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tick tock!!!

  • 09-01-2012 10:18am
    #1
    unsure what to do
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭


    Heres my Dilema:
    32 year old female (me) and 22 year old male met and fell in love seven months ago. We dont really have a problem with the age gap - he is far more mature than 22 and im probably a good bit imature for my age. We get on great, share common interests and really think this is it. We both work and study part time (evenings, weekends etc). However im finishing up my studies this year but he has 3 or 4 years to go before his are finished and gets a permanent job.

    In that 3/4 year time span it came up the other night that if we are going to have children together (which we both want) that at that stage we would need to be starting a family. Neither of us want to get to this stage without being married. This would mean getting married in the next two years. We would both love to build our house, be married and be fairly secure before we had children but with our circumstances these dreams would just not be possible.

    Is our age gap just too wide to have fun and achieve our goals before we need to consider children? Are we worrying too soon about this when we should be off having fun?? Should we just accept that life is not perfect and so what if we cant have our house etc before babies.What if the lack of times rushes us and we regret it in years to come?? Any advice or experience of this would be great :eek::eek::eek:


Comments

  • #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    My hubby is 8 years younger than me, but the difference is having children wasn't something we were interested in.

    Now only the two of you can decide on your future, but looking at it from the outside, it would seem to me that the lad should at least get to finish college and find a job before thinking about becoming a parent himself, never mind expecting him to be involved in building a house.
    That could be too late for you though.


  • #3
    ElleEm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭ElleEm


    unsure what to do wrote: »
    Heres my Dilema:
    32 year old female (me) and 22 year old male met and fell in love seven months ago. We dont really have a problem with the age gap - he is far more mature than 22 and im probably a good bit imature for my age. We get on great, share common interests and really think this is it. We both work and study part time (evenings, weekends etc). However im finishing up my studies this year but he has 3 or 4 years to go before his are finished and gets a permanent job.

    In that 3/4 year time span it came up the other night that if we are going to have children together (which we both want) that at that stage we would need to be starting a family. Neither of us want to get to this stage without being married. This would mean getting married in the next two years. We would both love to build our house, be married and be fairly secure before we had children but with our circumstances these dreams would just not be possible.

    Is our age gap just too wide to have fun and achieve our goals before we need to consider children? Are we worrying too soon about this when we should be off having fun?? Should we just accept that life is not perfect and so what if we cant have our house etc before babies.What if the lack of times rushes us and we regret it in years to come?? Any advice or experience of this would be great :eek::eek::eek:

    I think you just have to go with the flow and enjoy this lovely early stage of your relationship.

    It is natural to want to plan your future with the man you love, but there is so much uncertainty in the job front that so much could change for you both.
    There will be a point where your priorities change, you may feel like marriage is less important than starting a family, or you may want to buy a ready- made house to live in or rent one due to finances/ lack of.

    Myself and my partner had all the plans in the world when we got together 6 yrs ago. We thought by now, we'd be married, living in our own home and have a baby already but life stuff gets in the way and you realise that unexpected things can happen. Living in the here and now and being HAPPY with it is the most important bit.

    Try to talk about the future in a lovely dreamy way as opposed to the "tick tock" way you are thinking of it right now. You'll miss what's happening today if you are always thinking about what should happen tomorrow.


  • #4
    unsure what to do
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭unsure what to do


    Thanks guys- your right on all counts just needed to hear someone elses opinion. Think its time to getting back to life and quit worrying/fretting


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