He can't do face-to-face

LegacyUser

Not an altogether major problem but I'm curious what people think of this.

Been with the boyf a year. He's wonderful, our relationship is great. Without a doubt he's the one and he feels the same about me.

The only issue is sex. We can only do it from behind, either doggy or lying down spooning. As good as it is I crave having vanilla face-to-face sex, either me on top or him on top of me but it just doesn't work.

Anytime we try he goes soft before he's even in. He can't figure it out himself. It's particularly annoying because he said it was never an issue with his ex girlfriend i.e he'd stay hard, put it in and away they'd go.

Even though we make jokes about it like "my ass is just too gorgeous to not be seen etc"...it is starting to bother me.

I wondered for a while was it an intimacy issue, but we are very intimate, we really have an amazing relationship.

So why won't his penis cooperate when he has to look at me? I want to kiss him etc when we do it. We're both in our 20s. Please be kind with the ugly jokes!

LegacyUser

Have the two of you ever had sex where he's facing you? Even in the beginning when you first started dating? Seems a bit unusual that you wouldn't in the early days when things are all intense and intimate? maybe it is just an intimacy thing that he's built into a complex, as in the more you avoid something the harder it is to do. does he make eye contact with you when he's pleasuring you in other ways?

ted1

Have you tried in the dark? Maybe blindfold him. Then if that wotks, start taking it off.

LegacyUser

Speaking from a male point of view I have had similar experience.

Generally speaking I can only ever finish in the doggy position. Although I can make love in other position I can only shoot from behind. I'm not sure why that is... It is certainly not because I don't like to look at my partner. I think it is a very different sensation from all the other positions and definitely the most enjoyable for me and most men I know.

I doubt he finds you unattractive. I know it must be frustrating when he tells you that this did not happened before with other girls but the truth is everybody is different and every sexual combination is different.

Good Luck

Taltos

OP - I can only think of 2 things that could be contributing to this.

1. - Maybe he is a little short and from the front is not getting enough penetration (even just in his own mind).

2. - Any chance that from the front he is just getting less sensation? It could be that you may just need to exercise your keigel muscles to give that extra bit of sensation, not just for him but also for you?

Really though this is something that you will have to talk to him about - it could be a combination of the two or as per the above it might just be in his head and the suggestions above (ted1) might be a better way to go.

If it is not tightness then as well as following the tips above also try just taking it slowly - once you feel him going soft change things around or switch to masturbation to get him ready again and retry. I might also suggest holding off on the doggy position for a while, the sexual frustration might just help - but be the best judge of that yourself - no-one enjoys long term frustration - for either of you.

LegacyUser

Another guy's perspective.

I think perhaps that this has become something of a pressure issue in his mind. When you are about to have sex face to face, familiar feelings of anxiety due to a previous incapability to 'perform' in that position will definitely play havoc with down below. This then leads to further frustration, which then contributes to further anxiety the next time you try it. I don't think its an intimacy issue, but simply something that has grown into an issue in itself, due to a increased focus over time on your current inability to have sex in that way. Originally it could be that his arousal is built around certain habitual visual triggers, which caused him to favour that position with you, but regardless, it is probably his present worry on things as they currently stand (oo-er etc.) which is the issue here.

I used to lose my erection if I had any worries about not performing or pleasuring going into the bedroom, when adopting certain positions. We talked about this outside the bedroom, in a calm way, and together came up with a plan. They way we got out of it was to change things up a bit, by freeing up extended periods of time for lovemaking, where we would extend foreplay for ages (as a pleasure in itself, having agreed that it was not a means to a penetrative end in a certain position), and just relax into it. This helped take my mind off things, and stay in the mood. I found that I worried less in mornings, while I love morning sex anyway, and after a couple of these long sessions, things just took care of themselves.

I hope this helps, and best of luck

LegacyUser

Op here

@Straihurch No we've never had face-to-face sex at all

@Taltos I wouldn't know if he is getting less sensation (and neither would he)as it never ever will go in face-to-face. I mean literally he'll be hard, we'll get into position to put it in and bam! Erection gone. The only time he stays hard enough to actually penetrate is from behind.

@adviceywiceyman A pressure issue would make alot of sense. We didn't have sex at all for the first few months due to performance anxiety and a mixture of other issues. He lost his confidence an awful lot in the last relationship when she refused to have sex with him for the last 4months before they broke up.

Could it really be that he feels no pressure to perform from behind yet face-to-face it suddenly to seems like an onerous task? Very interesting, thanks alot for the advice.

Elmidena

Might I suggest getting an "aid" of some sorts? Buying a ring together could be an interesting afternoon of shopping together, and if it doesn't work out the novelty will give a giggle and so no dour mood

Since his ex went cold turkey he probably does have a stigma of sorts, but he needs to realise that you're not her and that isn't your issue I'm afraid. If sensitivity *is* an issue, tell him to lay off his righty for a few days and he'll soon see a difference! Also, make sure there isn't an underlying medical condition to cause the prompt flaccid situation he's having, but most likely it's just stress and pressure getting to him out of his own doing. Maybe a glass of wine first? Not too much though or it'll definitely be a no-go!

woodchuck

From what you said it’s sounding more and more like a confidence/pressure issue.

As someone suggested, doing it in the dark could help. And blindfolds could work too (aswell as having a bit of fun!) as there's less pressure of you 'watching' him.

Try and boost his confidence as much as you can… encourage him and compliment him when you can. Don’t go OTT, but work it in when you can and hopefully it’ll sink in over time. Even slip it into daily life, tell him that he’s sexy etc. And try to be the one to initiate sex more often, which will also help him feel more desirable.

Phuckitt

Ask him if at any time did he got hurt (physically) whilst doing it that way before, maybe he did and his subconcious is playing up