Self Confidence.

selfconfidence

Hi all i'm a 20 yr old male and fairly outgoing sometimes head out 2 times a week. Anyway I lack self confidence espically around girls its really frustrating. Over the past few i've got talking to 2 girls who I fancy and I know that they like me because they told a few mates of mine that they like me but when I get talking to them I get lost for words don't know what to say and I dont wanna make any moves in case I do something wrong like silly thing is I know they like me and I like them. I don't know how many girls i've lost due to my indecisiveness. Its got to the point now where I have to do something about it before i'm left with no one.
I think silly thoughts like "oh what if i get off with her and she has a boyfriend " silly things like that
Any tips?

Taltos

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Taltos

Overheal

Sounds like you don't have much experience being around girls in general. Try being friends with a few first. You'll build up confidence in talking to girls in no time.

selfconfidence

Overheal wrote: »

Sounds like you don't have much experience being around girls in general. Try being friends with a few first. You'll build up confidence in talking to girls in no time.

Its not that I can't talk to them its just that my "chatting up " skills aren't up to scratch :pac: any tips?

Overheal

selfconfidence wrote: »

Its not that I can't talk to them its just that my "chatting up " skills aren't up to scratch :pac: any tips?

Stop thinking as though you're chatting them up I would reckon. Everytime I got with someone we just clicked there was no effort involved. Some girls like cheesy lines though so wtf do I know. It's all about your personality or confidence and not any one thing you say or dont say.

selfconfidence

Overheal wrote: »

Stop thinking as though you're chatting them up I would reckon. Everytime I got with someone we just clicked there was no effort involved. Some girls like cheesy lines though so wtf do I know. It's all about your personality or confidence and not any one thing you say or dont say.

Cheers for the advice.

One final question, say a girl is giving me the signals how do I get this silly thing out of head " aww what if she has a boyfriend " silly i know :mad: but still annoying :pac:

MagicSean

You remind me of a younger me. Before I started going to the gym I always had dount like you. I got a bit of self confidence and changed my attitude when I went out. Instead of worrying about scoring I decided to focus on having a good night with my mates. Let things happen naturally. Some people just aren't meant to be players.

Overheal

selfconfidence wrote: »

Cheers for the advice.

One final question, say a girl is giving me the signals how do I get this silly thing out of head " aww what if she has a boyfriend " silly i know :mad: but still annoying :pac:

So what if she does? Worst thing that will happen is a bit of back and forth flattery and "I have a boyfriend" comes up and you're thinking 'drat'. But you tried.

Hell I just dropped hella money on 2 dates New Years eve and a few days after. When she told me later in the week she wasn't really feeling any spark was I hurt? Honestly, no. Can't blame a pair for not bonding. Do I regret trying? HeLLLL no. I had a great time, even if it went nowhere. And I realised I used the word hell a lot in this post.

You regret the things you don't do FAR more often than the things you don't do.

msg11

I'll be honest here, anytime I have tried chatting up anyone it never worked. What "worked" was just chatting too them as a normal person, asked for a number, text them the next day. If we got on, I would ask them out, suppose just as friends, if ye click take it too the next level. These things take time to develop out, they don't really happen over night.

I also lack confidence around girls too, but once you build on something with one person it won't ever matter and the conversation just flows.

Scanlas The 2nd

Hey op, don't be afraid of making mistakes or being rejected. Just keep approaching women and you get better at it as you become more relaxed. Focus on amusing yourself, make an effort not to walk off without trying to move things forward, be it taking her number or kissing or whatever.

Over time none of this will phase you and women start to pick up on your care free attitude and love it. For your nervousness I'd read the power of now.

the quick fix

Scanlas is absolutely right. You have to stop worrying and throw caution to the wind. I, like you over analysis situations. You need to just go for it and stop listening to that brain of yours for once or you will just end up convincing yourself not to go through with it. Failure is a part of life but at least people who fail try.

If its the talking that you have difficulty with why not join an online dating site and get used to sending messages and talking to girls over that. There are pictures ye sure but in order to go further is to have a personality so in that situation all you have is your words. Sure that is the way I did it. Its a good way to gain confidence regardless of what other posters opinions of online dating sites are. I was self conscience and shy and so bad at talking to women but i got confidence over those sites and I am actually with a girl 3 years now from it so hopefully that will give you more options and ideas.

Miss Fluff

Have you read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway? If not I recommend you get it. The premise being that whatever happens you can handle it. So if the girl you ask out has in actual fact got a boyfriend what is the worst that can happen? Is the World going to end? Are you going to humiliate yourself by crying uncontrollably in front of her? No. Read that book and I think it will help you enormously with your lack of confidence.