Question about bisexuals...

eaglach

Just to start off, I'm a gay guy, early twenties. For a few weeks before Christmas I had been seeing a guy who labelled himself as bisexual - he had broken up with his girlfriend recently. I met up with him a good few times, had a great time. He seemed to be really into me. He would call me and text me, wanting to meet up a lot.

Then the week before Christmas he suddenly became very distant. I wanted to meet up with him but he kept making excuses (even though he wanted to meet the days before). He stopped texting me completely over the Christmas. This week I had enough of the waiting game and I texted him. He was all polite but after a few messages he told me that he had gotten back with his girlfriend.

Of course I was upset. What really annoyed me was that he was interested in me, but once his girlfriend reappeared he dropped me instantly.

The only reason I could come up with is that he is not comfortable with "gay relationships" and once he saw the opportunity of a "normal relationship" he jumped on it. I always wondered this about bisexuals - when it comes down to it, will they eventually always end up in a straight relationship, as it is an ultimately easier/hassle free life?

I just found it very odd that someone that was so into me would just drop me so quickly. Am I missing something?

foggy_lad

eaglach wrote: »

Just to start off, I'm a gay guy, early twenties. For a few weeks before Christmas I had been seeing a guy who labelled himself as bisexual - he had broken up with his girlfriend recently. I met up with him a good few times, had a great time. He seemed to be really into me. He would call me and text me, wanting to meet up a lot.

Then the week before Christmas he suddenly became very distant. I wanted to meet up with him but he kept making excuses (even though he wanted to meet the days before). He stopped texting me completely over the Christmas. This week I had enough of the waiting game and I texted him. He was all polite but after a few messages he told me that he had gotten back with his girlfriend.

Of course I was upset. What really annoyed me was that he was interested in me, but once his girlfriend reappeared he dropped me instantly.

The only reason I could come up with is that he is not comfortable with "gay relationships" and once he saw the opportunity of a "normal relationship" he jumped on it. I always wondered this about bisexuals - when it comes down to it, will they eventually always end up in a straight relationship, as it is an ultimately easier/hassle free life?

I just found it very odd that someone that was so into me would just drop me so quickly. Am I missing something?

They will ALWAYS chose a woman over what they see as nothing more than sex.

Annasopra

foggy_lad wrote: »

They will ALWAYS chose a woman over what they see as nothing more than sex.

absolute utter completely unfounded rubbish

Annasopra

OP - why do you assume that all bisexual are the same as the one you just described - that assumption makes no sense to me at all

Sonics2k

foggy_lad wrote: »

They will ALWAYS chose a woman over what they see as nothing more than sex.

That's just nonsense.

@OP
He did what millions of people of any sexuality do, and it will probably seem harsh, which it frankly is.

It seems to me that he basically used you to feel better about the fact he'd lost his partner, and though physical and emotional acts he felt better. It's not exactly an uncommon act.

The sad part is that he basically wanted a distraction and some fun, but probably still missed his partner and wanted to get back with her anyway, the gender of the 'ex' is irrelevant. He simple went back to his ex, after all, you two were never a couple where you?

Captain Graphite

How long was he with the girlfriend before they broke up? Maybe they'd been really serious and so when the opportunity came to get back together he went for it because he loves her (or if not love, then is serious about her at least.)

Let's say the ex had been a guy. How would you explain this scenario then? The only explanation I could think of is that he simply wants to be with that person, who he's been with before, more than he wants to be with you who he's just gotten to know. It doesn't mean that he wasn't into you, it just means that this ex means more to him (probably due to their history)

So him being bisexual may have nothing to do with it.

Having said all that, I don't agree with him stopping texting you and making excuses. That was a pretty lousy thing to do to you. He should have just been honest with you.

The only reason I could come up with is that he is not comfortable with "gay relationships" and once he saw the opportunity of a "normal relationship" he jumped on it. I always wondered this about bisexuals - when it comes down to it, will they eventually always end up in a straight relationship, as it is an ultimately easier/hassle free life?

