought he had decided to be a better husband but then i found out that all these positive changes are probably due to him seeing her! I'm enraged.

OP, I rarely post in PI/RI but after seeing this I had to reply-you think this girl is the problem? The sole source of your issue with your husband? It's an oft repeated phrase but it takes two to do anything and I doubt your husband is being dragged along to see her.

You say he would know exactly what you think of her if he told you he was seeing her-that's a pretty big if OP, you need to confront him about this. If you are that enraged then act upon it; tell him that you know he has seen her, instead of holding all this anger towards this girl, take control of the situation. It may destroy your world but if there is anything untoward going on, would you not rather know now as opposed to further down the line?

One thing I have to ask, you say marriage is the finish line but do you love your husband? I ask because you didn't mention love once in your first post.

I know it's a horrible situation to be in but blaming someone else is not going to fix things; you cannot stop this girl from seeing your husband but you can stop yourself being dragged down.

theg81der

unloved wrote: »

Ha ha i don't think trying to find out if the slag is sleping with a married man, my husband, is stalking! Women who sleep with married men are despicable, and the deserve all the hassle they can get.

Of course when we got married it was a finish line, we were married and that is that, his place is with me. I should know what he's doing all the time and he should not be doing things i don't like. And i don't like him seeing this girl. He would know exactly what i'd think of her if he told me he saw her again. I would be furious.

We didn't date between our first night and finding out about the pregnancy, as i said it wasn't that long. After we decided to give it a chance i saw he and her were no longer talking in work and he told me she had changed her phone number so she obviously accepted that he was meant to be with me and now she's going back on that. I don't think they were ever really serious about her. He told me that when they split up they were looking to rent together but that doesn't indicate anything serious.

He hasn't told me anything hidey ho, thats the point!!!

Kimia i do not think he is a possession but he has made a commitment to me, it took a while to finally do it but he has and now he's going back on that which he just can't. He obviously loved me to marry me.

Rainbowtrout, of course this girl is the problem, my husband wouldn't be doing all this without this girl. He's better looking than me and has women throwing themselves at him all the time, but nothing happened. Its all only changed because of this girl. I thought he had decided to be a better husband but then i found out that all these positive changes are probably due to him seeing her! I'm enraged.

This woman may have no idea he`s married how dare you call her a slag and blame her! Your married to him OP not her. And you just said she changed her number at the start of your relationship - so why would that have been, could it be because she found out you were expecting and she is honerable enough to step back even thou he was plaguing her? and what if she had accepted him even thou he had another woman pregnant - would he have been with her or you, what do you really think?

Your purely delusional I genuinely think you need help of some sort beofe you do something stupid. I`ve just spent the last 6 years nursing a friend through a relationship like this - she attacked other women to the point where they all ended up in the garda station, she just couldn`t see what was blatently obvious to everyone else. I had to take her to a mental hospital over him!

He has just recently admitted to all the cheating and lies obviously because in the face of absolute evidence she still couldn`t accept what was in front of her. He knew she wouldn`t move on till she heard it and do you know she still doesn`t even fully get it I`m sure.

Please OP please wake up!

LittleBook

unloved wrote: »

He used to complain a lot that we weren't having enough sex but i feel its fine and that he's pestering me. He goes out every fri after work and sometimes is only an hour but other times it can be 5 am when he's back. He's always been one to hold back but i felt it was worse recently. Now everything is a bit different. He used to get upset that our lives didn't turn out to be as good or as exciting as what he wanted but now he's smiling, joking, talking about how great life is, more involved with the kids and even singing in the shower. He's completely stopped pestering me for sex

unloved wrote: »

he has said he felt trapped by the pregnancy but he stayed with me and eventually he finally married me... he tends to hold back emotionally a bit and it got a little worse but then he seemed to become happy all of a sudden so i thought it was great, that he'd finally stopped pestering me for sex and stopped always being in a bad mood and complaining about our lives but now i know he is meeting thihs girl, i just don't know.

unloved wrote: »

So it seems that things are great except for below....

This does not strike me as a happy marriage.

unloved wrote: »

don't think they were ever really serious about her. He told me that when they split up they were looking to rent together but that doesn't indicate anything serious.

They were planning on moving in together, to me that indicates something serious.

unloved wrote: »

Ha ha i don't think trying to find out if the slag is sleping with a married man, my husband, is stalking! Women who sleep with married men are despicable, and the deserve all the hassle they can get ...of course this girl is the problem ... Its all only changed because of this girl

It never ceases to amaze me how people can blame anyone else but themselves for the breakdown of their marriage. You don't even know if there's anything going on between them, yet you're comfortable with having your friend spy on this girl and planning on stalking her.

