advice please

LegacyUser

Hi everyone , i've contemplated posting this issue for a long time now but always chicken out . As a child i suffered sexual abuse at the hands of a family member and now as a mid 30 year old this still deeply bothers me and causes me tremendous pain , i feel my life has always been a dirty little secret , i never spoke out as a child and even to this day very few people know what i've experienced , every so often i get bouts of anger and i get consumed by my past , however hard i try i cant trust anyone and feel so alone with all this , i havent left the house in a few days now and its all been triggered because a childhood friend attempted to hug me , i know this guy would like more than friendship from me and i've always made it clear that we will never be anymore than friends , his attempt at a hug has totally set me back (silly i know ! ) i would not have reacted this way only for the fact that i know he would like more . I've tried counselling , support groups etc but nothing works for me , i know exactly why i act the way i do, at times i get so angry especially with myself , i feel like my childhood has moulded me into who i am today and in general i am strong and i use my own experiences to help others but when i get down i get really down , today i feel like i dont know myself or who i am and i wonder who i'd be if all this hadnt happened to me , i have a daughter and when i look at her wonderful innocent little face my heart breaks , i wonder how could anybody hurt something so precious or innocent and i make sure that nobody ever gets the opportunity to steal her childhood , i am over protective and i cant stay in a relationship as i find it impossible to trust anyone around her , i could rant here for ages and i'm sorry if some of what i type isn't clear and concise as emotions are running high at the moment ,
My question is , has anybody else experienced this or does anybody have any advice on how i can kill off the dark days and let some sunshine in ?

Miss Fluff

You poor girl, how awful for you. I know you've said you've tried counselling but I do think it is hugely beneficial for victims of abuse and those who suffer from PTS. Would you think about giving it another try? Have you been in touch with www.oneinfour.ie? They may be in a position to advise on a really good counsellor who specialises in cases like yours and I do think if you can find the strength within yourself to give it another try (with a good counsellor) it could benefit you enormously and help you build the like you deserve.

Morag

i would suggest that you to talk to a counselor who can help you deal with this.

LegacyUser

Been there, done that and bought the t-shirt! I'm a victim of child abuse and have certain triggers that set me right back. Only my immediate family know and my mother talked me out of going any further when I was 13 using how it would affect everyone else as an excuse. Soon after I turned 18 the guy who abused me until I was 13 died and I could no longer take action.

I react badly to people creeping up on me, any uninvited touching and certain words weirdly. After trying so much I settled on hypnosis to help reduce my reaction or to zone out when people insist on hugging me. Funnily enough most friends just see it as a 'thing' that I have and never question it. I let people know when I'm uncomfortable if possible and mostly people react by apologising. I also decided to 'confront' my mother about her decision not to take it further or let me take it further and she shocked me by saying she will carry that regret to her grave. This truely helped me with the anger/resentment/shame that I felt. It still sometimes overwhelms me and I go into myself completely but these incidents are not as frequent as before. It does help that I have a husband who supports me fully and knows when to hold me together and when to let me crumble.

You need to speak to someone so this does not overtake your life as it currently is and the first place would be back to GP to discuss other options you might have in addition to what you've tried already.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys , but i've tried counselling sevral times over the years and it never works , i fully understand everything i do but i cant stop myself or change .

LegacyUser

poorYou wrote: »

Been there, done that and bought the t-shirt! I'm a victim of child abuse and have certain triggers that set me right back. Only my immediate family know and my mother talked me out of going any further when I was 13 using how it would affect everyone else as an excuse. Soon after I turned 18 the guy who abused me until I was 13 died and I could no longer take action.

I react badly to people creeping up on me, any uninvited touching and certain words weirdly. After trying so much I settled on hypnosis to help reduce my reaction or to zone out when people insist on hugging me. Funnily enough most friends just see it as a 'thing' that I have and never question it. I let people know when I'm uncomfortable if possible and mostly people react by apologising. I also decided to 'confront' my mother about her decision not to take it further or let me take it further and she shocked me by saying she will carry that regret to her grave. This truely helped me with the anger/resentment/shame that I felt. It still sometimes overwhelms me and I go into myself completely but these incidents are not as frequent as before. It does help that I have a husband who supports me fully and knows when to hold me together and when to let me crumble.

You need to speak to someone so this does not overtake your life as it currently is and the first place would be back to GP to discuss other options you might have in addition to what you've tried already.

Thank you so much for responding you sound a lot like me




I have a lot of difficulties with my mother surrounding this issue , i have never had the conversation with her as i know she would side with her perverted brother , part of me believes that she knew what was happening and did nothing , i never remember having a good relationship with her and now i avoid her as much as i can , both my sisters know and it has hurt them deeply , one of them blocks it out and the other tries to over compensate by buying me gifts etc , thankfully it didnt happen to them and they recall certain incidents from when we were growing up . I know i will always have to keep my secret as it would hurt the people i do care about and cause a huge rift in the family , also i feel weak and ashamed , i dont want people to know , i dont want sympathy , i have a lot of good times and enjoy a lot of life , part of me is missing and i dont want to grow old hiding the truth or spend the rest of my days alone because i cant trust anyone enough to let them close . I really dont want to be like this

LegacyUser

inpain2012 wrote: »

Thanks guys , but i've tried counselling sevral times over the years and it never works , i fully understand everything i do but i cant stop myself or change .

You are not going to change, what happened to you is huge and it will be with you forever more. Counselling is not your only option, there is so much out there that may help and you just need to find something that works for you, it could be something like a knitting class that helps distract you or perhaps you need to confront what has happened to you such as speaking about it with others. I never found counselling useful as I felt like I was being made to relive the whole ordeal so perservered until I found hypnosis

Go to your GP and discuss your options and remember there should be no expectation for you to change