Give Me a Really Sarcastic Way of Ending a Friendship Forever...

Vivara

Basically, someone has been a total dick and resigned from a position in such a way that it makes me look really bad. I once considered him an extremely close friend...

I want to say something like:
"That is the last time I ever want to be graced by your presence", but that doesn't seem sarcastic or elegant enough for my needs.

I want something that is so good that he won't be able to respond he will be so shocked...

But it has to be elegant, not stupid...

V.

EDIT: See Post #11 for Clarification

Samich

Ride me sideways

Babybuff

Tell him you love him, watch him run

im invisible

Smell ya later... Smell ya later forever

IrishEyes19

Honestly, if you act that childish, you're guaranteed he wont respond.
Suck it up and try and end a bad situation amiably or if it's not reparable, ignore the guy and get on with your life.

later12

Ignore him.

If he considers himself a friend of yours, turning a cold, uncaring shoulder will have a far greater impact than any one-liner you might offer.

If he doesn't consider himself a friend of yours, he's likely to scoff at whatever one-liner you offer anyway, regardless of how smart it seems.

krudler

fuck off cuntface.

keep it simple.

pebbles21

Just call him a cunt!

Vivara

Forgot to clarify, this will be in PERSON. I will be handing him an acceptance of resignation letter and then I will say what I want...

And TRUST ME, I have tried to end it amicably and in a mature way, but what he did takes the cake...

So any elegant responses?

I have heard the 'take a shíte in/on his X'... my favourite being 'take a shíte in his gear bag'...

V.

Babybuff

so is it a boss or a friend?

edt;sorry just caught the letter of resignation part

strobe

Vivara wrote: »

Forgot to clarify, this will be in PERSON. I will be handing him an acceptance of resignation letter and then I will say what I want...

And TRUST ME, I have tried to end it amicably and in a mature way, but what he did takes the cake...

So any elegant responses?

I have heard the 'take a shíte in/on his X'... my favourite being 'take a shíte in his gear bag'...

V.

What did he do? We need background info if you want something good. C'mon, spill it.

Chuck Stone

Be like a Honey Badger. Don't give a shit.

IM0

I wouldnt piss on you if you were on fire after you fell out of the ugly tree
you bollox you *shake fist*

I wouldnt piss on you if you were on fire, Id sell tickets to homeless people to decide who got to throw more petrol on :mad:

bang door for extra effect

if there were prizes for everybody that is a prick, youd grab two wouldnt you.. you greedy bollox :mad:

stupidusername

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Be like a Honey Badger. Don't give a shit.

them feckers are the business.

R.D. aka MR.D

Say something like 'i'm disappointed' or 'i thought you were better than this'. In the long run that will have more impact.

Gandalph

Buy him a box of roses and eat all the strawberry ones, thats a big middle finger if I ever did see one.

Dotrel

Gandalph wrote: »

Buy him a box of roses and eat all the strawberry ones, thats a big middle finger if I ever did see one.

Eh? I've a tin of them in my kitchen and nothing left but all the strawberry and a few orange. They're mank.

HazDanz

Here's my resignation now off with yourself you pringle popping prick.

Jazz hands out the door then

Sindri

If we win do receive a cash prize.

I'll PM you my address.

PrettyBoy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcYENaQW-Fc

stupidusername

Dotrel wrote: »

Eh? I've a tin of them in my kitchen and nothing left but all the strawberry and a few orange. They're mank.

Send em this way.lets call it a late christmas present.or an early birthday present.

Jay D

Here's my direct line for references, I'll sum you up nicely.

Chuck Stone

stupidusername wrote: »

them feckers are the business.

Yep.

Not a single fuck does the Honey Badger give.

dave3004

Coward.

Always find that word cuts deeper than most !

Sindri

The most sarcastic, biting (I think you're looking for biting) thing to do-

Is tell him your promoting him.

Vivara

Sindri wrote: »

If we win do receive a cash prize.

I'll PM you my address.

Yes, the prize is €1000, but first you'll have to pay a transfer fee of €400 which we be reimbursed upon payment. I'll send you the Bank Transfer details there...

In all seriousness, I've tried this ignoring him business but it just doesn't satisfy it for me. I want him to know I am disappointed in him... that's good, but I want to do it in a clever and elegant way...

Is there a more elegant way of saying you are disappointed, with slight sarcasm?

Like 'I've never been more disappointed in my life' but more elegant? :rolleyes:


V.

Sindri

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Yep.

Not a single fuck does the Honey Badger give.

:eek:

How do they reproduce man?

Gandalph

Dotrel wrote: »

Eh? I've a tin of them in my kitchen and nothing left but all the strawberry and a few orange. They're mank.

This. is. absolute. blasphemy.

Vivara

Sindri wrote: »

The most sarcastic, biting (I think you're looking for biting) thing to do-

Is tell him your promoting him.

He was my right-hand man, who resigned due to other commitments. We then had a personal argument several weeks later, and he decided to do a revised letter incorporating the unrelated personal stuff and sending it to the chairperson of the board of directors, too, even though it is my sole prerogative to appoint/dismiss/accept resignation. This makes me look really bad to the board, who already seem to have slight doubts about my managing style.

V.

Sindri

Vivara wrote: »

Yes, the prize is €1000, but first you'll have to pay a transfer fee of €400 which we be reimbursed upon payment. I'll send you the Bank Transfer details there...

In all seriousness, I've tried this ignoring him business but it just doesn't satisfy it for me. I want him to know I am disappointed in him... that's good, but I want to do it in a clever and elegant way...

Is there a more elegant way of saying you are disappointed, with slight sarcasm?

Like 'I've never been more disappointed in my life' but more elegant? :rolleyes:


V.

