Diet Tips, AH style

IvaBigWun

Since it's January and most of us (including me) will be starting the annual New Year detox and diet, what are your best tips for dieting? Best one I heard was from a friends trainer, "you have to burn more calories out than you consume in"

Simple when you think about it really.

Celly Smunt

Eat anything you like and only eat 2/3 of what you'd normally consume.

or man the F up.

membersonly

Dust?

stripysocks85

IvaBigWun wrote: »

Since it's January and most of us (including me) will be starting the annual New Year detox and diet, what are your best tips for dieting? Best one I heard was from a friends trainer, "you have to burn more calories out than you consume in"

Simple when you think about it really.

Oooh I said this just the other day! Look:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=76318850#post76318850

Find an exercise you ENJOY doing - it doesn't have to be a chore

I think that 'dieting' is useless unless you combine exercise.

hondasam

one meal a day, plenty of fruit and gallons of water. You will be slim in no time.

Tonyandthewhale

Learn to enjoy being fat.

Feeona

If there's an R in the month, don't eat. It's good for your liver.

sgb

Eat one large can of baked beans

Drink 8 pints of Guiness

Prepare for one hell of a dump in the morning

Half a stone gone

Chuck Stone

Eat less rubbishy foods.

Oranage2

yes

RichieC

Replace your tea and coffee with green tea.

Don't eat white bread, white sugar or take cocaine.. (avoid the white)

Don't complain about not being able to deny yourself the cake in the fridge. a more novel approach would be to not buy it in the first place.

Walk to the shops instead of driving.

marcsignal

Book into a North Korean labour camp for the month of February.

Coriolanus

For shame. Everyone knows the ah diet plan consists of coke and hookers.

Seriously though. Eat less. Exercise more. That's it.

CatFromHue

Have you tried the two sh*ts diet?

It's pretty simple without any calorie counting or anything like that.

Step 1: Don't eat sh*t.
Step 2: Do sh*t.

The only rule to remember is that sh*t does not mean poo.

ForeverYoung90

Ya it really is basically eat less and run more.:cool:

stimpson

He said AH style. Sperm contains hundreds of calories.

**** yourself thin.

cocoshovel

Take no food, water or money what so ever to work/college/where ever you go for the day. That way you wont be able to get any food in until you get home.

Micky Dolenz

Eat less. Move more.

IvaBigWun

cocoshovel wrote: »

Take no food, water or money what so ever to work/college/where ever you go for the day. That way you wont be able to get any food in until you get home.

The only slight problem with that is you might collapse/faint.

Ally Dick

Eat a tin of rancid tuna once a month, puke your ring up and you will keep the weight down nicely. You can stuff your face for the rest of the time

cocoshovel

IvaBigWun wrote: »

The only slight problem with that is you might collapse/faint.

Oh sorry, you can take water with you then because I forgot that doesnt have any weight effects on you really.

stupidusername

fap a lot more. seriously, i'm sure it burns quite a few calories - gets your heart rate up.

papajimsmooth

Get out of bed on non-dole days

Latchy

Substitute the fry up in the morning with a cereal like Granula .

Pace2008

IvaBigWun wrote: »

Best one I heard was from a friends trainer, "you have to burn more calories out than you consume in"

Simple when you think about it really.

That's not a "tip," it's all there is to it, really. You can lose weight on a diet of McDonald's and chicken fillet rolls and put on pounds eating organic whole foods, depending on the quantities you're ingesting. Calories in vs. calories expended.

hondasam wrote: »

one meal a day, plenty of fruit and gallons of water. You will be slim in no time.

Good chance you'd lose a decent amount of muscle while you're at it. Doesn't sound like a good diet at all.

Shryke

Increase your water intake, it gives you a fuller feeling. You'll eat less.
Cut out the sweets and especially the soft drinks. I stopped drinking them years ago. Now just looking at a can of coke I can't help but think, Jesus the amount of sugar in it, no thank you. Cut out the juice drinks too and don't go nuts on the fruit either. It's not going to do you that many favours tbh.
Lower the amount of carbs you're taking in. Raise the amount of protien and fat to compensate.
Importantly remember that loosing weight does involve some suffering. Your body goes WTF where's all the good stuff I was getting. It then acts like a possesive 5 year old with the fat about your body and gets all conservative and boring. You don't feel great and your belly wants more than its getting. This is the most important part of any change in diet. This is where you man up and put down the ****ing cake!
I lost a few stone a couple of years back. It's not that hard, just takes some effort. Best of luck to anybody trying!

Since it's AH I'll throw in cockwanketc.

Tesco Massacre

stupidusername wrote: »

fap a lot more. seriously, i'm sure it burns quite a few calories - gets your heart rate up.

I wholeheartedly endorse this exercise regime.

It's left me lean, mean and with one hell of a right bicep.

Logical Fallacy

hondasam wrote: »

one meal a day, plenty of fruit and gallons of water. You will be slim in no time.

Is that serious or a joke?

I need to tailor my reply accordingly.

Penn

stimpson wrote: »

He said AH style. Sperm contains hundreds of calories.

**** yourself thin.

But don't eat your own cum because that's just putting those calories back into your body.

You're welcome.