Some might do that. But will all bisexuals always do that? No, of course not. That's far too big a generalisation to make.

Besides, who's to say the straight relationship would be easier? There's plenty of other things that can make a relationship difficult other than whether they're a same sex couple or not.

fillefatale

Sonics2k wrote: »

That's just nonsense.

@OP
He did what millions of people of any sexuality do, and it will probably seem harsh, which it frankly is.

It seems to me that he basically used you to feel better about the fact he'd lost his partner, and though physical and emotional acts he felt better. It's not exactly an uncommon act.

Exactly! This sort of behaviour is certainly not restricted to bisexuals. It's unfortunate OP, but its possible he was on the rebound and still retained feelings for his ex.

baby and crumble

eaglach wrote: »

...

The only reason I could come up with is that he is not comfortable with "gay relationships" and once he saw the opportunity of a "normal relationship" he jumped on it. I always wondered this about bisexuals - when it comes down to it, will they eventually always end up in a straight relationship, as it is an ultimately easier/hassle free life?

I just found it very odd that someone that was so into me would just drop me so quickly. Am I missing something?

OP, his girlfriend wanted him back. Obviously he still likes/loves her- of course he'd want her back in that case. That's not to say he didn't like you, but you guys were only going out casually for a few weeks, after a break-up; if you were a woman he probably would have been the exact seen when this ex came back on the scene, and equally if the ex was a guy he'd have done the same.

I know I talk about my GF on here a lot when these bisexual threads come up, but I have learned a huge amount from her, in particular around bisexuality. She's bi, and she has never stopped asserting that fact. She is attracted to men and women, and chooses to be with me because she loves me. In my estimation she could have her pick of men, and certainly has had a fair few offers/ possibilities in the 8 years we're together, but she hasn't. Because we love each other and it's right for us. For a long time I was like you- "she'll run back to men cos its easier..." I had to eventually call bull**** on my own brain, because honestly, I was talking rubbish.

Fact is, this guy was having fun with you, seeing where it led, but his ex, whom he clearly still had feelings for, came back on the scene so he picked her. I'm pretty sure his decision had more to do with his heart than the contents of other people pants.

Pimlico

I Have to say I kinda agree with foggy_lad. I know I'm not going to be popular for such an opinion but alas I can only base it upon my experience, my experience with several bi guys, may I add. I'm absolutely sure this is not the case in all circumstances but in my personal experience the bi guy has always gone for the girl in the long run.

Of course this doesn't represent all bisexual guys but I am merely stating what I have found from my experiences and surely what I have gone through cannot be labeled as nonsense as it has genuinely been my experience.

baby and crumble

I think a big problem here is that a lot of bisexuals who are in same sex relationships get immediately labelled as gay, and likewise for those who are in straight relationships, their attraction to the same sex gets erased by other people. So how do you know that half the gay couples out in the George some night aren't actually bisexual, but in a relationship with a man?

RiseToMe

My wife is bisexual. Says it all really.

When we got together I found it hard,like b&c, thinking she would find a guy who she liked and lets face it, a "straight relationship" is a lot easier in a lot of ways.

But no, we bought a place, we got married and we're now planning children. She still IDs as bisexual even though she's married to a woman but I understand why. ID is a vital part of each and every one of us.

So no, all bisexuals don't return to the straight relationship option.

stephen_n

OP you got involved in a rebound relationship and no matter how much it makes it easier to try and make it about the guys sexuality, that is the simple reality. He could just have easily been a gay guy going back to his male partner!

Bisexuality is very complex as there is a wide spectrum of attraction to encompass and very few fall evenly on it. I would say I defenitely have about a 70/30 split in favor of women but that is not predicated on fitting into social norms as if it did I would probably be in a relationship with a guy just to prove the point rather than take what you call the easy option. For me personally I would have a lot of trust issues when it comes to guys and have met very few that I have felt attracted to enough to have a committed relationship. That said I have only ever met 5 women I would do that with.