1. Take a seat.
2. Light your pipe.
3. Sit him on your knee.
4. Tell him you are very disappointed.
5. Offer to play baseball with him.

Sindri

Vivara wrote: »

He was my right-hand man, who resigned due to other commitments. We then had a personal argument several weeks later, and he decided to do a revised letter incorporating the unrelated personal stuff and sending it to the chairperson of the board of directors, too, even though it is my sole prerogative to appoint/dismiss/accept resignation. This makes me look really bad to the board, who already seem to have slight doubts about my managing style.

V.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Dotrel

Vivara wrote: »

to the board, who already seem to have slight doubts about my managing style.

They're not the only ones.

Jay D

Vivara wrote: »

Yes, the prize is €1000, but first you'll have to pay a transfer fee of €400 which we be reimbursed upon payment. I'll send you the Bank Transfer details there...

In all seriousness, I've tried this ignoring him business but it just doesn't satisfy it for me. I want him to know I am disappointed in him... that's good, but I want to do it in a clever and elegant way...

Is there a more elegant way of saying you are disappointed, with slight sarcasm?

Like 'I've never been more disappointed in my life' but more elegant? :rolleyes:


V.

It's strange how sometimes you completely misjudge someone you thought was a friend. Good luck in finding a new job.

You're smart but disappointed and still coming across as someone he should not have let down, my two cents.

Vivara

Dotrel wrote: »

They're not the only ones.

I see what you did there. And I think you're probably right, actually.

_AVALANCHE_

Vivara: "Most cutting insult Afterhours can come with"
C-untface: "Your're Vivara!!!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL"

From what you've said OP, it doesn't look like it'll matter what you say to him.

Karona

Get the wooden spoon to him, who needs disappointment when the wooden spoon is out!

Sindri

If you want him to know how disappointed you are tell him. And tell him how badly his actions reflected on you.

Also apologise to the board.

Babybuff

learn from the experience and move on

CliffHuxtabel

Shoot him in the head and then say "Consider that a divorce"

stupidusername

Say i'm disappointed in you.how much? This much.
Then kick him in the nuts and walk out.

The King of Moo

Vivara wrote: »

Yes, the prize is €1000, but first you'll have to pay a transfer fee of €400 which we be reimbursed upon payment. I'll send you the Bank Transfer details there...

In all seriousness, I've tried this ignoring him business but it just doesn't satisfy it for me. I want him to know I am disappointed in him... that's good, but I want to do it in a clever and elegant way...

Is there a more elegant way of saying you are disappointed, with slight sarcasm?

Like 'I've never been more disappointed in my life' but more elegant? :rolleyes:


V.

Then being sarcastic is not such a good idea as he might not pick up on the sarcasm, though like Sindri, I don't think sarcasm is what you're asking for.
BLAST
Anyway, my boring answer is to tell him exactly how disappointed you are in the clearest possible fashion.
HIM
If you come out with a clearly pre-prepared cutting remark, then it might seem like you're exaggerating.
WITH
Don't leave any room for misinterpretation or ambiguity and just come out and say how you feel.
PISS
If you're as disappointed as you say you are then it'll show, even if you feel that your words don't convey your disappointment.

MungBean

The fact that you want him to know how disappointed you are by being "elegantly sarcastic" basically means your a dick, you do realise that ?

opinion guy

When did after hours become 90210 ?

OP needs to grow up and be professional methinks

ChairmanCow

Its the only way to do it!

dave3004

At the next board meeting …. Hide in the ice sculpture !

Sindri

I really want to buy a prostitute so if you do what I said, can I please have the money.

If your in management you must have plenty and all my ideas are intellectually copyrighted and I am entitled to a commission.

nice_very

very very very dissapointed nobody suggested blasting him with.... his ma..


anyway, OP I would (when he walks in to the office).. offer to shake hands then point at the chair saying "have a seat"..

followed by a "what can I do for you?"

when he hands over letter, open it, read it grinning, toss it into bin saying "excellent"

call security (if you have in work - if not, responsible person) then, when they get there....

stand up offering to shake hands, by the time he is on his feet hand out, you are opening the door, grinning, saying to the security guy.. "accompany Mr. Name to the front door please..

while he is still within earshot slam the door of your office, shouting yessssssss, or woo-hooooooo

Vivara

nice_very wrote: »

very very very dissapointed nobody suggested blasting him with.... his ma..


anyway, OP I would (when he walks in to the office).. offer to shake hands then point at the chair saying "have a seat"..

followed by a "what can I do for you?"

when he hands over letter, open it, read it grinning, toss it into bin saying "excellent"

call security (if you have in work - if not, responsible person) then, when they get there....

stand up offering to shake hands, by the time he is on his feet hand out, you are opening the door, grinning, saying to the security guy.. "accompany Mr. Name to the front door please..

while he is still within earshot slam the door of your office, shouting yessssssss, or woo-hooooooo

Would be funny, except he has already handed me his resignation... Policy states I have to accept it first and he is still working on his 15 working day notice.

What I need is something to say when I hand him my resignation letter. I think on the professional side (trust me, I am actually professional), I do agree that saying I'm really disappointed is the best. However, now I suppose I want to know how to hit him hard with what I say and make him feel bad... i.e. disappointed but +1000. Possible?

V.

stupidusername

Am I missing something,he gave you his resignation and now you're giving him yours? Isn't it usually your superior you give it to?

If he's a dick he probably wont care whatever you think of him

nice_very

Vivara, is he leaving or you? or both? why do you have to give him a resig letter? how long have you, so I can think...

face1990

stupidusername wrote: »

Am I missing something,he gave you his resignation and now you're giving him yours?

'Tis very confusing. OP hasn't explained it well.

My advice, grow up and get over it.