Still love my first love

LegacyUser

I went out with her for 1 year.

I loved her so much. The relationship was perfect for a long time - you know what I'm talking about. It wasn't all perfect though and due to a prior bad sexual experience (ripped my banjo string - lads will know how bad this can be) I had to have surgery to get it repaired and wasn't able to "perform" for a few months. I found out she cheated on me during this time and still stayed with her (low self esteem I guess). Eventually I manned up and broke up with her. I couldn't respect myself for staying with a girl who cheated on me so I had no choice.

It was really hard but I had to move on.

Now, 4 years on and I still think about her, still look at old pics of us together, still watch our old videos having fun together etc. I'm not depressed and moping around the house but she still has a special place in my heart. I've had a lot of girlfriends in 4 years but my first love is the only one I have ever really loved.

I don't think I'll ever "get over" her. It's something I'm finally having to admit to myself after years of denial. Deep down, I miss her.

I think I'm just going to have to live with it. Maybe its a good thing. I shared some time with a special girl and even though it ended badly, for a while it was perfect.

I don't think I would ever be able to get back with her, even if she came up begging. I'd still not respect myself because of what she did. I am a man after all.

So I guess I'm just wondering if anyone knows what I'm talking about/has been there??? Sometimes I wish I could go back to when it was perfect. I'd hate to think that in 2 years time, I'll still be pining for her and those perfect times.

allovertheshop

First, stop looking at the old pictures, stop watching the old videos. You're only torturing yourself.

You said it yourself, you wouldn't take her back if she came begging. So why keep reminding yourself of her? None of your other girlfriends probably stood a chance if you were constantly reminding yourself of this other girl all the time.

Have some faith, the right girl is out there waiting for you but you won't see her until you stop looking at your ex.

Kimia

How on earth was it perfect? She cheated on you when you were injured and out of action due to surgery! I'm baffled as to how you can love someone who clearly had no respect for you.

I know you were probably expecting to hear this as you alluded to it yourself but I am not sure what kind of advice you want here.

allovertheshop

and i don't want to sound mean but the perfect times couldn't have been that perfect if she was cheating on you...

Overheal

Sometimes saying "I love you" isn't as important as saying "I forget you".

I am a friend

You are in love with an ideal, a dream, a memory and after 4 years apart its very possible you dont know the girl as she is now.

You are choosing to hold on to her even though she treated you appallingly... I wish you the best and you need to let go as you are only hurting yourself by hanging onto a past relatiionship.