Talk to your husband, sort yourselves out before you inflict your issues on someone else.

Daisy M

Well wheather it turns out that your husband is having an affair or not one thing is for sure, your marriage is in trouble. Forget about why you got together do you even love one another? It sounds as though you feel like he has "settled" for you due to circumstances and that you were lucky to marry him. That is not how someone should feel in a happy marriage. This talk about him pestering you for sex can you clarify please? I am getting the impression that you are no longer having sex that to me rings very loud alarm bells. It is one thing one partner not wanting sex as much as the other but it is totally different when it has stopped completely or you only do it to keep him happy.

This other woman owes you nothing she has made no commitment to you so while I do understand you anger towards her it is misplaced. You need to find out what is going on asap but if you do find out there is no affair please dont think you have no marriage problems because you sure do.

LittleBook

unloved wrote: »

I met him on a work night out a good few years ago. He had been dating another girl in the company but had split up at the time we met ... I heard through other colleagues that they hadn't actually broken up, only had an argument and that when stories of us going home together had gotten around the company that she was upset and very embarrassed. I know they were broken up though.

I wonder ... did you believe they had split up when you slept with him or did he just confirm this for you afterwards?

LegacyUser

unloved wrote: »

Ha ha i don't think trying to find out if the slag is sleping with a married man, my husband, is stalking! Women who sleep with married men are despicable, and the deserve all the hassle they can get.

Of course when we got married it was a finish line, we were married and that is that, his place is with me. I should know what he's doing all the time and he should not be doing things i don't like. And i don't like him seeing this girl. He would know exactly what i'd think of her if he told me he saw her again. I would be furious.

We didn't date between our first night and finding out about the pregnancy, as i said it wasn't that long. After we decided to give it a chance i saw he and her were no longer talking in work and he told me she had changed her phone number so she obviously accepted that he was meant to be with me and now she's going back on that. I don't think they were ever really serious about her. He told me that when they split up they were looking to rent together but that doesn't indicate anything serious.

He hasn't told me anything hidey ho, thats the point!!!

Kimia i do not think he is a possession but he has made a commitment to me, it took a while to finally do it but he has and now he's going back on that which he just can't. He obviously loved me to marry me.

Rainbowtrout, of course this girl is the problem, my husband wouldn't be doing all this without this girl. He's better looking than me and has women throwing themselves at him all the time, but nothing happened. Its all only changed because of this girl. I thought he had decided to be a better husband but then i found out that all these positive changes are probably due to him seeing her! I'm enraged.

Op i hate to break this to you but marriage is not the finish line, its really the starting line.

You say they were moving in together and that you saw them together after you slept with him, but you and he didn't spend time together. Sounds like they were not broken up and unfortunately you were a one night stand to him. The girl changed her phone number, you don't do that for fun, you do that to stop unwanted contact. Have you any idea of the hassle it is to change a phone number??? You wouldn't do that unless you really did not want someone to contact you, which i suspect was your husband.

Op i really think you should look at going to counselling to get help with her percieve and act on things, and i think you should ask her husband to attend couples counselling also.

I find it hard to believe that while you're trying to push your friend into spying on her colleague, and you are plannign to stalk/harass someone in their workplace that you still won't simply ask your husband what is going on.

On the chance that he and the girl are simply just friends, or just people catching up, he may not have told you just because of what he thought your reaction could be, and from your posts it sounds like anyone should expect a crazy reaction. You say that women throw themselves at him all the time but its only this girl that bothers you? Why?

You don't know if your husband is sleeping with this girl, you don't know if she knows he's married, (wedding rings are easily taken off btw) but yet you're quick to call her a slag and plan on approaching her in her work. You really really need to see that this girl is not the problem and you and your husband have issues you need to work out together. Good luck op

username123

OP, you are totally deluded.

unloved wrote: »

Ha ha i don't think trying to find out if the slag is sleping with a married man, my husband, is stalking! Women who sleep with married men are despicable, and the deserve all the hassle they can get.

No. Married men who break their vows are despicable. Single women are entitled to sleep with whoever they like. It is not up to a single woman to morally enforce the commitment of married men she comes across. Your husband is responsible for his own behaviour.

unloved wrote: »

Of course when we got married it was a finish line, we were married and that is that, his place is with me. I should know what he's doing all the time and he should not be doing things i don't like. And i don't like him seeing this girl. He would know exactly what i'd think of her if he told me he saw her again. I would be furious.

