How do you deal with this?

LegacyUser

I'm in a long-term relationship and recently was contacted by an old acquaintance who asked how I was. I met up with her to try and figure out what made her get in touch with me - it seemed like she was wondering if I had any single friends, which made sense. She's good fun, so I met up with her again just before Christmas again (I should point out that she knows I'm in a relationship, and I made sure my girlfriend knew I was meeting this person and wasn't angry about it). This morning, I woke up and checked my phone, and I'd received a message from her which consisted of her telling me she thought I was great and that I should let her know if I ever ended up single again, but that she understood if I wanted to ignore the message.

What's the best way to deal with something like this? Do I just explain that I'm happy in my relationship and leave it at that? Do I cut off contact with her? She sent them while drunk, so I feel bad about the idea of ignoring her because of a drunk text that didn't actually cross a line.

Beruthiel

She got in contact with you in the hopes of rekindling your relationship.
Tell her you are not available and then cut contact.

Miss Fluff

What a beeatch. She's putting it on a plate for you eventhough she knows you're in a long-term relationship. She sent it "drunkenly" so she can use that as an excuse when and if you rebuff her but also use it as an opportunity to tell you that she's up for it.

Text her back and tell her you're in love with and committed to your other half and send her something patronising like wishing her well in her quest to finding happiness....she sounds like trouble so best avoided imho.

Big Bag of Chips

Awkward Texts wrote: »

I met up with her to try and figure out what made her get in touch with me.

What a strange thing to say! Most people would meet up to catch up, laugh about old times etc, but you decided to meet her "to try figure out what made her get in touch". Sounds to me like you're a little bit flattered that she contacted you.

Seems you had a fair idea why she contacted you from the start!

Did she used to fancy you when you knew her? Was there every anything between you?

Anyway, that's an aside... just reply and let her know that your gf wouldn't be too pleased if she thought you were lining up the next one for "just incase" this relationship ends! You can put a "lol" on the end if you want, and then wish her well with a closed ended.. "it was nice catching up. Take care" or something similar.

LegacyUser

BigBagOfChips: no, never had a thing with her before. I was curious about why she'd decided to get in touch, but refusing to go for a pint with her on the basis that I reckoned she had a thing for me would strike me as more than a little arrogant - particularly since she knew I was in a relationship. I thought it might be an outside chance, but I always got on well with her and didn't like the idea of ignoring her just in case she was after something else.

And yes, I am a little bit flattered. I'm inclined to allow myself that.

Also: thanks to each of you for your advice.

Miss Fluff

Awkward Texts wrote: »

And yes, I am a little bit flattered. I'm inclined to allow myself that.

That's a natural reaction. Just proceed with caution. She has put her cards on the table now so be cautious with the nature of your response and future interaction. This is how affairs start. I'm not suggesting that is where you intend to go, merely pointing it out :cool:

Elmidena

Throw this can of worms into a safe asap... it'll only brew trouble. She has nothing to lose and everything to gain, and it's not the dynamic your girlfriend was initially happy with at all now. This girl could easily be the apple of temptation even through silence, and she's planted the idea in your head now; best off to fall out of contact again and don't let the seeds of doubt and what ifs grow in your mind.

Also, her asking about single mates was most likely scoping out YOUR opinion of her; she may have been drunk but the truth would've outed anyway. If you love your partner, leave this acquaintance be; she's not worth risking the long stability you have in place, and even texts like that would be enough to make anyone's partner uncomfortable.

Big Bag of Chips

I don't think anyone would say you should have refused to go for a pint with her. But I think, from what you have said, you knew exactly why she got in touch.

Not saying this is your fault or anything! You aren't responsible for her and why she contacted you. But now you have to think whose feelings do you care about more? Hurting HER feelings by letting her down, or hurting your gf's feelings by not hurting the other one's feelings!

I think your best plan of attack is leaving her in no doubt that's there's not much point in you remaining in touch. It's not like she's a close friend and in your social circle.. so just send her a definite message that leaves no doubt that you are not going to become friends, and are not going to stay in contact.

It doesn't need to be rude, just definite. If she continues texting after that, you can then choose to ignore them.

That is of course if you don't want anything more to do with her, and want to remain with your gf....

Janet1986

This girl sent the texts to see how far she can push things.

I know the type, sending a slightly crossing the line text to see your response.

If you reply with yes i will contact you if i become single lol then she will push it further to naughty texts.

If you reply with thanks i'm flattered but i love my girlfriend, then she will say "god i'm very sorry, i was drunk when i sent that!"

Just tell her you are in a happy relationship and block her number!