marraige problems

LegacyUser

just want to get other peoples ideas on this..i'm married to a polish girl for the last four years and we have a little girl of one year.when our daughter was born my mother inlaw came over to help which my wife wanted and i ok'd.while my wife was in hospital her mother was far to intense knocking on my door at eight every morning making sure in went into the hospital to visit.when the child came home she bullied her way into everything like when child cried straight into the room she'd come ignore us and pick the baby up.she had my wife convinced that she couldnt cope herself and when she finally left after two she sent over a nanny for a further two months evening though my wife was on maternity leave. A couple of months later my wife still convinced she couldnt cope packed her bags and went home to poland for what she told me would be a month turned out to be over three months.... anyway thats the past but now my wife has her parents coming over twice a year for a period of a month at a time and its driving me crazy.her father lies on the sofa i the kichen all day watching tv and her mother busies around all day this is just to much for me and ive got to the stage that im getting ignorant to them.I said that ten days was long enough for a visit and my wife reckons im being mean and there is no changing her mind im really thinking of walking out and this marraige im up the walls my family which are in tipp she has no interest in and wont spent any time down there.its at the stage where her mother has complete control over our child when she is over im at a complete loss as to why my wife lets this happen ...

Reesy

Hello OP,

Sorry to hear that. How about you both go for some counselling? It sounds to me like your Mrs has some explaining to do, but maybe she's got some complaints about you, too.

Good luck.

Ham Sambo

Perhaps now that you both have a new baby all the attention is not focused on you, sorry but thats my opinion and no disrespect intended, but perhaps your wife could not cope on her own with a new baby and thats where her Mum comes into the frame.

Elmidena

You have a family with the woman, not her parents. I know two months a year is a lot of time though, but they don't see their grandchild for the rest of the year unless there are holidays to Poland involved. Talk to your wife and say it's making you uncomfortable in your own home, if they have to stay a month to get a bnb or something, or stay for 10 days in the house (compromise). If neither is agreeable, I recommend taking your daughter to Tipperary a few times whether your wife comes or not--sounds like you need a break and it's still family bonding.

Personally the mother is the problem IMHO. Since pregnancy she's put the idea in your wife's head that she couldn't cope hence the nanny etc, and so your wife probably believes she's not up to scratch with mothering now as a result. Reassure your wife she does a great job by herself (if she does) and show she has a lot of capabilities that seem to be shot down by her overbearing parents.

canonball5

Jaysus, it sounds like you just wrote about my life..

Ickle Magoo

Cannonball5, feel free to start your own thread in RI/PI but this thread is for constructive advice for the OP.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

LegacyUser

I tried bringing daughter to tipp ands its such a show down with big arguments i thought i better leave it not expose my daughter to that.and as my wife is not working she will spend about a month over in poland this summer.I went crazy when i heard they were coming over for 5 weeks ...for those of you that say i should be understanding i tell you its impossible for the last weeks ive had no say over anything in the house much less anything about my daughter.i know you say its the mothers fault and partly this is true but my wife should not expose me to this its not fair.instead of getting better its getting worse she is talking about her parents moving over this really is destroying our marraige.my family have not seen my daughter at all over christmas and are really upset over it.i have to admit marraige is going end thats how i feel.

Elmidena

Your daughter's a year old. She'll scream her head off for any given reason, but you do NOT want to let your wife's issues with Tipperary develop any further. Have a full on row if it's what it takes, but it's a good foothold for your family to be excluded and your wife's family to encroach and suffocate you. Do you want to look down the line and have a daughter who knows one lot inside out, but always wonders where her Irish roots are and why she can't see them? She's your daughter too, and you have every right to take her to visit her grandparents etc if you want, your wife has no right to an objection when she's making you want to leave the marriage because of her family!

Kimia

OP it's time to stand up for yourself for gods sake. You are letting your wife and her family walk all over you to the point where you won't even take your daughter to see your family? Madness. It sounds like you just want an easy life but then get annoyed because you give in too easily. The solution to this is to become more assertive and put your foot down with things that bother you.

Pataman

Grow a spine. Tell your wife its 50/50, organise a trip for them around Ireland. Ok her parents are over for 5 weeks but thats what happens when you marry a foreign national. If the situation were reversed, you living in Poland, would she complain about your parents coming over.
You want to give up a marriage and break up over something as simple as that, get over it

PS How about some punctuation and spaces. It makes it easier to read.

Ickle Magoo

Pataman, telling posters to grow a spine or get over it does not constitute constructive advice on how best to tackle their issue.

As per the charter:

Reply to threads in a civil and well phrased manner, remember being a Personal Issues board the contents of some threads may be very close to people's hearts.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

XarcherX

You have to put your foot down.. I'm in the exact same situation as u are, bf polish with a 1 yr old... I've had blazing rows regarding bringing her to my parents in tipp and his parents outstaying their welcome in our house...It seems the more you let this happen the more it will seem like you're backing down and agreeing to it.
You seriously need to sit down with yor wife... There has to be give and take an equal amount of time if possible spent with both sides..
My parents live 20 minutes down the road and they get to see her once a week at most for an hour or 2...
If u count the number of months the polish grandparents are here it amounts to way more time spent with the child than ur own parents
Feel free to PM if u have an account.

Best of luck with whatever you decide

Taltos

Hi XarcherX,

if you have not already done so can you please review our Charter.
> It is not the done thing on the PI or RI forums to ask an OP to pm/msn/skype/email you.

We request that posters do not ask the OP to PM or contact them in any way, shape or form. Doing so can and does result in warning, infractions and even bans.

Thanks
Taltos

XarcherX

Ok sorry