I have been with women more often than men when on the rebound and done exactly what this guy did with the OP so what does that say about bisexuals in your theory?

fluffybiscuits

eaglach wrote: »

Just to start off, I'm a gay guy, early twenties. For a few weeks before Christmas I had been seeing a guy who labelled himself as bisexual - he had broken up with his girlfriend recently. I met up with him a good few times, had a great time. He seemed to be really into me. He would call me and text me, wanting to meet up a lot.

Then the week before Christmas he suddenly became very distant. I wanted to meet up with him but he kept making excuses (even though he wanted to meet the days before). He stopped texting me completely over the Christmas. This week I had enough of the waiting game and I texted him. He was all polite but after a few messages he told me that he had gotten back with his girlfriend.

Of course I was upset. What really annoyed me was that he was interested in me, but once his girlfriend reappeared he dropped me instantly.

The only reason I could come up with is that he is not comfortable with "gay relationships" and once he saw the opportunity of a "normal relationship" he jumped on it. I always wondered this about bisexuals - when it comes down to it, will they eventually always end up in a straight relationship, as it is an ultimately easier/hassle free life?

I just found it very odd that someone that was so into me would just drop me so quickly. Am I missing something?

Perhaps the lad was at a phase of where he is finding himself and unfortunetly it was your good self who got caught up in the process. Dont blame him and dont blame yourself, blame the uncertainty that was there. Bisexual people are just that. Im a firm believer that sexuality is fluid, we can all drift in and out of relationships and bisexual,gay etc just describes our physical attraction. Its when we connect on an intellectual and emotional level that we learn.

jaffacakesyum

This is ridiculous. The exact same situation could have happened if he had just broken up with his boyfriend, started seeing you, and then ended it to get back with his ex boyfriend.

Bisexuality has nothing to do with it :rolleyes:

eaglach

Thank you all for your replies.

What you are saying about the whole me being the rebound guy makes sense. I was thinking this myself but I was hoping it wasn't true.

I thought him having the option of being with a girl over a guy was also a big incentive. I wondered this before I met him about bisexuals - given the choice of dating two people, a guy and a girl, I would assume they would choose the girl, especially if they aren't totally out of the closet.

What really surprised me about the whole thing was him dropping all communications with me. He was all friendly when I texted him last and told me about his girlfriend, and I asked him to keep in contact, but I expect to never hear from him again unfortunately.

The biggest killer is that it was my first experience with a guy. First time I ever really talked to another bi/gay guy about being gay face to face and not on the internet. It was a huge step for me. I'm delighted I got to know him but its a shame it had to end, especially so suddenly. I would at least like to remain in contact as a friend, but I doubt he would risk talking to me with him having a girlfriend and being in the closet.

Lots of lessons learned I guess.

Annasopra

How do you know he is in the closet - he could actually be out as bi to family, friends and girlfriend

baby and crumble

eaglach wrote: »

I thought him having the option of being with a girl over a guy was also a big incentive. I wondered this before I met him about bisexuals - given the choice of dating two people, a guy and a girl, I would assume they would choose the girl, especially if they aren't totally out of the closet.

OP, can You ever choose who you like? When you meet two people, do you reason out who you're going to be attracted to most? I doubt it, so why would you think bisexual people have this magical power?

eaglach

mango salsa wrote: »

How do you know he is in the closet - he could actually be out as bi to family, friends and girlfriend

He told me he wasn't out and he was extremely secretive.

baby and crumble wrote: »

OP, can You ever choose who you like? When you meet two people, do you reason out who you're going to be attracted to most? I doubt it, so why would you think bisexual people have this magical power?

Well you can be attracted to multiple people at once. Certain choices can be made based on the situation and not the person themselves if you follow what I mean. Such as a long distance relationship - you may like one person more, but it would be difficult to continue the relationship given the circumstances.