This is like a childs view of marriage. Marriage is a relationship and all relationships need to be worked on. There is no such thing as a 'finish line' in a relationship - except maybe the one that comes when the relationship breaks up.

Why on earth should you know what your husband is doing all the time? He married you, he didnt become a co-joined twin with you.

unloved wrote: »

We didn't date between our first night and finding out about the pregnancy, as i said it wasn't that long. After we decided to give it a chance i saw he and her were no longer talking in work and he told me she had changed her phone number so she obviously accepted that he was meant to be with me and now she's going back on that. I don't think they were ever really serious about her. He told me that when they split up they were looking to rent together but that doesn't indicate anything serious.

Meant to be with you? Or trapped by a pregnancy?
Obviously if they were looking to rent together it was extremely serious - the next most serious move is marriage! You are totally deluding yourself here.

unloved wrote: »

Kimia i do not think he is a possession but he has made a commitment to me, it took a while to finally do it but he has and now he's going back on that which he just can't. He obviously loved me to marry me.

Of course he can go back on it - again, I think you are deluding yourself here. He may have gotten married for any number of reasons, for the kids, for a quiet life, because of family pressures, because there were no better options at the time etc..... People marry for all sorts of reasons and it is not mature to assume the only reason is love. You yourself describe how he wasnt happy after you got married, what does that tell you?

unloved wrote: »

Rainbowtrout, of course this girl is the problem, my husband wouldn't be doing all this without this girl. He's better looking than me and has women throwing themselves at him all the time, but nothing happened. Its all only changed because of this girl. I thought he had decided to be a better husband but then i found out that all these positive changes are probably due to him seeing her! I'm enraged.

How is that the girls fault? Do you honestly not see that it is your husbands behaviour that is the problem here? If it wasnt this girl it could be another.

I am actually feeling sorry for your husband here. You come across as completely deluded, angry at the wrong person, its worrying that you describe your husband being unhappy but that you did nothing to change it, its also worrying that you describe your husband trying to initiate sex as pestering you.

It sounds like you dont have any respect for your husband and that you only view him as some kind of possession whose wants or needs are irrelevant. So long as he plays happy families with you, you dont seem to care whether or not he is happy.

Its a very sad situation. You need to communicate with your husband, but given how you have spoken about him here I dont know if you are capable of actually listening to him or only hearing what you want to hear.

LegacyUser

Op i hate to break this to you but marriage is the starting line not the finish line.

YA couple of things you said make it sound like you pestered him into marriage, is this the case or is this the direction he wanted to take your relationship? Things like, it took he long enough but he finally did it, are concerning.

As more details of his previous relationship comes up it sounds more to me like they weren't broken up when you were with him and that she likely broke up with him when she found out he had fathered a child. You say that after you slept together you and he didn't see each other, but you did see him with her and that she had to change her number. Changing your number is a huge pain in the ass, you don't do it unless you REALLY want someone to stop contacting you.

Op i honestly think you should look at getting counselling for yourself, for how you preceive and react to things. None of your behaviour here is normal and sounds like you can't cope really. I also think you should attend counselling with your husband as clearly you two don't hear each other yourselves so maybe the help of a third party might yield some results.

Honestly i think you should really stay away from this girl and stop trying to push your friend into spying on her colleague. I can't believe you are planning on harassing someone or confronting them in their place of work rather than SPEAK TO YOUR HUSBAND!

The girl may not even know he is married, wedding rings can be easily taken off and you don't even know if they have kissed let alone had sex or started an affair.

unloved

unloved wrote: »

Ha ha i don't think trying to find out if the slag is sleping with a married man, my husband, is stalking! Women who sleep with married men are despicable, and the deserve all the hassle they can get.

jesus h christ, HE is the married one. HE is the one with responsibilities, HE is the one who is cheating with you.
calling her a slag and launching this attack is trying to deflect blame so you can play happy families. well, whether he is cheating or not, you are not happy families and YOU need to put more effort in.

Of course when we got married it was a finish line, we were married and that is that, his place is with me. I should know what he's doing all the time and he should not be doing things i don't like.

:eek::eek:
that is, eh. :eek:
i think maybe you should talk to someone.

Rainbowtrout, of course this girl is the problem, my husband wouldn't be doing all this without this girl.

He could as easily be doing it with another girl.

It's not her you need to look at, it's him and your marriage. Obviously he shouldn't cheat, but if you regard any sexual relationship as "being pestered", well.