TheZohanS

stimpson wrote: »

He said AH style. Sperm contains hundreds of calories.

**** yourself thin.

Incorrect. A dollop only contains 4 calories and sperm also prevents breast cancer.

hondasam

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

Is that serious or a joke?

I need to tailor my reply accordingly.

I survive on it. My meal would be ham/salad wrap, bowl of cereal if I'm Hungry.

Chipped Nails

Never start a diet on a Monday,in January or on the 1st its too hard to get to the end of the week,the month or the year.

IvaBigWun

hondasam wrote: »

I survive on it. My meal would be ham/salad wrap, bowl of cereal if I'm Hungry.

:eek:

stupidusername

TheZohan wrote: »

Incorrect. A dollop only contains 4 calories and sperm also prevents breast cancer.

is that by eating it, or by smearing it on?

kowloon

Eat what you like, the stress of a diet is much more hazardous to your health than the bacon.

Logical Fallacy

hondasam wrote: »

I survive on it. My meal would be ham/salad wrap, bowl of cereal if I'm Hungry.

I'd normally advocate multiple small meals throughout the day. It makes life a lot easier as it keeps your blood sugar balanced, your energy up and helps deal with cravings.

Basically the one meal a day thing is quite unhealthy and mostly unhelpful as you are making your life more difficult than it needs to be.

It's not about surviving, it very easy to eat healthy and often, maintain a great physique and not have to do faddish diets.

Oranage2

Honda did say slim -

One meal a day of less than 500 calories and also the gym for 3-4 weeks will make you lose 2-3 stone.

You might be a little lethargic and have mood swings by the end but you'll be 'slim' and if you only do it for a month followed by a healthy eating plan then there's not a lasting bad health effect -

hondasam

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

I'd normally advocate multiple small meals throughout the day. It makes life a lot easier as it keeps your blood sugar balanced, your energy up and helps deal with cravings.

I don't have cravings for food, coffee and cigs yes.

Basically the one meal a day thing is quite unhealthy and mostly unhelpful as you are making your life more difficult than it needs to be.

My life is not difficult because of food.

It's not about surviving, it very easy to eat healthy and often, maintain a great physique and not have to do faddish diets.

I don't do diets, it's my normal eating habits. It's because of working shift work tbh. I know it is unhealthy.

TheZohanS

stupidusername wrote: »

is that by eating it, or by smearing it on?

Not 100% sure...probably best to try both..

Dotrel

Cut calorie consumption in half by eating nothing for the next six months and then rewarding yourself with your regular intake for the six months after that.

Kiera

Dotrel wrote: »

Cut calorie consumption in half by eating nothing for the next six months and then rewarding yourself with your regular intake for the six months after that.

And enjoy all those beautiful stretch marks :P

stimpson

TheZohan wrote: »

Incorrect. A dollop only contains 4 calories and sperm also prevents breast cancer.

I'm not sure that's actually true, but if it helps you get a hummer from the missus it's worth a shot.

dxhound2005

Tapeworm? Everybody used to have them when I was a young fella. Probably can't get them now.

WindSock

Sleep loads. Less eatin that way.



Posted from my bedPhone

TheZohanS

stimpson wrote: »

I'm not sure that's actually true, but if it helps you get a hummer from the missus it's worth a shot.

A typical ejaculation fills up about one teaspoon; the actual amount is determined by a man's age (younger men usually make more semen), when he last ejaculated, and how long he's aroused before ejaculating, among other factors. Contrary to what you've heard, semen is not loaded with calories. Each teaspoon of ejaculate has about 5 - 7 calories and some 200 - 500 million sperm. Since sperm make up only about 1 percent of semen, what accounts for the other 99 percent? Well, its other ingredients include:

Fructose sugar
Water
Ascorbic acid (a.k.a., vitamin C)
Citric acid
Enzymes
Protein
Phosphate and bicarbonate buffers (bases)
Zinc
Can swallowing semen enrich a protein poor diet? Unless you're gulping gallons of it each day, it's no substitute for real nutritious cuisine! It may be a good idea to keep in mind safer sex practices when considering whether or not to swallow. Check out Oral sex risks with no condom for more information.

Source.

Additional source.

senorwipesalot

Get one of these home gastric bands .http://www.lovelyish.com/739045043/snapshot-diy-gastric-bypass-kit-for-sale-on-amazon/

stupidusername

WindSock wrote: »

Sleep loads. Less eatin that way.



Posted from my bedPhone

yeah, this definitely. sleep ****in rules.

the only thing is you'd have to worry about muscle wastage again.

kfallon

**** when you feel hungry, will take your mind off it!

Spunge

Fast for 16 hours every day

hondasam

kfallon wrote: »

**** when you feel hungry, will take your mind off it!

You feel hungry a lot?

Abi

IvaBigWun wrote: »

Since it's January and most of us (including me) will be starting the annual New Year detox and diet, what are your best tips for dieting? Best one I heard was from a friends trainer, "you have to burn more calories out than you consume in"

Simple when you think about it really.

Shyte. I hate when you do that, you get all serious and shit :pac:

stimpson wrote: »

Sperm contains hundreds of calories.

I am now a spitter :pac: